Embattled, faux-lipped firecrotch Lindsay Lohan desperately needs an image makeover. The only jobs of note she’s had recently are designing spangled pasties and tan spackle. So what better way to endear herself to the public than feeling up a k...

Jon Gosselin likes Ed Hardy bandanas, smoking butts, and wearing a totally bad-fuckin’-ass sparkling single earring. So it only makes sense that when he purchases vehicles for girlfriend Hailey...

There are plenty of ways a family can experience wholesome family togetherness weekend fun. Petting zoo. Children's museum. Water park. Disney movie marathon. But generally playing the ponies down...

This was announced a couple of days ago but we didn't cover it because frankly, a former Playboy Bunny having sex is somehow less interesting than Bret Michaels getting his brains chopped off by...

We don't talk about Kate Winslet too often on these pages. Basically, because she's not a numbskull. She does good work, she gets awards, and then she stays at home with her family. Not much to...

We’re still saddened over the break-up of Janet Jackson and Jermaine Dupri. They seemed so happy together. She didn’t mind that he could sleep inside one of her shoes and he didn’t mind that her DNA looks like a bowl of alphabet soup spelling out...

We really, really hate the word diva. It’s super stinky. But we’ll cave and use it when we’re talking about Mariah Carey or Jennifer Lopez. There it seems to fit, to be somewhat acceptable. But Miley Cyrus? She’s just a brat. So we think it’s pretty...

One subject we will never get sick of: stupid shit that celebrities demand be provided for them wherever they go. And no one demands useless crap as well as Mariah Carey does. Last week found her in England demanding white kittens and doves and fairy...

When you think of John Mayer, obviously you say, “That guy isn’t having enough sex. He should totally slut it up more.” Oh, that’s not what you think? You’re wondering about whether or not his wang is covered in sores and/or creepy little insects and...

Not pictured: dog Everyone seems to like Kate Beckinsale. She is pretty and stars in movies nerds like. She’s constantly being named the Sexiest Women in/on the World/Planet/Hollywood/Planet Hollywood. But beneath that shiny hair and yogalates-toned...