Admin on phone with daughter: Sure, you can go to Puerto Rico with the Jones*. (pause) How far is Puerto Rico, anyways? (pause) It's not really that far, right? It's like, part of the US, but it's one of those things--like a stepchild. Lutherville,...

Female coworker #1: Ohmigod, my plant's dead... Female coworker #2: I can't believe you whined and complained for months about how you didn't get a "new hire plant" like everyone else, and when you get one... a week later it's dead because you don't...

Coworker #1: And I still had this stomach bug, but I'd just drank all this fruit punch, and my mom was calling me, and I made into the hallway before I puked fruit punch all over the wall, and I was like "I'm coming, mom!" Coworker #2: Oh, god, how old...

Shop assistant: So, can I help you with anything else? 50-something woman: Yes, I'd like a big, long screw. About this big. (she demonstrates with hands) Shop assistant: Wouldn't we all! Hardware Store Australia Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs...

Flamboyant marketing director: In my opinion, prostitutes are great because they help my liver. Let me explain--it cuts the process in half. I don't have to waste my money buying drinks for guys at the bar that still might not sleep with me. So... in...