I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M’s (sent to me because I forwarded an e-mail to five other people, celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is “MM” in Roman numerals), when I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a young...
Humans can be very frustrating pets, but there are simple steps that you can follow to bring them under control. If you follow these instructions, you can have your human trained in no time.
CLEANLINESS: For some reasons, humans seem to enjoy immersing...
Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your physician.
1. What is your name, age, social security number, IQ and boyscout...
Some Daffynitions:
Arbitrator ar’-bi-tray-ter:
A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s.
Avoidable uh-voy’-duh-buhl:
What a bullfighter tries to do.
Baloney buh-lo’-nee:
Where some hemlines fall.
Bernadette burn’-a-det:
The act of torching a...
R. D. Jones And His Sewing Machine
The following is an ad from a real-life newspaper which appeared four days in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day’s mistake.
MONDAY:
For sale: R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale....
