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The Horror...The Boredom
950 AD – Europe enters the “Dark Age” period of ignorance. Meaningless, prolonged, boring, local battles with no clear winner abound. Soccer is born.
Dude, that's just gross!
557 AD – The Huns were repulsed by Belisarius after he shot milk from his nose, released a wicked fart, and burped some obscure alphabet.
Not Actually Required to Defeat Rome
555 AD – Byzantine eunuch general Narses annexes Rome and Naples. Upon learning of his victory, he proudly gloats, “Who’s Got the Balls Now!”
