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WilliamPennmanship

A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond. (All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
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Segway Stolen, But Assailant Unable to Balance

Jul 6, 2008
Greg Dorson recently sold his car, took a smaller apartment and sold half of his Swatch collection to pay for a new Segway. "I'm fascinated by stand-up travel that doesn't involve walking or running. And I've been fascinated for quite some time...

Wissahickon made strong effort to lure Dad Vail

Nov 30, 2009
The 2010 Dad Vail Regatta is rowing to Rumson, NJ and in its wake are many floating index fingers pointing in numerous directions about who exactly is to blame for ending Philadelphia’s 56-year run as host of the one of the sport’s premier North...

Barnes finally removes homeless from new museum renderings

Nov 24, 2009
In early October the world-renowned Barnes Foundation released renderings of its new facility to be constructed along Philadelphia's Benjamin Franklin Parkway—one of the nation's most well-known and influential museum districts. The move that will...

Proposed bill would require bicyclists to register all kickstands

Nov 20, 2009
Councilmen Frank DiCicco and Jim Kenney have proposed a bill that would require Philadelphia's bicyclists to register all bicycle kickstands. If the bill passes cyclists would be expected to pay a $25 fee and have kickstands inspected by the...

At the movies: Pirate-side has strong showing over weekend

Nov 16, 2009
The new movie Pirate-side made a strong showing at the box office over the weekend. Pulling in $15 million placed the Paramount film in the second slot for top grossing films on its opening weekend. The film stars Sandra Bullock as herself, as she...

SEPTA: Fire was result of transporting bicycle during peak hour

Nov 14, 2009
"This is why we don't allow bicycles on the trains during peak hours," said SEPTA regional rail manager, Brenda Short. "This whole mess could have been prevented had the rider simply taken a non-peak train."

Segway Stolen, But Assailant Unable to Balance



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