Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Jan 13, 2012, 1:03 am
Danny's funeral was today, three years ago. How I can hardly bear to write these words or to rationally think about the reality of what I am saying, that Daniel is dead, that we had a funeral for him and that he is lifeless buried l in a grave. The paragrap...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Jan 8, 2012, 10:41 am
From my Facebook page, 2 days ago: Three years without Daniel. It feels like a lifetime and also like just a moment ago, still unreal but also too real and more sad than words can say. We miss him every day, every second and find our comfort in the love we share, a love that will always be...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Jan 1, 2012, 1:28 pm
My Daniel A little bird, a hole in my heart, an emptiness that cannot describe or understand, it feels so long and also so short. I miss you my Angel. Every moment of my life and with every breath I take. You know, I know. My tears. My sorrow. My wish that losing you wasn't true. A hopel...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Sep 13, 2011, 2:28 pm
 When I am asked: "Alison, how are you doing?" I give all sorts of answers.... To someone who doesn’t know that I lost my Daniel and only ask me to be polite, I would say that I am fine. I know it is not true as I will never in my life be fine again but what else can I say? To my frie...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Jul 11, 2011, 2:15 pm
From: Beyond Reason; Jeremy Thatcher, Dragon Hatcher (B Coville) “Nothing you love is lost. Not really. Things, people—they always go away, sooner or later. You can’t hold them, any more than you can hold moonlight. But if they’ve touched you, if they’re inside you,then they’re still yo...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Jun 26, 2011, 11:31 pm
A bit of where I am, nearly two and a half years after losing my Daniel (how it breaks my heart to think and to know of all these many days that I already have lived without my child). Some days are better than others. I am not talking about the obviously very sad days like birthdays and anni...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - May 10, 2011, 11:32 pm
From: Papertissue
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Mar 29, 2011, 2:48 pm
Personal moments from a million different lives are shared as wall posts on Facebook every day. One of these posts stole my heart. It comes from the wall of one of my friend and goes about a conversation between my friend and her 5 year old daughter (who is the same age as what Daniel would have bee...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Mar 5, 2011, 1:49 pm
As written by Derek, Christian's dad: On July 13, 2007 our 4 year old son Christian passed away from Drowning at a local town run camp. We have started a Non-Profit organization to provide life jackets to all children at all camps, lakes, beaches and town run pools across the state of Mass...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Feb 21, 2011, 7:52 pm
In the two years since I have lost Daniel, I have experienced how good our human nature can be. So many people have opened their hearts to my pain to give love, kindness, compassion and support without hoping or wanting to get anything in return. I also saw the bad side of human nature, how cr...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Jan 6, 2011, 12:46 pm
My Danny To me you are something of unusual beauty unlike most everyone. Like serenity incarnate. But I need to touch beautiful things to know they are real. Sometimes I worry I dreamed you, and that I am so much less free. You are like faith and air and freedom and my small hours seem mostly ...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Dec 5, 2010, 4:49 pm
From: The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver) "A first child is your own best foot forward, and how you do cheer those little feet as they strike out. You examine every turn of flesh for precocity, and crow it to the world. But the last one: the baby who trails her scent like a flag o...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Nov 28, 2010, 3:08 am
From my Facebook wall, my status updates of two years ago. I was so happy about life, love, everything – excited to go on holiday with my children and positive about the new year…. November 29, 2008 Alison is loving the charm and delight of serendipitous occurrences December ...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Nov 21, 2010, 4:36 pm
I want to repost this comment that Cathy has left on my previous post "Want Daniel" because she sees losing Daniel like I see it: the most wrong thing in the world and she sees how it is for me to live with this cruel injustice. She is right, it is hell. Thank you Cathy for knowing and for le...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Nov 7, 2010, 10:29 pm
I feel so very very sad about Daniel since last Sunday (more sad than I have felt in a long long time). It is a terrible sadness because it is so clear and without hope. Just an empty reality that he will never come back, that life has continued for nearly two years, that I will probably never find ...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Nov 1, 2010, 6:25 pm
From: All the Pretty Horses (Cormac McCarthy)   "She looked up at him and her face was pale and austere in the uplight and her eyes lost in their darkly shadowed hollows save only for the glint of them and he could see her throat move in the light and he saw in her face and in her figure some...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Oct 16, 2010, 8:06 am
Written by Deepak Chopra, The Seven Spiritual Laws for Parents is a book for parents who wish to raise children with values that create the experience of abundance as well as satisfy spiritual needs. The 7 laws are: Pure Potentiality - Everything is possible. Giving - If you want to get ...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Oct 4, 2010, 9:21 am
Dearest Daniel You know how much I miss you and how I cry for you every single day. The pain I feel is not something I would be able to endure for years and years and years, that is something I know. I wish I could understand what went so wrong that you had to pay with your life. Where was the ...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Sep 18, 2010, 3:31 pm
From : Sputnik Sweetheart (Haruki Murakami) "So that's how we live our lives. No matter how deep and fatal the loss, no matter how important the thing that's stolen from us--that's snatched right out of our hands - even if we are left completely changed, with only the outer layer of skin fro...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Sep 12, 2010, 2:02 pm
I feel deeply touched by this beautiful drawing that my friend Michael did for me. We are on the same painful journey and feel a similar pain - Michael lost his son Luke around the same time that I lost Daniel. (Also see my post Luke's Army) I cannot describe how much I still miss Daniel every day. ...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Sep 5, 2010, 3:53 pm
From : His Dark Materials Trilogy (The Golden Compass) "She wondered whether there would ever come an hour in her life when she didn't think of him - didn't speak to him in her head, didn't relive every moment they'd been together, didn't long for his love. She had never dreamed of what it would fee...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Aug 21, 2010, 10:13 pm
Losing my child has changed the core structure of my emotions. Positive feelings like peace, hope and happiness that used to be simple and uncomplicated have become complex and intrinsically combined with an underlying sense of loss, guilt or confusion. And where before I could put reason and perspe...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Aug 14, 2010, 1:49 pm
We collected Daniel's things from storage last week, after nearly 19 months. It was something I wanted to do but I was also scared and I was not sure if I really was ready to open all those containers that I so randomly packed after Daniel had died. But I did it. I went through everything, took out ...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Jul 20, 2010, 10:01 pm
From : His Dark Materials Trilogy (The Golden Compass) "I'll be looking for you, every moment, every single moment. And when we do find each other again, we'll cling together so tight that nothing and no one'll ever tear us apart. Every atom of me and every atom of you... We'll live in birds and flo...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Jul 20, 2010, 1:03 am
To keep on living after I have lost Daniel will never be easy. His death has left me with so many challenges (other than my sorrow and longing),difficulties that I have to deal with every day, soul torturing events that I must somehow survive, impossible hurdles that I need to clear on my journey to...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Jul 18, 2010, 4:27 pm
"Perhaps they are not stars,but rather openings in heavenwhere the love of our lost onespours through and shines down upon usto let us know they are happy."- Eskimo Proverb - Being 11 months old, Daniel went on a journey of discovering the content of kitchen cupboards. Oh, how I miss him, how I love...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Jul 8, 2010, 5:16 pm
This is Daniel's school report that he received in December 2008, after completing his very first term at school. I was (still am) so proud of him and looked forward to see him progress throughout his school career. From the teacher's file, his Teacher Elize later also gave me her official progress...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Jun 21, 2010, 9:27 pm
This video clip comes from one of Danny's most favourite movies, The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh. I cannot watch more than 10 seconds of this video before the pain gets too much. This music and pictures brings back memories that touch the centre of my soul.  Dearest Danny The "Winnie P...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Jun 16, 2010, 7:00 pm
Alecia did the drawing in the early hours of a night when she missed Daniel so much that she couldn't sleep. She didn't meant it to be a work of art, it was just her and the endless love she has for Daniel, expressed with a pencil on a rough piece of paper. She called me the next day to say...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Jun 5, 2010, 9:49 pm
When he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars and he will make the face of heaven so  fine that all the world will be in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun. - William Shakespeare -
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Jun 2, 2010, 3:14 pm
"Daniel wonderful" was another favourite  "mammadaniel game" and it went like this: Mamma:    Daniel wonderful…. Daniel:    …yes…(all smiles in anticipation) Mamma:    Daniel beautiful Daniel:    ….yes….(glowing) Mamma:    Daniel clever Daniel:    ….yes….(...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - May 24, 2010, 8:40 pm
By Hans Christian Anderson (1859) It was a very sad day, and every heart in the house felt the deepest grief; for the youngest child, a boy of four years old, the joy and hope of his parents, was dead. Two daughters, the elder of whom was going to be confirmed, still remained: they were both good, c...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - May 18, 2010, 1:47 pm
Time heals...but not everything. While I recognise the parts of my life and of myself that have come an amazingly far way towards recovery over the past 16 months, there is also a part that will never be able to heal. Of all that may get better, how can having lost Daniel ever get better? It won'...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - May 4, 2010, 8:02 pm

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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - May 2, 2010, 12:03 pm
She shares with me many precious memories of Daniel's first days and weeks and I will always be thankful for her support and companionship after Daniel was born – as a most amazing friend and for Daniel as his Fairy Godmother. She moved to another city when Daniel was about 4 months old and as a f...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Apr 23, 2010, 5:08 pm
This is a letter that I wrote to Charles when after 3 years of absence, he asked to have contact with Daniel. We were never married and legally he had no access or visitation rights to Daniel. But was it my right to deny my son having a dad? I thought it was the right thing to forgive Charles...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Apr 2, 2010, 3:26 pm
Made by Daniel - to go with Turtle Love for some thoughts.
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Mar 28, 2010, 6:39 pm
After Daniel had died, I never went back to our home other than to pack up everything. Henry and Alecia's things went with them to their dad. A few pieces of furniture, one box with some of my personal things and everything that was Daniel's went into storage. The rest I gave away. I couldn't bear t...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Mar 22, 2010, 11:45 am
If I look back at the Last year and a bit, the time that started after I lost Daniel, I see so many wonderful things that came to me. I see how God gave me all these blessing to make life easier and as good as it could possibly get. The letter is from me to someone whom I first met as a fellow bl...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Mar 20, 2010, 2:10 pm
The beautiful ecard below was sent to me on Daniel's birthday, from Debbie. We know each other only through this blog and some email communication. She wrote to me that she felt so helpless as there was nothing that she could do other than to tell that she cared - but it is the most that any pe...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Mar 13, 2010, 6:38 am
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Mar 13, 2010, 6:38 am
Daniel loved the Baby Einstein DVD's and I loved to watch it with him. The words are from the Baby Shakespeare DVD and I share it today as a gift of love to to my Danny Baby. Because for us, these are more than just words - it holds a piece of our precious memory and the feeling of our togethern...
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Mar 4, 2010, 12:01 pm
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Mar 4, 2010, 12:01 pm
angels come in many forms they can be the ones you have in heaven  or they can be your best friend or they appear in the ones you lovewe all have an angel inside us and one watching over us - mysticzen -
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Mar 2, 2010, 9:06 am
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Feb 28, 2010, 11:58 pm
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Feb 27, 2010, 5:57 am
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Alison Starbuck posted an article on Losing Daniel - Feb 21, 2010, 5:55 pm
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