Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Feb 5, 2012, 12:53 am
Jeanette Norman - BellaOnline's Domestic Violence Editor Are there more reports of domestic violence during Super Bowl season? Do men really get that angry and violent during a sporting event that would cause them to cause harm to their wife/girlfriends and their children? Some people say this is a ...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Feb 3, 2012, 12:22 am
Characteristics of a Misogynist Misogyny (mi-soj'e-ne) n. Hatred of women; a person who hates women. - mis'sog'y-nist n. - mi-sog'y-nis'tic or mi-sog'y-nous adj. Do any of these characteristics sound familiar? If you or someone you know has 4 or more of these, we encourage seeking help to deal with...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Jan 28, 2012, 12:34 am
(if anyone says these to you, they are dysfunctional - run from them!! even if they are family. - Barbara) They don’t get worse than these — the ten comments that signify the very most dysfunction possible. In no particular order: 1. “I did nothing wrong. You’re just oversensitive.” It�...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Jan 26, 2012, 12:24 am
(Written by Maria De Santis of the Women’s Justice Center, Santa Rosa, CA) There’s a seemingly simple little exercise we’ve done dozens of times at workshops on violence against women. The usual responses, however, are anything but simple. They’re confounding and cause for concern. Recently...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Jan 21, 2012, 12:25 am
By Pete Walker Here is a map of the layering of defensive reactions to the underlying feelings of abandonment typically found in Complex PTSD. This territory is best viewed through unwinding the dynamics of emotional flashbacks.  Flashbacks are at the deepest level painful layers of reactions - phy...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Jan 13, 2012, 12:45 am
by Tim Field How do the PTSD symptoms resulting from a Narcissist or Psychopath's abuse and bullying meet the criteria in DSM-IV? A. The prolonged (chronic) negative stress resulting from dealing with a narcissist or psychopath has lead to threat of loss of job, career, health, livelihood, often als...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Jan 7, 2012, 12:59 am
ANTISOCIAL PERSONALITY DISORDER According to the DSM-IV, the essential feature of the disorder is to be found in patterns of irresponsible and antisocial behaviors beginning in childhood or early adolescence and continuing into adulthood. Lying, stealing,truancy, vandalism, initiating fights, runn...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Jan 5, 2012, 12:07 am
by Bryce Klabunde, Vice President Pastoral Ministries Many changes come naturally as we mature. Sometimes, though, negative habits form deep ruts, and it seems we can't change, no matter how much we want to. Friends urge us to alter course and warn us of dangers ahead if we don't. We read about God'...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Dec 31, 2011, 1:26 am
by Cassandra Abusers can be masters of disguise and covert operations. He or She hones their skills to expert precision, lest people see through the mask to the ruthless ambition and envy beneath. Above all, the abuser seeks to keep that mask firmly in place so as not to lose the support of those wh...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Dec 30, 2011, 12:26 am
A time comes in your life when you finally get it…when in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out…. ENOUGH ! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Nov 3, 2011, 1:02 am
I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write i...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Nov 2, 2011, 12:30 am
How to tell when you're not exactly being told the straight story By Cynthia Hubert You think you can tell when he's lying. His eyes dart back and forth. He can't keep his hands still. He stutters and stumbles over his words. Deception is written all over him, right? Not necessarily. Nailing a fib...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Oct 28, 2011, 12:07 am
1. Ignore - 2. Refer - 3. Pass the buck The title of this post describes the one and only process domestic violence organizations/ agencies/ programs seem to use to send victims in, what I call, the "DV run around". In the past year of trying to reach out and get assistance from state funded DV or...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Oct 24, 2011, 12:18 am
Effective treatment for sexual compulsivity ("sex addiction") Defining Compulsive Sexual Behavior and Relationship Dependency Problems related to compulsive sexuality and loving too much have existed for ages, but these behaviors have only recently been seen by some as "addictions." Self-help grou...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Oct 21, 2011, 12:09 am
What is courage? Many "people of courage" say the same thing, it's not the heroic act, the risk of life in an emergency, that defines true courage, although let's not discount that. True courage involves the day to day facing of difficult problems and still getting on with life despite often feeling...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Oct 18, 2011, 12:38 am
1. The ‘Jekyll/Hyde’ Psychopath comes on strong, sweeps us off our feet. Appearing to be our 'soulmate', he falsely mirrors our values, interests, goals, philosophies, tastes and habits. He mimics our ambition, integrity, honesty and sincerity. He wants to marry us quickly. This control freak wa...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Oct 13, 2011, 1:20 am
The Time Bomb Inside every person with PTSD is a time bomb. It is merely a matter of time before symptoms begin to show up. One might exhibit all manner of symptoms in nearly everything s/he does, and still live what appears to be a normal life. However, it doesn’t take much to bring out full-blow...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Oct 12, 2011, 1:07 am
A summary of important points to remember about smear campaigns:Smear campaigns are typically conducted against people who have stood up against some form of unfairness, abuse, or entitlement. Narcissists are highly active smear campaigners, and those with other “high conflict” cluster B persona...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Oct 11, 2011, 1:06 am
If you should become the subject of a smear campaign, you may find the following practices to be helpful in reducing or eliminating the damage. 1. Immediately discontinue speaking to the smear campaigner. If you can’t possibly do this because it’s a work situation, limit the time spent tal...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Oct 10, 2011, 1:49 am
ImageShack.us Carefully tending to his or her image as an ''innocent and upstanding' whistleblower who is 'bravely speaking up against evil' is a necessary part of the smear campaigner’s plan. Whether smear campaigners claim to be your victim or just a conscientious bystander (or both), they know ...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Oct 9, 2011, 1:15 am
Smear Campaigns Depend on Fools Who Believe ThemSMEAR CAMPAIGN TACTICS:Discredit & isolate the victimPlay the victim and/ or heroLie-exaggerate-manipulateManufacture fearLabel the victim inferior (or "sick")Hurt the victim for spite The difficulty with saying no to toxic people is that they are alre...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Oct 8, 2011, 12:45 am
One of the clearest indicators you’ve got a mentally unstable person on your hands is smear campaigning. Smear campaigners carefully and strategically use lies, exaggerations, suspicions and false accusations to try destroying your credibility. They hide behind a cloak of upstanding heroism and fe...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Oct 7, 2011, 1:17 am
Victim says fighting back is vital By Dave Breakenridge -- Sun Media Calgary, Alberta (CANADA) -- It took her almost three years, but Jane was able to get justice against her stalker. After months of endless phone calls, letters and being followed, Jane -- not her real name -- breathed a sigh of rel...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Oct 1, 2011, 12:40 am

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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Sep 17, 2011, 12:58 am
Compulsive Liars often feel the need to lie about almost anything. They often lie about little things such as what they ate for lunch and they also lie about big important things. When compulsive liars lie it becomes a very bad habit. It is very difficult to break and it almost feels like that they ...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Sep 14, 2011, 12:05 am
by Marguerite Malain In recent years psychologists have learned about and done case studies on a new personality disorder which the DSM-III-R classifies as an Axis II disorder- the Borderline Personality . This classification includes such personality disorders as the Anti-social Personality, the H...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Barbara's Tchatzkahs - Sep 11, 2011, 7:03 am
I had just dropped my children at pre-K. It was early so I decided to drive over to the grocery and pick up a few things for dinner. I was still living in Astoria, New York. My cell phone rang, a friend asked me frantically, "Barbara, where's your husband?" I answered "he's at work." She said "do...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Sep 10, 2011, 1:17 am
By Richard Zwolinski, LMHC, CASAC Neuroscientistific research shows that our memory is strongest and lasts the longest when our emotions are heightened. This helps explain why we might remember every nuance of our wedding day or our valedictory speech in college. It also holds true for our memories ...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Sep 7, 2011, 12:16 am
By: Clay Allen Many men dream of owning a bigger home, a vacation home or even of the possibility of purchasing a second house as investment property. It’s a sad but astounding reality that the average financial cost incurred by a man involved in compulsive, secret sexual activity is the value of ...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Sep 6, 2011, 1:02 am
The most common forms of intimate partner violence (IPV) are sexual violence, sexual coercion, psychological abuse and physical abuse and each causes significant psychological problems.  The act of using pressure … to have sexual contact (physical or verbal/mental): Pressure in this case can mean...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Sep 2, 2011, 12:41 am
  by Randi Kreger If you've been involved in a high-conflict relationship, you're probably familiar with feelings of shame, guilt, and self-blame. Perhaps you're ruminating about the relationship and feel hopeless and despair. You may even be suicidal. If the stress of a high conflict goes on for ...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Barbara's Tchatzkahs - Aug 30, 2011, 10:57 pm
My blogger sista Layla, wrote such a good post in July 2007 about a subject which I have discussed with many bloggers during the last 7 years which I have been fiddling around with blogs. Blogging was a great way to keep my mind active, now that I am unable and diagnosed unfit to work. I am teac...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Barbara's Tchatzkahs - Aug 27, 2011, 12:04 am
Being diagnosed with a chronic disability can be very devastating. I'm not throwing a pity-party here, just sharing some insight. I went through every single one of the stages in this article and sometimes I back up and do them again. With the return of hot weather, I have been in terrible flare....
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Aug 24, 2011, 1:08 am
Adult bullies target their victims in many of the same way children who bully do. While many people think that bullying only occurs amongst children, it can also happen in the workplace among adults. No matter what the age of a bully, they are opportunistic and tend to prey on people they perceive a...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Barbara's Tchatzkahs - Aug 18, 2011, 10:20 pm
I have had experienced this four times in the eight plus years I have been blogging. I had my computer hacked twice since 2004 and my IP address misused.  I was phished in 2010 -- twice and also had my IP address spoofed.  I (and a number of other people) had my hotmail account hacked by Nigerian...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Aug 13, 2011, 12:09 am
Effects of Emotional Abuse In Canada in 1993, a Violence Against Women Survey was taken among women aged 18 to 65, and found that 35% of all women surveyed reported that their spouse was emotionally abusive. In another Canadian study on abuse in university and college dating relationships, 81% of ma...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Aug 11, 2011, 12:33 am
Sociopath a.k.a. Anti-Social Personality Disorder or Psychopath When you are under libelous attack by a person who has deceived and defrauded you, there is a possibility that the person is a sociopath. Sociopaths have no heart, no conscience and no remorse.  They will lie, cheat and steal from you ...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Aug 10, 2011, 12:20 am
Our bundle of wishes drives us out of the bunk in the morning, well most of us anyway. We all have our own unique bundle that motivates us to act. No two bundles are identical, similar is as close as it gets.An act correlated to a wish or wishes in your bundle is far more satisfying than one out of ...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Barbara's Tchatzkahs - Aug 3, 2011, 6:38 am
"It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. All the perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing. He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear, and speak no evil. The victim, on the contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of the pain. The victim demands action, engage...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Aug 1, 2011, 12:35 am
By Amy Norton An unhappy marriage can break a woman's heart, figuratively and literally. New research suggests that married women who are dissatisfied with their relationships face a higher risk for heart disease. In a study of nearly 500 middle-aged women, researchers at the University of Pittsburg...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Barbara's Tchatzkahs - Jul 18, 2011, 8:57 pm
I have some of the same things this woman does. And because I have been disabled 15 years (NOT MY "CHOICE"!!! either) some people comment on how well I "adapted" and "cope" because I'm giving them the impression "it's no big deal"... Well IT IS A BIG DEAL... it cut my living a decent productive lif...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Jul 17, 2011, 12:05 am
...about the documentary film, “You Look a Lot Like Me", a feature-length documentary focused on raising awareness about some of the complexities surrounding domestic abuse. We have been in production for four years now, and during that time, my crew and I have traveled all over the country meeti...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Barbara's Tchatzkahs - Jul 15, 2011, 11:17 pm
I'm drawn to work & people that provoke thought for me. Even if I don't agree with it - I take it in because I find I learn more from disagreement, about myself and about the way Hashem works in each of us. I used to read a site called THE DAILY OM. The other day the article du jour was entitled BLA...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Barbara's Tchatzkahs - Jul 14, 2011, 10:57 pm
cross-posted from stellar fellow female blogger: UPPITY WOMAN! --------------- Petition here. Also please refer to my previous post entitled “I can’t find the missing 2.2 Trillion!“ Next time you hear the Republicans and/or Democrats,your cold, fear-mongering President and their hitman Alan...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Jul 14, 2011, 12:43 am
by Jeanette Norman (battering can include - verbal abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse as well as physical abuse) Battered Women Syndrome (or BWS) was first presented in the 1970's as a way to justify when a woman killed her husband because he abused her in some way. One reason why many judges are ...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Jul 13, 2011, 12:45 am
They suffer silently, consumed by a dread of sexual pleasure and filled with fear and sexual self-doubt. They feel profoundly at odds with a culture that tirelessly promotes sex but is strangely unconscious about sexuality. It is not inhibited sexual desire they are experiencing, although often they...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Jul 11, 2011, 12:10 am
By: C.V. Harris On the J-O-B. That’s where I met him. Quentin Cole was his name. Everyone called him Q for short. Q was an extremely attractive man. He was 6’2”, had the waviest-curliest-jet-black hair that you ever saw. This man had the deepest dimples, hazeliest of green eyes, and a physique...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Jul 10, 2011, 12:08 am
Stalking in Disguise? From the Newsletter of the Stalking Resource Center, Volume 4, Number 2, Fall 2004 Last winter, police found the bodies of a man and his girlfriend. The man had tracked his girlfriend to her cousin's house, broken down the door, shot her as she called 911, and then turned the ...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Jul 6, 2011, 12:44 am
If Something is Scary or Upsetting: Coping With Triggers A “trigger” is something which reminds you of something painful, frightening, dangerous or upsetting. A trigger can also be something which causes you to react or behave in a certain way—like seeing someone else using a drug and then hav...
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Barbara C. posted an article on Sanctuary for the Abused - Jul 3, 2011, 12:02 am
''From: The Mask of Sanity, by Hervey Cleckley, 5th edition More often than not, the typical psychopath will seem particularly agreeable and make a distinctly positive impression when he is first encountered. Alert and friendly in his attitude, he is easy to talk with and seems to have a good many ...
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