Total Flanker

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With friends like Andy...

Total Flanker posted an article on - Feb 8, 2012, 2:14 pm
So, after a calamitous Saturday afternoon against the Auld Enemy, Scotland's Dan Parks decides to retire from international rugby and his head coach, Andy Robinson, calls it "the right decision" despite having selected Parks for a must-win match a matter of days before. Thanks for the support, boss...
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Knockout!

Total Flanker posted an article on - Feb 8, 2012, 1:36 pm
Congrats to Sonny Bill Williams who now holds the much-coveted New Zealand Professional Boxing Association heavyweight championship belt after he knocked out American Clarence Tillman in the first round of their title bout. Now, I'm not entirely sure how you become the New Zealand heavyweight champi...
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6N 2012 - TF Team of Round 1

Total Flanker posted an article on - Feb 6, 2012, 2:58 pm
1. A.Corbisiero 2. R.Best 3. A.Jones 4. M.Botha 5. P.Pape 6. S.Ferris 7. S.O'Brien 8. L.Picamoles 9. M.Phillips 10. R.Priestland 11. J.Malzieu 12. B.Barritt 13. J.Davies 14. G.North 15. R.Kearney
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Good weekend/ Bad weekend

Total Flanker posted an article on - Feb 6, 2012, 1:42 pm
GOOD WEEKEND George North Immense. And not bad for an Englishman. Stuart Lancaster Has to be happy after that. Just wait until England start actually playing some rugby. Louis Picamoles Not many number 8s manage to eclipse Sergio Parisse. Picamol did. ME! Top of the TF Premier League. Thank you Jona...
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O flower of Scotland

Total Flanker posted an article on - Feb 6, 2012, 1:01 pm
O flower of ScotlandWhen will we see You score a try?Dan Parks' selectionAnd a nation asking why?They're all against him (‘gainst who?)Poor Andy RobinsonHe's off to CardiffTae think again
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I bloody well love the Six Nations

Total Flanker posted an article on - Feb 3, 2012, 1:00 pm
Excitement. Unadulterated, irrational, gut-wrenching excitement. Every year it’s the same as the Six Nations approaches. And this year it’s no different. Lest we forget, England go into the tournament as Six Nations champions but, the baby having been jettisoned alongside the World Cup bathwate...
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Just a bit of fun...

Total Flanker posted an article on - Feb 2, 2012, 1:06 pm
For anyone interested this is how my Fantasy XV will line up for this weekend's opening 6N round: Front row: Hartley, Servat, Best 2nd row:   Pape, Gray Back Row: Faletau, Parisse, O'Brien Scrum Half: Yachvilli Fly Half: Sexton Centres: Barritt, Davies Outside Backs: Clerc, Ashton, Bowe. If you ...
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England unveil new mascot

Total Flanker posted an article on - Feb 1, 2012, 1:01 pm

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Another no brainer

Total Flanker posted an article on - Jan 30, 2012, 1:29 pm

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A cite for sore eyes

Total Flanker posted an article on - Jan 26, 2012, 3:10 pm
It has emerged today that Scotland coach Andy Robinson has plans to cite an England player after the Calcutta Cup match on 4th February. This follows this week's admission by Robinson that Delon Armitage had been cited owing to his “arrogance” following England’s World Cup victory over Sco...
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Dear Mr Odgers

Total Flanker posted an article on - Jan 24, 2012, 2:09 pm
Dear Mr Odgers I understand that you have been retained by the RFU to recruit a Head Coach for the England team. I therefore respectfully submit my application for the role. Firstly I would like to say that that am happy to report directly to the CEO of the RFU, or indeed to anyone else once the CEO...
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Ash Cash

Total Flanker posted an article on - Jan 19, 2012, 4:51 pm
AND AS FOR THAT EFFING DIVE...News that England winger Chris Ashton is moving from the Saints to Saracens for mega-bucks is hardly a surprise. Nor, quite frankly, is the news of his omission from this weekend’s Heineken Cup match against Munster and apparent bust-up with Saints' coach Jim Mallind...
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Whatever happened to: Rucking?

Total Flanker posted an article on - Jan 19, 2012, 3:00 am
Whatever happened to rucking? I've touched on this before, but nowadays the ruck is a curious sight. A player is tackled then rolls around for a bit adjusting his body position in an attempt to place the ball back advantageously for his teammates. Meanwhile the tackler pops back up to his feet and ...
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Really? #2

Total Flanker posted an article on - Jan 18, 2012, 1:22 pm
Looks like England's Six Nations campaign has been undermined before it has begun by the RFU’s decision to use a City headhunting firm to help choose the next England head coach. Despite comforting words to the contrary from the RFU, caretaker coach Gordon Brittas doesn’t appear to warrant se...
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Really?

Total Flanker posted an article on - Jan 16, 2012, 1:30 pm
Following news that rugby league internationals Jamie Peacock and Kevin Sinfield will be addressing the England rugby union squad when it gets together at it’s Oop North training camp next week (along with England cricket managing director Hugh Morris, British Cycling's performance director Dave B...
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Good grief, not this again...

Total Flanker posted an article on - Jan 14, 2012, 6:17 am
Never ones to let sleeping dogs lie, the good old British Press have this week been blaming Mike Tindall and fellow attendees at the Altitude bar in Queenstown, New Zealand in September for an assault on a chap with dwarfism outside a Somerset pub a month later. Several rags (including one or two t...
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Last of the Mohicans?

Total Flanker posted an article on - Jan 13, 2012, 2:09 pm
Rumours that Quins prop and new addition to the England squad, Joe Marler, has been told to lose his distinctive Mohican hairstyle by the new England management are, apparently, wide of the mark. Nevertheless, a haircut might not be a bad idea in order to, you know, demonstrate a smidgen of respect...
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Out with the old...

Total Flanker posted an article on - Jan 11, 2012, 2:50 pm
The new England 6 Nations squad was announced today by caretaker head coach Arnold Rimmer, former holographic second technician of the mining spaceship Red Dwarf. Forwards - Botha (Saracens), Clark (Northampton), Corbisiero (L.Irish), Cole (Leicester), Croft (Leicester), Deacon (Leicester),...
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Rules is Rules

Total Flanker posted an article on - Jan 9, 2012, 3:55 pm
A handy guide for any bloggers contemplating commenting upon England’s imminent 2012 Six Nations squad selection, taken directly from the 2012 edition of the Rugby Union Writers' Club's Rule Book:  Rule 25.1 Concerning the selection of the 2012 England Six Nations squad, in delivering your wor...
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England Carefree

Total Flanker posted an article on - Jan 4, 2012, 8:18 am
Sometimes you just have to wonder. Given the controversy (deserved or otherwise) surrounding the off-field behaviour of England players at the RWC and the fact that only three weeks earlier he had been arrested and fined for being drunk and disorderly, what on earth was Danny Care thinking when he d...
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Happy New Year

Total Flanker posted an article on - Jan 1, 2012, 7:07 am
...and welcome to 2012. Never one to mess with tradition, here are a bunch of rash predictions for the year ahead. Six Nations – Wide open. Wales are nowhere as good as they think they are, nor are England anywhere near as bad as many so-called experts would have us believe. France will be their u...
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Total Flanker Awards 2011

Total Flanker posted an article on - Dec 14, 2011, 4:36 pm
My Lords, ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to welcome you all to the 5th Annual Total Flanker Awards ceremony. Yes, another year has passed by as if driven by Sebastian Vettel and here we are once again, deep into the festive season and poised to pay homage to the achievements of tho...
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Should he stay or should he go now?

Total Flanker posted an article on - Nov 1, 2011, 7:16 pm
...if he goes there will be trouble, and if he stays there will be double. Rumours suggest that the powers-that-be at Twickenham now want Martin Johnson to stay as England manager on the condition that he will have to agree to a cull of his coaching team. Who those powers-that-be are remains unclear...
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Whither England 2011

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 27, 2011, 4:13 pm
Four years ago, after the 2007 World Cup, I wrote an optimistic post entitled “Whither England”, such optimism being based on the presumption that England would move forward with a degree of stability. Stability? What was I thinking? Four years on and here we are after another World Cup...
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Tindall's Pants

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 27, 2011, 1:36 pm
Mike Tindall as you've never seen him before (unless you're reading this Mrs T): The cause, Rugby for Heroes, is a noble one. The timing, however, might have been a tad more judicious. And as for the caption...
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Reasons to be cheerful, 1 2 3

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 26, 2011, 1:23 pm
George Ford – IRB Junior Player of the Year.Courtney Lawes – named in a composite team of the Rugby World Cup. OK, so it was a team voted for by Facebook Group Queer Eye for the Rugby Guy but, hey, right now we’ll take what we can get.Err, that's all.[For those interested the full Queer Eye fo...
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Four more years

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 25, 2011, 1:14 pm
And so it is over. Another Rugby World Cup has come and gone - another 7 weeks of my life that I'll never reclaim. For what it's worth, a few reflections: The Final: Congratulations again to New Zealand. Much deserved and the 24 year old monkey is finally off the back. But, amidst the understandabl...
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Phil Vickery: Masterchef

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 24, 2011, 5:38 pm
Putting the World Cup firmly to one side, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to congratulate former England skipper Phil Vickery on his victory in Celebrity Masterchef this weekend. He may not have lifted the Webb Ellis Cup in 2007, but surely winning the coveted Masterchef trophy is compensation e...
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RWC Final 2011 - Initial thoughts

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 23, 2011, 7:01 am
Many congratulations to the All Blacks - much deserved winners over the course of the tournament but boy did you ride your luck today. In a cracking match only heroic defence and some debatable decisions kept les Bleus at bay today. Against all expectations I thought the French were just excellent ...
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The Total Flanker Guide to: the Rugby World Cup Final 2011

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 21, 2011, 2:25 pm
How does one preview a foregone conclusion? Because a foregone conclusion is surely what Sunday’s Rugby World Cup Final is. The impression I get from what I read and from what I hear is that the world expects New Zealand to stroll to victory on Sunday. And quite right too, based on what has gone b...
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Diolch a nos da

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 21, 2011, 1:59 pm
So Wales will go home having finished fourth at this World Cup, a prize they would probably have taken before the tournament began. Apologies if this sounds as if I'm pissing on Welsh fireworks but, despite being praised to the rafters by the media and the hysteria generated by the quarter final...
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'The Match'

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 19, 2011, 6:29 pm
No, not THAT match. I've been contacted by photographer David Matches who has spent the last 5 years taking a series of life-sized portraits of amateur and international rugby players in New Zealand, resulting in an exhibition - ‘The Match’ - currently being shown in the NZ Portrait Gallery...
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To cheat or not to cheat...

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 18, 2011, 2:31 pm
Warren Gatland has admitted that he considered cheating on Saturday by faking an injury to one of his team's props to take a game to uncontested scrums but decided not to do so because it was "morally wrong" (well, duh). And, in a somewhat bizarre application of logic, he also suggested that ...
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Seeing Red

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 17, 2011, 1:34 pm
As the debate about Sam Warburton’s red card rages on I must admit that my initial reaction of astonishment and outrage has given way to a more considered view. Given the IRB directive on the tip tackle, Alain Rolland really had no choice other than to send the Welsh skipper off. That other refs ...
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Blimey

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 16, 2011, 5:39 pm
A ruthlessly physical performance today full of skill, intensity, athleticism and brutality. And that was just St. Richie of McCaw. I have to admit I have never before witnessed a man strip the ball from the grasp of another while upside down mid-somersault. Truly extraordinary. The rest of the All...
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Glorious Failure

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 15, 2011, 7:09 am
Hats off to Wales - a hugely brave, immensley committed and utterly  disciplined performance from the men in red today in the face of adversity and a series of unfortunate events - the loss of Adam Jones, the ridiculous sending off of their captain (red, Monsiueur Rolland, are you serious?), a conv...
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Sour Grapes

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 14, 2011, 7:24 pm
South African rugby fans appear to have taken their team's exit in the RWC quarter final last week very badly indeed, blaming referee Bryce Lawrence for costing them the game. And, despite plenty of evidence that Lawrence is merely an incompetent fool as opposed to a biased cheat, the head the U...
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Fear factor

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 14, 2011, 4:22 pm
I must admit I’m looking forward to watching a bit of rugby this weekend without having to wake up in the morning feeling sick with anticipation and fear. Well done England. So, far from feeling envious, I in fact pity the French, the Welsh, the Aussies and the Kiwis. Especially the Kiwis, as New...
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Quote of the day

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 14, 2011, 2:35 pm
Tom Shanklin on Twitter: The last time I was this nervous about a semi I was watching Brokeback Mountain. :))
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Welsh don't cry

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 14, 2011, 1:30 pm
According to a report in the Telegraph, the Solicitors' Disciplinary Tribunal heard yesterday that a Welsh solicitor's law firm collapsed after he became so ill he could not bear to open his post. Counsel for the defence said the solicitor could not bare his soul because of his ancestry, adding:...
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Independence Day

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 13, 2011, 2:02 pm
The RFU's independent review of England’s failed World Cup campaign is to be led by none other than Fran Cotton. That's the same Fran Cotton who called for the resignation of the then CEO John Steele back in May this year, who has declared himself to be a "massive fan" of Sir Clive Woodward and w...
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Whooooosh...

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 12, 2011, 1:34 pm
There it goes again... Another sharp intake of breath by the entire population of New Zealand as speculation grows about the extent of St Richie of McCaw's foot injury, speculation not dampened by the appearance of Crusaders flanker Matt Todd at training. Not that Todd is actually training with the...
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A fascinating fact for you...

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 10, 2011, 5:20 pm
Since the inaugural World Cup in 1987 the defending champions have, apparently, always been beaten by the team that goes on to lift the Webb Ellis Cup. So, Australia for the World Cup? I’ve had a sneaky, nagging feeling about the Aussies for some time now, a feeling that refuses to go away foll...
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So, what happens next?

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 10, 2011, 1:42 pm
It appears that Martin Johnson’s future as England’s manager will be decided by the RFU Management Board based on the recommendation by Rob Andrew who, it appears, now has a new job as the RFU’s professional rugby director. Firstly, I wouldn’t necessarily assume that Johnno will decide to pu...
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Twenty Four Hours Later

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 9, 2011, 7:35 am
And so to the inquest...  I’ve seen much written about England’s defeat to France yesterday, much of it very negative. The common sentiment is that England have had a dreadful World Cup, that the team is uninspired and one-dimensional and that this is mostly because it is made in the image of...
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Merde Deux

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 8, 2011, 6:09 am
To France - félicitations, magnifique. For England the inquest can wait. This blog is now officially Welsh.
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Merde

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 7, 2011, 6:46 pm
So, will the French be 'les singes capitulards et mangeurs de fromage', or will they get off the bus? I'm seriously worried...
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Oh dear, oh dear, what IS he doing?

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 6, 2011, 4:49 pm
Not to be outdone by alleged dirty deeds down under, are there no depths to which Danny Cipriani won't sink in order to grab the headlines?
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Concerns

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 6, 2011, 2:01 pm
Areas for concern regarding England team selected to play France on Saturday: Toby Flood? Yes. At centre? No.  Matt Stevens? Yes. At loose-head? No. Tom Palmer? Yes. Alongside Deacon? No. James Haskell. Yes. On the bench? (After 51 tackles in 4 matches) No. I'm afraid that this does nothing t...
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Lies, damed lies and statistics...

Total Flanker posted an article on - Oct 5, 2011, 5:12 pm
Anyway, back to the good old British press and their coverage of the World Cup. England have, it is widely reported, played boring and stodgy rugby. Wales, on the other hand, are now world beaters, second only to the All Blacks in their all round brilliance. Just to show that facts should never get ...
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