Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Jun 22, 2011, 9:55 pm
Lately, I’ve been afraid of crackers. You know, they’re very dry, dryer than they need to be. Whenever I see a pack of crackers, in my living room, in my bedroom, in my bathroom, I get nervous. Why are there so many crackers around? Why is it that when I’m afraid of them, they appear? Maybe ...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Jun 15, 2011, 6:22 am
The Librarians from Evantonian came to our library today. They parked a big white truck in the no parking zone. Each one of their librarians wore a big grin as they entered our library. The noise level rose as they came out. I could actually hear the Library like it was an electronic aria. And altho...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Jun 2, 2011, 11:42 pm
For some reason, members of the LPD (Linkyshire Police Department) have taken jobs in town. For instance, Harmon, the night patrol guy, is working as a dishwasher. Reports indicate they all met by the fountain two nights ago and threw their hand guns into the water. I went to check and sure enough ...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - May 29, 2011, 2:25 pm
Observe the fly on a door frame. Grab a stiff envelope. Walk by the fly as if nothing is going to happen. Once past the fly and out of sight, turn, and slap the envelope against the fly’s position. Observe the fly on the floor in the next room.
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Apr 29, 2011, 11:56 pm
I do yoga to ‘Street Fighting Man.’ I am pretty good at eating an orange. I am very opinionated although I do not care about too many things. I prefer cool, cloudy weather. Drinking tea is nice. I’m President of the Lazyites Club. If you want to meet me hang out at the Linkyshire coffee shop.
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Apr 29, 2011, 11:54 pm
Or summer as it is sometimes called, Is coming again. I am not looking forward to it. The other day, a big ugly fly banged into my head. Annoying, and just like fly season. Iceland sounds better. I think I’ll go there this summer.
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Apr 29, 2011, 11:49 pm
I heard this on the TV the other day on the local Linkyshire station. I think Mayor Armapple was interviewing a resident psychiatrist... It was stated with sincerity. I thought I’d pass it along to you. Go to a coffee shop. Get coffee. Sit down next to a girl you think you like. Or wait for one t...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Apr 19, 2011, 9:36 pm
Bought a new keyboard for my laptop. Had to use an old keyboard tray to put it on. Had to turn the table over to install the keyboard tray. The table was a lot heavier than I anticipated. Had to find a drill to drill the holes for the tray but I only had a high speed drill that burned the wood a lit...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Mar 22, 2011, 10:53 pm
Pinky was afraid her old puter would die. Sometimes there was a streak on her screen and sometimes there wasn’t. It was a mystery. Puters are scary. Her decision took a whole year. But John Puterhead helped. He took her to the store to ‘just look’ at the beautiful, new puters. Wow! They were s...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Mar 19, 2011, 1:12 pm
Paul is out of the country again. He sent me a card from Japan. He got a job at the Imperial Palace. He sweeps the paths outside. It is a zen job, he says. It makes him happy. It is a sustainable, green job, he says.
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Mar 15, 2011, 11:04 pm
This time of year it is wet in Linkyshire. People walk along with their heads down to avoid the pelting rain. I drink my Golden Yunnan tea from a bodum glass. I don’t mind the weather. It makes me feel that it’s ok to stay inside.
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Feb 26, 2011, 5:52 pm
Thank you for visiting Linkyshire! Oh distinguished visitors from Russia! You are very far away. I wish I could see you. But I can see you on the google map. The map is fascinating to an infant like me. I extend this welcome to you: welcome to Linkyshire, the best of all places. P.S. Perhaps you’d...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Feb 9, 2011, 2:33 pm
I go down to my mailbox. I empty the mailbox. I walk into the garage holding my mail. I lift the top of the recycling bin and Toss my mail into the bin.
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Feb 2, 2011, 12:09 am
I was coming home from N-Town, a mere 8 miles away. Then it started to snow, heavily. All the cars slowed down Because we were all scared of crashing our cars together. I turned North and all the cars were there. I turned West and all the cars were there. I got to thinking, after I created a new la...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Jan 30, 2011, 10:15 pm
There was a cat in the tree in the middle of a snow storm. And there was Badel on a ladder hoisting his 80 year old frame up the ladder. I saw him from the window of my unit and called out to him, “What are you doing Badal?” “Oh, it’s you,” he said, “I’m balancing my karma... “you s...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Jan 15, 2011, 7:37 pm
I put down my 7th cigarette, left my apartment and headed downtown, Swerving and cutting off the laggards in the left lane, My Mini-Cooper rocketing underneath me... It was one of those sultry days of summer when anything can happen. And happen it did. Once parked, I walked into the coffee shop and...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Dec 28, 2010, 11:43 pm
John published another story. You might remember the first two. There once were three voles. They lived in three houses right next to each other. Every chance they got they stole food from the other two voles. When the middle vole went shopping the other two would steal his food. When the vole on th...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Dec 21, 2010, 1:24 am
Coyotes are dogs aren’t they? I like dogs. But the Linkyshire coyotes argue a lot. And that is unacceptable. Because their arguing is scary. I feel scared when they’re all together like that. And arguing. About some bone or something. In the middle of the night. In the middle of Linkyshire. When...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Dec 9, 2010, 9:06 pm
Pinky never comes to LInkyshire anymore. As you may recall she said LInkyshire was boring. It has been so long since she’s been here. Of course, I have been to Pinkyshire. But I find Pinkyshire boring. And her house isn’t Pink anymore either. It’s ORANGE. So what is going on? So what to do? Do...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Dec 7, 2010, 9:45 pm
He said Pinketoon challenged him. Chained him like a big dog, he said. So he took the challenge, but changed the lock on his door. See if she’ll be up to that challenge, he said. So much for his love life, I guess. John and I went to the dog park to philosophize. Dogs are wise. I thought we might ...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Nov 12, 2010, 11:51 pm
John thought he should become a public speaker. He attended a class to learn all about it. Armapple Communications was giving the seminar. John walked away confused. He said the tenet of the class included the following ideas: Pursue your dreams.Write a seminar.Learn to use the same slide deck over ...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Nov 7, 2010, 11:15 am
Pinky and I wanted to go to the dog park, but, we didn’t have a dog. We’d thought about getting a dog, but, we never did. So now we had a problem. How to get into the dog park? Cuz, you can’t get in without one. We meandered over to the dog park and noticed a dog rental shop, Proprietor: Olive...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Oct 26, 2010, 8:20 am
There is nothing safer than a white shirt. I wore it to Evantonian and never had any trouble at all.
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Oct 25, 2010, 5:08 pm
John Puterhead was brought in to look at Pinky’s puter. It was slow. He looked. He saw. He shook his head. There’s no way I can fix this on my own, he said. So John Puterhead was stumped. I was stumped. Pinky’s puter is slow because of 1000 email and 1000 sticky notes. Pinky finds this all a b...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Oct 25, 2010, 4:09 pm
Pinky’s computer clogged up. A thousand or more emails are in her inbox. There is no way she can read them. There is no way she wants them. Some people who know Pinky will never get a reply. Some advertisers will never have her as a customer. They should think twice before sending out that email. ...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Oct 18, 2010, 9:56 pm
The Burning Arrow Store caught fire. Fred put it out. Hurray for Fred! He is the best fire chief in the world. I think. The mall was not affected. No one fled in panic. There was no one in the mall at the time. Hurray for Fred. Although Fred looks weird in his sunglasses at night.
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Oct 12, 2010, 8:36 am
Linkyshire has machines. They operate at night when we’re sleeping. Sometimes you can hear them but usually not. They are in the woods and the streams and on the roads. And what are they doing? They are making Linkyshire perfect. They are picking up the pieces of paper, the bottle caps, glass, an...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Oct 11, 2010, 11:41 pm
The Lazyites club is not meeting this week, just in case you missed it.
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Oct 6, 2010, 11:17 pm
Sometimes you just can’t help but feel good about Linkyshire. The cars are small. The lawns are mowed. The curbs are well maintained. The town hall is new but looks old-fashioned. And there are lots of trees swaying.
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Sep 29, 2010, 11:28 pm
They were standing in the parking lot. Talking, talking, talking. Pinketoon looked happy, gaily chattering away. John was animated. They were there for over an hour together. Then they moved off to the gazebo by the pond. I don’t think we have to wonder what’s happening here. Linkyshire does won...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Sep 24, 2010, 9:45 pm
Pink (a.k.a Pinky) was in the kitchen. She was cleaning up. A moth was floating around the room. It landed here and there and it became a nuisance. Pink put on her dishwashing gloves and punched it. That’s how to deal with a moth, I thought.
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Sep 19, 2010, 12:45 am
I went to Linkyshire’s high end mall today. There was a new store called the Burning Arrow Store. They sold burning arrows or so they said. There were slogans on the front of the store that read, “Do unto others as you would not want them to do unto you” and a quote from China’s prime minist...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Sep 14, 2010, 11:26 pm
John is back. He says he was in Antarctica on a trip. Don’t believe it. And remember he is from Finland not Antarctica. When I bumped into him a second time he said he was in the woods for four months. That is believable. I know what I want to do now, he said. What? I have to find a woman to marry...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Sep 6, 2010, 11:07 pm
I was sitting around at home. Minding my own business. When, Pinky’s sister showed up. She introduced herself as Pinketoon. It sounded like a Canadian territory. But out of respect for Pinky, I ushered her in. She couldn’t sit still. She kept jumping up to point at something, to exclaim, to anno...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Sep 1, 2010, 4:22 pm
John has been on Spring Break for a few months. No, I haven’t heard from him. I suspect he is very well. I’m sure his explorations will lead him back to Linkyshire. Why shouldn’t they? His mini-cooper is still here.
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Aug 25, 2010, 10:11 pm
A fly landed on my head today in the coffee shop. I tried to swat at it and hit myself on the head. I wish summer were over. Then the flies would be dead. Then I could sit in the coffee shop peacefully, and not be a danger to myself.
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Aug 22, 2010, 9:49 pm
Do you ever consider yourself unlucky to be living in the 21st century? I mean what if you were living in the 25th century? I think I’d like to be living in the 25th century. I think the 25th century would be more like the Jetsons. Wouldn’t that be better? But maybe I would be gnawing on bones ...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Aug 13, 2010, 10:18 pm
Well, I’ve avoided this topic all summer. Grim it is. There is more than one fly in the coffee shop these days. I just want to go in there with a big fan and blow them all around the shop. They mess me up. They sit on my cup. The owner doesn’t care. They fill the air. I am unhappy.
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Aug 12, 2010, 11:39 pm
Mrs. Magellan looked sad. Her computer was broken. She asked me if I could fix it but I declined. Computers are just a nuisance to me. Not that I hate them or anything. I prefer driving around in my Mini-Cooper. Later I saw John Puterhead with Mrs. Magellan’s computer under his arm. I knew it was ...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Aug 2, 2010, 7:00 pm
Arbo turned 14 and got his learner’s permit. He asked me if I would teach him to drive. His Dad was away, permanently. I couldn’t refuse really. My heart is made of American cheese. I drove out to a country dirt road and put him behind the wheel. He was doing fine most of the time. Then he start...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Jul 15, 2010, 9:35 pm
Pinky has more boxes than anyone I know. They are not organized. I mention that because one would think that if someone went to the trouble of putting so many things in so many boxes that they would be. But they’re not. The boxes are all over the place. Some are quite old. Some have utility bills ...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Jun 22, 2010, 12:01 am
Pinky did not want me to come to her new place. She said I was too big for Pinkyshire. But I went anyway. I knew my Mini-Cooper was the right size. The stepping stones to her new pink house were small, small, small. I had to tiptoe to her little front door. My knocking on it seemed to rattle the who...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Jun 15, 2010, 6:01 pm
Last night frogs croaked in the pond. I could hear them through my window. They got louder and louder. The traffic diminished. They got louder and louder. I listened to them. They chorused, “Mu Li Sha”.
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Jun 10, 2010, 4:55 pm
Every time we talk we mention the word ‘militia’. Pinky thinks Armapple was trying to be nice. Militia is on my tongue when I brush my teeth. There is nothing I can do about it. I await the next step whatever it is. I have no idea.
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Jun 2, 2010, 2:49 pm
Mayor Armapple’s office has nice Herman Miller chairs. Mayor Armapple graduated from Herman Miller college in Woffsburg, Germany. He said nice things about LInkyshire. Then he asked me about my Mini-Cooper which is what polite Linkyshire people say to each other. We talked about the weather. Linky...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - May 31, 2010, 2:58 pm
Pinky’s hair is fluffy. Her head is very small. Her hair sticks out and makes her head look larger than it is. But I do not call her Fluffy. First of all, the name Fluffy is derogatory. Fluffy is a dog’s name. Pinky is a human being and except when she is annoyed she is sweet. Therefore she does...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - May 29, 2010, 10:42 pm
Mayor Armapple invited me to his office. What an honor! I have never met with a mayor of any town anywhere. I’m really looking forward to it. I can’t imagine what I could offer the town of Linkyshire. I’m a peon.
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - May 8, 2010, 11:11 am
Mayor Armapple was present at the opening of a new store in Linkyshire. He is our best promoter. Someone invented contacts for cats and the name of the new store is Cat Eye. So you can get your cat contacts and even change the color of your pet’s eyes with a purchase. I liked the ones with LEDs ar...
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - May 1, 2010, 9:54 pm
You may remember Pinky’s statement. Pitiful, isn’t it? Why would anyone want to leave the hellenistic civilization of Linkyshire. I asked her where she was going. She said, “Pinkyshire”. I’m not sure how to take that exactly. I’m sure we’ll see each other again soon.
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Douglas Paul Thiel posted an article on Stories from Linkyshire - Apr 25, 2010, 6:00 pm
I went to Evantonian to have a nice Indian meal. I found the restaurant and sat down to eat. I ate the meal. It was good Indian food but it sucked for some reason. I went and bought a chocolate bar. That was better. Then I went to the coffee shop and ordered a small latte with an extra shot. It was ...
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