Haley K.

Latest Activity

Squirrel Tales

Haley K. posted an article on - Jun 10, 2011, 12:53 am
"I shink itsh maybe a shircush" the little abomination of a Shih Tzu stated balancing himself on top of my back while trying to get a better view through the knothole in the fence. What?! I can't smell any animals out there you twit. Besides, what kind of circus has performers wearing orange j...
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Raise the Alarm... Intruder Alert!

Haley K. posted an article on - Mar 24, 2011, 12:29 pm
Once again I've caught that no-good, orange jumpsuit wearing, peeping tom looking over the wall of the compound! Every month around the same time this interloper comes to the back perimeter of our property and peers over the fence to ogle the grey box on the back of the house with his l...
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My Own March Madness...

Haley K. posted an article on - Mar 22, 2011, 11:04 am
So it is spring here in Burbank, CA and true to form - it's been raining almost nonstop for the past week! This has resulted in a MAJOR increase in my doofus owner exposure and hope that stupidity is not contagious. Needless to say I'm completely disgusted with the situation. If not for my extreme d...
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Radiation Reaches California?

Haley K. posted an article on - Mar 19, 2011, 6:37 am
"I don't want to wear the shuit, I don't want to wear the shuit, I DON"T WANT TO WEAR THE SHUIT!" the little abomination of a shih-tzu stomped as I placed the yellow fabric hood lined with aluminum foil over his head. "Listen to me - there is radiation everywhere and if we are to be the ones to make...
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St. Patrick's Day... O Joy!

Haley K. posted an article on - Mar 17, 2011, 10:33 am
2011 Humor Bloggers St. Patrick's Day Humor Carnival - http://humorbloggers.com "Póg mo thóin!" Darby O'Houlihan barked as he walked down our street with his owner Shamus. "It's St. Patty's Day and I'll do whatever I damn well want!" he bellowed. "And what I want is some damn respect because I'm...
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Some Great Escape...

Haley K. posted an article on - Mar 14, 2011, 1:25 pm
"Keep digging you little twit!" I yelled at that little abomination of a Shih Tzu while pushing him forward. "You're smashing me.. and I'm tired!" "You don't have time to be tired!" I exclaimed wiping the dirt from my forhead, "Besides, don't you want to see all those bouncy balls of the other side?...
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My Volunteer to Help Japan...

Haley K. posted an article on - Mar 13, 2011, 5:24 pm
Love the people of Japan - nice people, great culture, and absolute lovers of dogs! So when I heard about the recent tragic events, my mind started racing about how I, a ninety-something pound dog could help. Today it came to me! To the People of Japan I submit to you today - my sumo-like, idiotic ...
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I need a Vacation...

Haley K. posted an article on - Mar 11, 2011, 1:53 am
"I'm sorry but I just can't understand what your saying" was the last words I heard before the click of the phone and subsequent humming of the mocking phone receiver. Shocked, dismayed, I sat for a few seconds - mouth agape - trying to collect my thoughts. How dare that know-nothing travel agent......
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And now... a Picture of My Owner!

Haley K. posted an article on - Mar 8, 2011, 11:11 am
OK, so this isn't the big moron but its the closest picture I could find to his resemblance - even has the same table mannerisms! The real injustice here is that a fool who looks like this has been allowed to rule my life all these years! How would you like having the recognized village idiot pullin...
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Kicked out again!

Haley K. posted an article on - Mar 7, 2011, 12:12 am
So the little human of the house was eating a meal from some Mc-something or other place tonight when he left the table to visit that closet the humans go every now and then to hide. I swear that closet smells a lot like the grassy area outside where I drop my Alpo remnants but I digress. Anyway, so...
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Damn Roof Rats...

Haley K. posted an article on - Jul 19, 2010, 1:45 pm
So I'm outside last night enjoying the cool evening breeze when Pat the roof rat decides he's going to stroll down the power line from the kumquat tree onto our roof. As I watched - I felt the embers of madness well up inside me. The voice in my head kept saying over and over... How dare he! After a...
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Hot day in Burbank!!!

Haley K. posted an article on - Jul 14, 2010, 7:32 pm
Wow, it's scorching here in Burbank! I was out for a total of about a half hour today - mainly in the morning. On days like this, I refuse the moron as he asks if I want to go outside. Instead, I just look at him like the jerk he is until he gives up and moves on to whatever idiocy he fancies. Have ...
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Hello Again.

Haley K. posted an article on - Jun 15, 2010, 2:22 pm
Sorry for my long absence - I've been attending to pet based real estate. There are an alarming amount of displaced family pets due to the recession so I've been helping these poor souls find and sell their homes. I guess their human owners are no longer in a position to take care of them so pets ar...
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I've got four years to train for the next winter Olympics...

Haley K. posted an article on - Mar 1, 2010, 12:44 pm
Inspired by what I had witnessed for weeks on the television, I began my golden journey. With cut 2 x 4 s slung across my back I climbed to the top of the compound's highest roof. The hot Southern California sun baking my corneas and warm choking smog smothering my snout - I started the construction...
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Rain

Haley K. posted an article on - Jan 25, 2010, 11:50 pm
"Get your furry butt in here!" he screamed - shivering in the doorway trying unsuccessfully to keep dry. Defiant, I slowed my pace letting the glorious freedom shower caress me in its loving embrace. I strolled slower still, keeping my gaze upon his beet red face for I knew he was about to explode. ...
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Feeling good...

Haley K. posted an article on - Jan 8, 2010, 2:46 am
Got the world on a string here. Finally have the wind at my back so it's full steam ahead. I figure if I keep on my current path - I'll soon be one of those who wears bedsheets all day because they're too big to fit into regular clothes. Oh, happy day!
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Put down the crack pipe and hear me out...

Haley K. posted an article on - Jan 2, 2010, 12:15 pm
OK, second day of January and some things are coming to light already. I'm guessing about 85% of you out there have already broken your New Years Resolution. It probably went something like this: 12:00am New Years - in celebration you throw cigarettes, cheeseburgers, crack pipe, or whatever out the ...
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Happy New Year!

Haley K. posted an article on - Jan 1, 2010, 12:36 pm
Oh thank God 2009 is over! What a crappy year for the shrinking middle class. And we here on the idiotville compound felt the effects as well. The big doofus spent most of the year unemployed and his wife received her lay off notice as a teacher. Thankfully hers was rescinded otherwise I probably wo...
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Van... children

Haley K. posted an article on - Dec 31, 2009, 2:15 am
Just heard that Van Morrison and his girlfriend had a child! Congratulations to him but isn't he like 64 years old right now? Not sure what these people are thinking because the last thing I want in my senior years is to have another baby running amok around the house. I don't even want the older ki...
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Get back to work already...

Haley K. posted an article on - Dec 30, 2009, 1:18 am
Damn humans, they need to get back to what they do best... hanging around their workplaces pretending to work. This just isn't working out at all. I'm really getting tired of having to wait for my turn at the computer because my owner - Captain Fat Face needs to look at his online comics or his wife...
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You got to be kidding me?

Haley K. posted an article on - Dec 28, 2009, 11:03 pm
Well, the last sign of the apocalypse has finally been revealed and it comes in the form of...  the snuggie for dogs. I hope all you people are happy now. Your collective need to keep all living creature extra warm will most assuredly result in God's ultimate wrath now! You see, he's up there in he...
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