Hannah Colouredmind posted an article on Coloured mind and scattered thoughts - Aug 29, 2010, 3:49 pm
I did it again. Re-familiarised myself after a year. That slight stinging when you roll onto your side only to discover again that you’ve done it. And I did it in a totally calculated way- not like it used. It gave me relief like never before. An utter calm. And for a while I can look after it. Ta...
Comment - Like

Hannah Colouredmind posted an article on Coloured mind and scattered thoughts - Aug 23, 2009, 6:35 pm
// < ![CDATA[//
Comment - Like

Hannah Colouredmind posted an article on Coloured mind and scattered thoughts - Aug 13, 2009, 1:34 pm
// < ![CDATA[//
Comment - Like

Hannah Colouredmind posted an article on Coloured mind and scattered thoughts - Jul 16, 2009, 11:39 am
// < ![CDATA[//
Comment - Like

Hannah Colouredmind posted an article on Coloured mind and scattered thoughts - Dec 31, 1969, 7:00 pm
I am going skiing in the morning. A week of white wonderful snow. Just a focus on the next turn, the next life, the next run. Focus on the glowing white. White. White. White. Snow is white, white and wonderful and cold. Banishing the woes that fill my head. Banishing it all to a miserable grave. Ban...
Comment - Like

Hannah Colouredmind posted an article on Coloured mind and scattered thoughts - Dec 31, 1969, 7:00 pm
Black hole is where I have been, chucked down and spat out. The black hole is where I tried to be. I left for skiing with this foolproof plan in my head, and, and now. Now I know that the plan isn’t fool proof, its not anything, its nothing. Nothing enough for me to get that close to the black hol...
Comment - Like

Hannah Colouredmind posted an article on Coloured mind and scattered thoughts - Dec 31, 1969, 7:00 pm
Its coming down, I am lost. Again. False smiles. Underworld. Dead meat. Suicide motel. Today I am a wild creature, and tomorrow I am lost again. Black swan. Forest fires. Dead wheels. Good times will never return. Last line… Stopped writing again, I am too full of something. This unbearable thin...
Comment - Like

Hannah Colouredmind posted an article on Coloured mind and scattered thoughts - Dec 31, 1969, 7:00 pm
I have left it again. Returning to this place, with caution in my head, there seems no way to start again. There is so much left unsaid. Unsaid because, because I can see no ways to put it into words. To describe what has been happening in this head of mine, or to explain this raw like feeling that ...
Comment - Like

Hannah Colouredmind posted an article on Coloured mind and scattered thoughts - Dec 31, 1969, 7:00 pm
The feelings they have abated and the plans been left unplanned. The dirty mist has lifted and I am turning away from it. Away because, because for now I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to talk about it. To pretend that it never existed. For today I am a wild creature and tomorrow I a...
Comment - Like

Hannah Colouredmind posted an article on Coloured mind and scattered thoughts - Dec 31, 1969, 7:00 pm
This thing, this thing is following me, it’s in my head. Head that’s where it is, in this messed up place that controls my thoughts and my most inner being. That screwed up faulty place. That’s where this badness is, and it’s not been caused by some awful childhood. No bullying at school, no...
Comment - Like

Hannah Colouredmind posted an article on Coloured mind and scattered thoughts - Dec 31, 1969, 7:00 pm
Rush by night into the arms of time, that’s what I want to do. To depart from this shell, from the colourless traffic. Dead leg. Dead arm. Dead hand. Dead eye. Dead I. To leave this inhospitable land, of this colonised soil with its homogenous culture. Forever and a year stretching down into the e...
Comment - Like

Hannah Colouredmind posted an article on Coloured mind and scattered thoughts - Dec 31, 1969, 7:00 pm
Nineteen I am, that short gap after teenage spots and before the wrinkles start to grow across your face. Well apart from these two crinkles on my forehead. They came from this period in my life, it was a year ago now, or maybe it’s still happening. Let’s not go into it. These two crinkles on m...
Comment - Like

Hannah Colouredmind posted an article on Coloured mind and scattered thoughts - Dec 31, 1969, 7:00 pm
This place has been a long time in the making, but it’s failed to grow with me or me grow with it. Eitherway it shows a dim representation of what happens in my headspace. And I don’t want this illness or this coloured mind description to define me. And, and in the end all things draw to a clo...
Comment - Like

Hannah Colouredmind posted an article on Coloured mind and scattered thoughts - Dec 31, 1969, 7:00 pm
I feel like I am playing catch up, catch up to all the years I have lost to crippling depression. Catch up with my peers, catching up with the many milestones I have missed. That is what this mood disorder has done to me, or that is what it feels like it has done. Catching up with having interests, ...
Comment - Like