Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Oct 21, 2011, 4:33 pm
( I was talking with a friend the other day about what, as children of the 70s and 80s, we were and weren't allowed to watch on television. And looking back, the overarching results are pretty entertaining: If the stuffed clown doll tries to strangle a child protagonist: Jenn can w...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Sep 28, 2011, 8:06 am
Ah, the excitement! The drama! The... er... two small, furry creatures butting in front of the camera trying to get involved in every aspect of the event whether I want their help or not... Such was the Of Cabbages and Kings blog drawing for copies of my new humorous sci-fi novel, ...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Sep 20, 2011, 9:37 am
It's got humor... fantasy... science fictioniness... and all the other things you want in a good book like, um, pages that turn and a spine that holds it all together! And best of all, if you leave a comment answering the question below, I'll put you in a drawing for one of two free copi...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Sep 14, 2011, 1:21 pm
This was prompted by a Google search that came to my blog the other day. Someone was looking for "Henry the Eighth for Kids." Once I stopped snickering over the image of The Tudors filmed for a pre-school crowd--- ("you see, Timmy, when a King and his courtier love each other very, very ...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Sep 9, 2011, 1:13 pm
... 13; "Knock, knock," came the sound on my passenger window ... standing there, motioning. I rolled down the window with 68% certainty this ... flat. This was not unlike the situation two months ago where ... Streep's character in The Devil Wears Prada. You could never ......
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Aug 29, 2011, 12:39 pm
Just a quick little announcement to say the humorous space fantasy novel I've been yammering about writing for, oh, forever now-- There Goes the Galaxy-- officially has a Facebook page, for folks who'd like to keep up with news on it. I'm targeting the launch for September-- I'll let you...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Aug 22, 2011, 8:43 am
Campbell's new Kettle of chicken chili. Hearty, tasty, and it looks so... microwavable... doesn't it? In fact, it looks like it's packaged just like Campbell's equally delicious and microwavable Chicken and Dumplings, and the beef veg soup with the little hamburger patties in it, and our...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Aug 19, 2011, 10:47 am
I apologize that I've been so e-silent here on the blog lately. In trying to get my one novel wrapped up for publication in September, and working on its follow-up, I do not have my bloggy mojo lately. Bloggy mojo has been stolen. Possibly by the creature in the video that I'll share with you ...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Aug 10, 2011, 10:06 am
"Steakyjak." That was the fake name some apparently carnivorous spambot sent me, as it auto-applied for membership in a forum I used to admin. Recently, I've been getting one notice like this every hour, and a few in-between, sort of like the ...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Jul 26, 2011, 8:27 am
I had seen the future and I knew what it held. Yet, like Cassandra in Greek myth, the vision of what was To Be remained sadly unheeded. It all started because my young cat Harry, who is normally happy to spend his day whipping around in circles trying to catch that always-surprisin...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Jul 15, 2011, 9:28 am
Look how quiet, cute and innocent they seem. Alas... I'm from New Jersey originally and while I'd like, for the sake of accuracy, to set the record straight and say I never, ever knew anyone who: --Wore more bling than Liberace in a chandelier showroom ...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Jul 7, 2011, 8:00 am
There are many unexpected moments in life for the not-quite-caffeinated. I'm about to tell you all a tale I probably will regret sharing. But never let it be said that I don't give my all for the sake of this humor blog. It started with my two young cats, Harry and Alice, who have this morbid fascin...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Jun 30, 2011, 1:10 pm
I have a new friend. He doesn't know me, and well, I don't really know him, either. But the vision that has evolved of him over the past few days has warmed my heart. He is a Google searcher, who has gone to my post, The "Force This!: Jedi Simulation Correspondence Course" four times now. And for th...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Jun 24, 2011, 8:43 am
Proving how not-awake I am in the mornings-- over coffee I found myself unable to resist watching this Animal Planet show about Bigfoot hunting. And the scientific knowledge I imparted from it-- and which I will share with you good folks today-- is as follows: If the m...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Jun 17, 2011, 12:16 pm
So this week I made my plans to go down to Florida and, per my dad's request, scatter his cremains in Florida Bay. Not terribly funny right? Not material fit for a humor blog? Oh, just you wait for it, my friends. So in doing some research, I learned that in order to accomplish these last wishes, I...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Jun 8, 2011, 8:30 am
So the reason for my recent e-silence is I decided to take the bull by the horns-- in a metaphorical way, since I generally prefer to keep a safe distance from muscular, pointy livestock-- and independently publish my novel. It's been a lot of work but a lot of fun so far, though my brain has not qu...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - May 26, 2011, 12:15 pm
The title of this post was actually a search phrase that arrived at my blog yesterday, and the image it conjured made me laugh out loud. In my mind, Granny is speeding down the Parkway doing 85 in her souped-up Hoveround, weaving in and out of traffic and cackling as she kicks up gravel onto the hoo...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - May 18, 2011, 7:53 am
I had posted this tale a few months ago, prior to giving my novel the launch. But I thought now that There Goes the Galaxy is officially out there in the world, I would repost it for the folks who missed it. This short story uses two characters found in There Goes the Galaxy, and it tak...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - May 10, 2011, 8:15 am
So you say you've written a book-- and now you must weed through the thousands of web sites out there written by everyone-- From best-selling novelists to people who once penned their phone number on a cocktail napkin-- All ready to advise you on how to pitch your beloved novel. Yet very few of th...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - May 4, 2011, 11:39 am
It's May the Fourth-- also known as "Star Wars Day." So to celebrate this special yearly occasion where Star Wars fans don plastic light sabers and bagel ears, and non-Star Wars fans take a moment to wonder what on Tatooine "May the Fourth" has to do with Star Wars, I have pulled together a collecti...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Apr 28, 2011, 9:11 am
I noticed some Googler came to this blog searching for "Darth Vader Voice Generator." And while I'm afraid I had nothing to meet his current need, the thought did cross my mind: How awesome would it be to spend the entire workday talking in a Darth Vader voice?!! I mean, I do a lot of client service...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Apr 19, 2011, 9:42 am
Mother Nature has an incontinence problem. Or maybe she's just been glued to the Lifetime Network's latest "Beautiful-Actresses-Dying-Tragically-Yet-Finding-Last-Minute-Closure-with-their-Domineering-Mothers" movie marathon. Either way, here in Pittsburgh it has been raining almost every day since ...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Apr 13, 2011, 8:29 am
March marked Of Cabbages and Kings' third bloggiversary. And attesting to either my increasing age, or the advanced age of the Cabbage, I forgot all about it. I mainly see it as a lost opportunity for cake. But it did get me thinking how, as humans, our whole perspective on life changes when we've b...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Apr 7, 2011, 3:12 pm
Now that I think about it, I am one-step from making myself sit in the corner and taking away my own TV privileges. And, yes, I am an adult, and yes, I do run my own life, and no, I can't MAKE me do it, dammit, if I don't want to... But yet the logical, frugal part of my brain honed by ever-hauntin...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Apr 7, 2011, 3:12 pm
Now that I think about it, I am one-step from making myself sit in the corner and taking away my own TV privileges. And, yes, I am an adult, and yes, I do run my own life, and no, I can't MAKE me do it, dammit, if I don't want to... But yet the logical, frugal part of my brain honed by ever-hauntin...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Mar 22, 2011, 3:00 pm
Normally, I get very jazzed about hotel showers. I love the fresh towels that I have not had to personally launder... the teeny shampoo bottles... the courtesy shower gels with words like "butter" in them (they could only be better if they read "bacon," too)... and the gusty jets of water that can ...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Mar 14, 2011, 1:40 pm
When you're a humor blogger, sometimes the humor just comes to ewe. This photo of a metal Easter sheep door hanging was taken by me in the dollar store out by Century III mall in Pittsburgh this weekend. "'Ewe' ready for Eastet?" our wooly friend asks.And I think:"Not teally, I haven't enjoyed St. P...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Mar 8, 2011, 4:30 pm
They are out of place, out of time, or out of a method acting class... They're the foreign accents that infiltrate our favorite films where these accents should not go. And whether it's because it's a riveting actor or a film too fun to care, they become a part of the film's tone so much we may not ...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Mar 2, 2011, 7:30 am
It's a humor blogger's dream. And it's got everything... Madness! Megalomania! Magic! And Men (2.5, to be specific). But today I will not write about the very public mental implosion of Charlie Sheen-- thespian, comedian and, um, vengeance-filled warlock. See, that would be just so easy. And he...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Feb 22, 2011, 12:45 pm
A commercial this morning taught me some new, very eye-opening negatives about coffee. Apparently, you have to:Make itWait for itFuss with itCarry it around along with a briefcase and overcoat nearly spilling it upon your personOr-- if you are unable to manage the painful inconvenience of those-- yo...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Feb 10, 2011, 12:01 pm
It was jotted in my own manic scrawl, in pencil, on the corner of a scrap of paper and left on my desk. It sat there with gravity, weight.  It Meant Something. And it stayed there on my desktop for several weeks, patient and waiting,  because it, yes, Still Undoubtedly Meant Something.  It was a...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Feb 1, 2011, 8:30 am
"You mean this isn't the jury box?" So according to this article from the Telegraph newspaper, a Boston cat recently was called to do jury duty. It turns out "Tabby Sal" had been listed on the family's census submission, under Pets, but it appears that with today's anti-discrimination policies, our...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Jan 25, 2011, 9:00 am
Jack Bauer, the never-dining, never-producing-bodily-fluids-besides-blood-and-strategically-issued-spit hero of 24 endured the whole line of today's favorite military torture techniques in his many seasons on television. But in a Facebook conversation with fellow blogger Ron Wells, we began to real...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Jan 18, 2011, 7:46 am
It'll be a new trend in women's businesswear! Flared trousers with salt and blood stains at the knee and down the calf, and suede knee-boots with matching salt residue trim just at the toe. Eye-makeup will coordinate with ice-scraper-shaped bruising and contusions at the temple. I think, if I play i...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Jan 12, 2011, 8:32 am
Given Jack Frost's pretty much given half the U.S. the snow equivalent of in-school bullying so far this January, and my hands are still frozen in the shoveling position (makes it seriously hard to type, let me tell ya), I was thinking a lot lately about neighborhood snow removal. A look down the bl...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Jan 3, 2011, 10:30 am
Jim Croce had it right: You don't pull on Superman's cape.  You don't spit into the wind.  You don't pull off the mask of the 'ol Lone Ranger. And you never completely recraft well-known, if expletive-filled, lines of the Coen Brothers' dialogue from The Big Lebowski in an effort to make it family...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Dec 29, 2010, 7:20 am
(If you missed Puce is Not for Sissies Part One, and the explanation of what on earth this is, and why it's on Cabbages this week, click here for enlightenment and hopefully a few jolly snickers at my expense.) ________________________________... "So how do you two like school this year?" queried U...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Dec 28, 2010, 7:50 am
I unearthed one of my high school's literary magazines from way back in 1989, and realized I had apparently been writing humor-- or at least what passed for it among my peers-- for a very, very long time.  This story appeared in that magazine as it appears now. While it certainly presses the bounda...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Dec 22, 2010, 8:00 am
Did you get a chance to play "Guess That Christmas Song" in yesterday's post? No???? Well, we all know you're just killing time until you can go warm those feet by an open fire, pour yourself a cup o' the nog and let the festivities begin. I mean, it's not like you're doing actual real work right no...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Dec 21, 2010, 10:55 am
Hi, and welcome to "Guess That Christmas Song"-- the holiday game show entirely without prizes, where we describe one of the season's beloved and most overplayed Christmas tunes and you guess the title! Answers will be given in tomorrow's exciting post. It's fun for the whole family! (Except for, y'...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Dec 20, 2010, 12:30 pm
"Embalmed Head of King Henry IV Found!" says the headline. And the article goes on to discuss how ol' Hank had lost his head in the confusion of the French Revolution-- like, way literally-- and how the cast from the French version of Bones was called to identify him, in an exciting Sweeps Week t...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Dec 14, 2010, 7:30 am
Now see here, Facebook-- how can I convince you that I do not want to know? Offline, I close my ears and childishly "la-la-la" to myself over possibly-dangerous watercooler talk. I tell my friends "Talk to the Hand" when they start with the hearty, "Hey, did you see last night's ep--" And I warn the...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Dec 8, 2010, 9:13 am
I've been running fast on deadlines this week-- seems it's hard to find the funny when you're buried under the weight of two tons of Excel spreadsheets-- but I didn't want to leave my dear Cabbages readers empty-handed and completely Cabbage-free. So I thought-- if you haven't gotten a chance to see...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Dec 1, 2010, 2:30 pm
Over the years, I've learned a lot from the Muppets. And no, I'm not just talking about piddly little things like... y'know... spelling, numbers, colors, or Gilbert and Sullivan show tunes as sung by giant cucumbers. No, I'm talking about the really useful stuff!There is currently no 12-step program...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Nov 23, 2010, 7:30 am
Above: Every bored toddler should be playing with razor-sharp axes for the holidays, right? (?!) Well, it's that time of year, folks! Time to stop and think about what makes us thankful. So at Cabbages, I've put together a very special list of the things that I've been grateful for in the past year...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Nov 16, 2010, 3:30 pm
Faster than a racing heartbeat! More powerful than a punctured jugular! Able to generate her own anxiety at the flash of a single white lab coat... It's the world's most boring party trick!... It's an exciting new pharma giveaway!... No! It's Blood Pressure Elevation Girl! Feel the rush!! Yup, that'...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Nov 9, 2010, 7:30 am
Folks who follow me on Twitter might know that as a marketing writer myself, I recently had some, um... strong... opinions on the new Toyota Highlander ads series. These commercials are the ones featuring the blond, tousled-haired tot who is the self-proclaimed Mr. Blackwell of all that is Cool and...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Nov 2, 2010, 6:51 am
Somehow it became November, and the winter holiday season is creeping upon us.  Which got me thinking about the rather strange array of movies I trot out during the next eight weeks in an attempt to be festive... while simultaneously not feeling the urge to drive an icepick through my ears because ...
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Oct 26, 2010, 7:30 am
You are a "cat." This is called a "toy"... This is also called a toy. This is called a toy. This is a toy. Toy. Toy. Toy. Another toy. Toy. Toy. Toy. Toy. Arrgh, here be a toy. Toy. Toy. Food. What food? So sorry, my mistake...Toy.Any questions?
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Jenn T. posted an article on Of Cabbages and Kings - Oct 19, 2010, 7:47 am
October: the time of year the witches set aside their Swiffer Wetjets for more traditionally seasonal modes of flying transit...  Those bright, crisp days before the carved pumpkins begin to sag, sink and soggily sway like drunken old men on every doorstep... The time of year I realize how many Hal...
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