Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Aug 2, 2011, 9:04 am
We gotta get out of this place
Soooo . . . it’s been a while. I know. Get over it.
Hey, did I ever tell you I used to suffer from panic attacks? NO? Well, no wonder. Panic attacks aren’t very funny. Oh, sure, it’s funny when it happens to someone else. HAHAHAHA! Can’t walk half a block f... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Apr 23, 2011, 11:28 am
Do you ever remember me, baby?
OK, so a decade has passed since my last post. And that’s the closest thing to an apology you’re gonna get.
More to the point, what have I been doing all this time?
Oh, lots of stuff. I’m still doing the torturous Bikram yoga. I celebrated Dave’s birthday (h... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
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Feb 26, 2011, 3:22 pm
Long stem roses are the key to your heart
But he needs to start with your head
That’s right, SUCKAHS!
50 years of awesomeness, wrapped up in one gorgeous package. You can look all you want, but no you may not touch. 50-year-old JD is fragile, y’all.
50-year-old JD is also somewhat bewildered... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
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Feb 5, 2011, 11:42 am
Hungry for the meeting
The dinner we’ll be eating
All this recent talk of mealworms made me remember one of my bucket list entries:
Purchase and eat a McDonald’s Happy Meal — without getting caught!
Because you have to have proof of child, right, to legitimately buy a Happy Meal? I mean, t... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
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Jan 28, 2011, 10:53 am
I’m back in the saddle again
I’m BAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCKKKKKK!
Wake up your neighbors, lock up your children, dress up your cats, and start frying the bacon.
JD IS BACK (and better than ever? YES, duh!).
Phew. So, how do you blog again? I know it has something to do with words and pictures.
Dee... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Oct 17, 2010, 9:33 am
You’re poison runnin’ through my veins
So I just discovered that there’s this thing called an “alarm” and it gets you out of bed!
Oh, STOOPID JD, I can hear you yell. Everyone knows that an alarm clock will wake you up.
Well, who’s stoopid now because it was NOT an alarm clock that go... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Oct 9, 2010, 9:51 am
Hey, everyone! It’s regular ol’ JD here. No, sorry, I do NOT know where Dr. JD or Professor JD are right now. You’re stuck with me.
It gets worse.
You’re also stuck with an old post, because the only things I’ve been doing lately are:
Bikram yoga
rehydrating
Wrapping Prudence up like a ... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
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Sep 26, 2010, 11:55 am
And the worms ate into his Head (brain)
Hello, and welcome to yet another (FREE!) installation of Dr. JD diagnoses and cures the sickly people of the Internet!
My esteemed colleague Professor JD recently took the blogosphere by storm when she appeared over at Cardiogirl’s VIP Lounge to help a bu... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Sep 18, 2010, 11:34 am
Why, even the muggers are off
The streets by eight
Oh, relax, y’all. I’m still alive. Bikram yoga hasn’t killed me yet, tho it is seriously cramping my style.
How so?
From the Bikram Web site:
You might find yourself feeling extremely energetic and experience difficulty sleeping. Don’t ... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Sep 3, 2010, 7:40 am
Bend it like Bikram
Picture it: You are in a room heated to 105 degrees with 40% humidity. Ahhh! Sounds like a pleasant sauna, right? Wrong. You cannot leave this room. Also? You will be forced to contort your body into unnatural poses as you struggle to grip slippery limbs and breathe through the ... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Aug 28, 2010, 10:42 am
Hey, little sister, shot gun!
Yes, in my version of a Polish wedding, I get to marry Gabriel Byrne while Claire Danes looks on in confusion.
But this wasn’t my wedding. Hell, we didn’t even GO to the wedding, because the deal was: wedding at 11:30, reception at 6:30, at a venue far, far away... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Aug 17, 2010, 9:50 am
Su-su-sushi don’t you cry
Take you to the sushi bar and buy you some
Fillet and claw
Clam and tuna
Gonna eat it raw
So then there was that time I was covered in tar.
The end.
Oh, you want details. Well, you would.
Listen, y’all can get covered in tar all by yourselves. You don’t need m... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Aug 12, 2010, 9:17 am
Better watch out for the skin tag
0
o
o
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WEE-OOO WEE-OOO WEE-OOO WEE-OOO WEE-OOO WEE-OOO
FIRST-EVER GUEST POST AT I DO THINGS!
My policy on guest posts has always been a big selfish NO! because it’s my blog and get your own blog. But then this poor soul reached out to me and said,... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Aug 9, 2010, 8:38 am
There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship’s smoke on the horizon
The battle against chronic pain continues!
And I WILL win. But not without a few casualties.
Those casualties, unfortunately, will be me. Only in singular. Casualty.
Last week my doctor sat at her computer with her handy ... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Jul 30, 2010, 10:51 am
Always got a mouthful of such sweet things to say
Chewy’s full of sugar and I love her that way
This post was supposed to be about that mythical unicorn of the Sandwich World:
The Candwich!
It’s a sandwich . . . in a can! And I’m sorry to tell you that one of the flavors is BBQ Chicken.
M... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Jul 23, 2010, 10:40 am
Time
After time
I sit and I wayyyyyyy-t for your call
It all started with some querulous old lady calling me and rambling on about a music festival and Dom Delmonico.
Or, it was just my lovely mom, politely asking if I’d like to accompany her to a concert at Frontier Days, Arlington Height... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Jul 16, 2010, 11:47 am
Jump by your will or be taken by force
I’ll get you either way
Trying to keep the hellfire lit
I am stalking you as prey
Welcome! Professor JD here. You might already be familiar with my esteemed colleague Dr. JD, who helps troubled and diseased souls across the Internet with their medical... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Jul 13, 2010, 9:34 am
I give my complete attention to a very good friend of mine
He's quadrophonic
This is the story of a laptop who died and the brave woman who struggled to find meaning in a life with no laptop.
(Hint: I am that brave woman. And the laptop who died? WAS MINE!)
(Yes, I refer to my laptop as a ... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Jun 27, 2010, 10:14 am
And all the pain
Only after the rain
Can you live again
Have you tried buying unscented deodorant lately?
Such a product has become increasingly hard to find, as the makers of personal hygiene products seem to think we all need to smell like scented carpet cleaners.
Man, I would rather smell li... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Jun 20, 2010, 10:13 am
I don’t like spiders and snakes
I have a bone to pick with two of my favorite bloggers.
Oh, they know who they are. But YOU don’t, so sit right down and listen.
Maureen, from I’d Rather Be Blogging recently had the audacity to proclaim herself a nerd while simultaneously posting... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Jun 14, 2010, 10:54 am
One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small
Something’s been bothering me lately and, not surprisingly, it has to do with butts.
Butts. We all have one. Hopefully only one! Wait . . . nope! I knew it. There’s at least one poor guy out there with two.
Anyway, for those of u... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Jun 10, 2010, 11:59 am
The week ends the week begins
It was a quiet, sultry day.
All was as you would expect it to be on a broiling May afternoon in the Chicago suburbs. The ceiling fan pushed the feeble breeze throughout the house, while giant mutant ants invaded the kitchen, seeking refuge from the pitiless sun.
As ... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Jun 7, 2010, 11:29 am
I don’t remember, I don’t recall
I got no memory of anything at all
Yes! I went to college. I majored in . . . something. And I lived in a dorm and then . . . some other places, with some people . . .
I know I had fun. I may have learned some stuff. Or not.
Did I go to college? It... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Jun 2, 2010, 10:10 am
Hot as a fever, rattling bones
I could just taste it, taste it
Recently, during a routine bacon conversation, a friend confessed the following: “I would love it if someone would sprinkle me with bacon salt. In fact, when I die, I want to be wrapped in bacon and laid out on a giant grill. Jus... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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May 30, 2010, 12:10 pm
But I know I’m gonna change that tune,
When I’m back on top, back on top in June
It’s been like Freaky Friday over here in I Do Things Land.
For years, I’ve nagged my mom to watch American Idol, and she has steadfastly refused. Then all of the sudden, she became a rabid fa... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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May 25, 2010, 9:15 am
Oh, hi. Yes, I’m recycling an old post. It’s been that kind of week, month, year. Sorry, my peeps. Your Aunt JD WILL be back, and better than ever, very shortly.
In the meantime, please enjoy my review of the awesome horror classic Last House on the Left. They recently dared to remake t... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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May 19, 2010, 9:47 am
If you go down to the woods today
You’d better not go alone
Hey, let me ask you guys something.
Has anyone ever chased you around with a whisk broom? While you were naked? And giggling?
I’m willing to bet this has happened to maybe 1% of our population, and yet this is the scenario d... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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May 12, 2010, 9:35 am
Happy she and happy he
They’re both as happy as can be
You read that right.
Twenty (20) years of monogamy. “Monogamy” translates to “sex with the same person for the rest of your life.” This was a difficult concept for me, back in my wild youth. But I’m happy t... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
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May 7, 2010, 10:16 am
Take all the fruit that you want to eat
It’s gonna be a fruit salad . . . bleeeuurgggh!
Did you remember to celebrate Dave’s birthday last month? If so, I hope y’all had a big, delicious slab of cake in his honor.
Because over here, we didn’t get no cake.
Dave’s bir... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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May 4, 2010, 10:28 am
Don’t be jealous of my boogie
Really, tho, I love ALL drag queens. I would love to hang out with a drag queen. If you are a drag queen, please call me so we can be best friends and also so you can show me how to create a cleavage shadow.
Drag queen boyfriends are even BETTER than gay boyfrie... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Apr 29, 2010, 11:08 am
But you’re not really here
It’s just the radio
OK, let me ask you this:
Where is our 2010 version of Karen Carpenter? You know, a female vocalist with a pure, clear, beautiful voice who just SINGS without all the frills and trills.
(Oops. I just thought of someone, but if I tell you ... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Apr 23, 2010, 10:22 am
I walk and walk, do nothing
OK, so . . .
Do you ever get fabulous offers from marketing wizards who are simply dying to promote your site for absolutely nothing in return? YES? Good. Send ‘em over to me, would ya?
Because I seem to attract a lot of dumbasses.
Why, just this week, I receive... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Apr 18, 2010, 9:57 am
If you wanna feel groovy
Give the doctor a call
What qualifies ME to diagnose serious medical conditions?
What qualifies YOU to ask that impertinent question?
And now, if it’s quite all right with YOU, let’s allow Dr. JD to get back to her job of healing people.
Please don’t b... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Apr 13, 2010, 10:10 am
They’ve given you a number and taken away your name
Let’s blame this one on lack of sleep, shall we?
First off, I have an iPod Touch. Man, it’s awesome. I love it like a boyfriend, even tho that “Vibrate” function doesn’t work. Pity. What it DOES do is play musi... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Apr 9, 2010, 9:12 am
But every night all the men would come around
And lay their money down
Apparently homeless people are eating better than we thought.
I recently ate at one of those places that serve you your breakfast in a skillet. Remember when skillet breakfasts didn’t exist? You just got your eggs and po... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Apr 5, 2010, 10:04 am
Um . . .
Last night, while reading my favorite news publication, I found out that I’m supposed to be wearing a bra.
This whole “bra” craze has totally passed me by. In fact, I’ve never been very preoccupied with my breastal area.
I do vaguely recall being 16 and reading ab... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Apr 1, 2010, 9:51 am
Come on, let’s find a way to be happy
Not like Plankton, he will never be satisfied
Well, the Arte y Pico and Proximade awards seem to have run their course. For now.
In addition to those auspicious prizes, I’ve received lots of cool stuff from my fellow bloggers over the years.
BEHO... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Mar 29, 2010, 10:18 am
I’ve kicked the habit
Shed my skin
This is the new stuff
I go dancing in
If you know nothing else about me, know this: I like to move it, move it. I don’t care how and I don’t care when. My parts must jiggle. My heart must pound. My sweaty ponytail must swirl.
But since my stu... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
I Do Things So You Don't Have To
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Mar 25, 2010, 9:36 am
The mush was as tasty
As tasty could be
Hey, y’all!
It’s another food post! Should I just bag the whole I Do Things concept and rename this blog “JD’s Dumbass Emporium of Food and Medical Procedures”? You can get back to me on that.
Anyway, for about a hundred years... Comment - Like
Julia D. posted an article on
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Mar 21, 2010, 9:50 am
Her arms are wicked and her legs are long
But you already knew that, right?
Because ALL of you read about it here. You already know that I am a half-breed — or should I say “part-breed,” for that is the term I coined in that popular post.
So it seems everyone knew.
Everyone but... Comment - Like
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