etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Feb 8, 2012, 7:59 pm
Today was a good day. I worked a little over 6 hours. That is the longest I've worked in well over one month. Needless to say, I was exhausted and slightly brain-dead by the end of the day. But it felt good to contribute to the welfare of my patients and to assist my coworkers again. My mood held...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Feb 5, 2012, 10:46 am
After my last post, a reader asked me what I was thinking. Well, Med, perhaps I write less about my thoughts because they are difficult to sort out. Or perhaps I write less about my thoughts, and more about what I'm doing, because my thoughts are so distressing right now. One of my goals with this ...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Feb 4, 2012, 6:03 pm
I've been doing okay with my plan to get outside once per day. I've walked or run short distances the last four days in a row. And by short, I mean less than 2 miles on most days. My mood, unfortunately, has remained at an all time low. It's frustrating and unbelievable. Today, since it...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Feb 1, 2012, 9:17 pm
I'm in the process of readjusting some of my goals. Depression is not letting up. I'm struggling. And for the first time in a long time, running is nearly impossible. I've had plenty of depression episodes over the past ten years, but one saving grace of each episode has been that I've not lost the...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Jan 29, 2012, 5:19 pm
As we all know, no matter how we feel, life moves on. One of the events I am moving toward is The Boston Marathon. It is now only 11 weeks away, and I am as far out of running shape as I've been in the past 3-5 years. I managed a couple of 3-milers on the hospital treadmill while inpatient, and I'...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Jan 27, 2012, 7:53 pm
I would love to begin this post by reporting that things are much improved around here. Unfortunately, I can't. I'm still feeling very, very low. I don't know why. I've stopped trying to figure it out. It is what it is. And I'm trying to move from one moment to the next as gracefully as possible.&#...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Jan 24, 2012, 10:41 am
I've been home for a few days now. I'm not doing very well. I called my mother over the weekend, and she flew into town yesterday. I was lucky. She had a free ticket to use, so she's here for the next week to help me out. We have one month worth of bills to go through, tax information to gather, and...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Jan 22, 2012, 11:10 am
I got out of the hospital yesterday. My sponsor picked me up from the hospital, and then we picked up Puck from her house, and then we all came home. Oh my God! I am totally overwhelmed being home. Totally overwhelmed! I haven't been in my house since just after Christmas. My home feels sterile and ...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Jan 20, 2012, 6:48 pm
I had my last ECT treatment today. It was uneventful, just the way I like it. I will be in the hospital overnight, and I will return home tomorrow morning. I can't wait to see my dog! I miss him so much! Apparently, he's been quite the charmer for his caretakers. I can't wait to return home with him...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Oct 30, 2011, 2:04 pm
It is said, if you take the action the mind will follow. It's kind of like faking it until you make it. It's what I've been forced to do for the past several days. As best I can, I'm taking the actions in hopes that my mind will follow. With the exception of yesterday, when I was dark and virtually ...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Oct 27, 2011, 4:33 pm
I guess I lied to you when I said I was okay. Here you were, sitting on my sofa, asking just that very question, and I lied. I don't know why. Perhaps because I'm trying to ignore the descent. I'm trying to shut out the darkness that's already made its way in. I lied because I don't want it to be so...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Oct 23, 2011, 4:37 pm
D just left my house. He's on his way home. As usual, it was great to see him and difficult to see him go. We had another nice weekend together, although his purpose this weekend was to assist me. That was his idea. He was going to do some work at his lake home this weekend, but he decided to come h...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Oct 19, 2011, 8:28 pm
I saw my orthopedic surgeon today. He took the stitches out of my knee, explained the photos of the surgical procedure, and checked on my progress. Then we talked about rehab. Unfortunately, the microfracture surgery he performed is not a quick healing procedure. In fact, he doesn't even want me ful...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Oct 17, 2011, 4:32 pm
I'm healing fairly well. I spent most of the weekend inside, sitting, icing, reading, and watching TV. It was beautiful outside, so I hobbled around a bit in the driveway. There wasn't much for me to do out there, and I wasn't sure I was supposed to drive yet anyway. Today I didn't care. I got in my...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Oct 15, 2011, 5:49 pm
I've not got much to report today. I'm feeling a little better everyday. My knee is coming along. The swelling is significantly less. I'm able to put some weight on it, and I'm working on flexing it a little further everyday. I'm pleased with the progress. The main issue I'm having is bor...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Oct 12, 2011, 6:24 pm
I'm about 24 hours post-op right now. My right knee is very, very sore. I've not yet been able to put more than a few ounces of weight on my leg and bending my knee is still out of the question. I wasn't quite prepared for this level of discomfort. Ice and pain meds have been crucial. T...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Oct 9, 2011, 3:38 pm
I'm sorry for the long delay in posting this week. I have finally recovered from my illness. I'm spending this weekend with D at the lake. It has been an unbelievably gorgeous weekend. The sun has been shining non-stop, and the temperatures have been in the 80's. The leaves are beautiful, and the...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Oct 4, 2011, 9:26 am
I don't know about you, but being ill exhausts me. I have been feeling poorly for over a week now. Last week was brutal. I had a fever, sore throat, stuffy head, and fatigue for 5 days. Then the cough set in. I've been coughing day and night since late last week. It's exhausting. It's ...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Sep 29, 2011, 8:01 am
The verdict is in. I will be having surgery on my right knee. As I expected, I have a torn lateral meniscus. The only question remaining is how severely it is torn, and we won't know that until my MD sticks his scope in there and peeks around. So I won't know until after I wake up on October 11th, t...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Sep 28, 2011, 8:21 am
Ugh! It's been a long week so far. I've been feeling like crap since Saturday night. I thought it was just a bad cold, but now I think it's more likely been the flu. My body has been aching so badly it's kept me awake at night. I had a low-grade fever through yesterday. And my head has been painfull...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Sep 25, 2011, 1:42 pm
I'm supposed to be at work right now. Unfortunately, I spent much of the night awake with a sore throat, headache and body aches. I do believe I am getting sick. I hate being sick. I especially hate being sick one week prior to my next marathon. Hmmm...perhaps God really is trying to tell me somethi...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Sep 22, 2011, 5:47 pm
I finally got around to reading my October Runner's World magazine today. One particular article had been recommended, and so I went there first. The article was about Frank Shorter, the 1972 Olympic gold medalist and 1976 Olympic silver medalist, in the marathon. He is widely known as the initiator...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Sep 20, 2011, 6:05 pm
I'm afraid my body is against me. My right knee has been steadily improving. It has improved so much, in fact, that I was able to run on it today. I did a one mile lap with Puck to warm up, and that went really well. After dropping Puck at home, I set out again. I was just settling into my relaxed p...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Sep 18, 2011, 7:48 pm
It's the end of a long weekend with D. He's on his way home. He left 3 hours ago, so he's probably getting close to home now. I miss him. I feel a little silly saying that, but it's the truth. I miss him. My house feels empty. I think Puck's even a little sad. We're missing part of the pack. &#...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Sep 14, 2011, 9:31 pm
I registered for the 2012 Boston Marathon today. I was worried the race would fill before I got a chance to register, but thankfully, I got in. I can't wait to go back to Boston next April. I've got a bone to pick with that race. It was the toughest and slowest marathon I ran this past year. I'd ...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Sep 10, 2011, 7:15 pm
Things are continuing to go well. I guess I could complain about my knee, which is still bothering me, but complaining is so useless. Besides, I had a great workout today. If I were able to run as I wished, I would have done 20 miles in preparation for my next marathon, which is now 3 weeks away. B...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Sep 6, 2011, 9:05 pm
The long weekend with my friend D went well, although not as swimmingly as in the past. There was a simple reason. D's 30-year-old son joined us at the lake. He's a nice guy, and he likes me, but it made things different. First of all, he's a very intense young man. I'm not used to being around int...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Sep 2, 2011, 7:27 am
I've not got much to report. Things are going well. I noticed a slight dip in my mood early this week, following my DNF over the weekend, but I was able to right myself relatively quickly. I just had to let go of the disappointment and focus on what my reader, Maggie, mentioned in her helpful commen...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Aug 29, 2011, 8:35 pm
As planned, I had the big depression conversation with D this past weekend. In fact, I got it out of the way within a few hours of arriving. We were sitting together on the couch when I came out with it. And you know what? It didn't seem to be a big deal. He seemed to take it in stride. T...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Aug 28, 2011, 11:07 pm
The good news is my left calf did not hurt one bit during Saturday's marathon. It was absolutely fine. The rest, painful massages, Epsom salt ice baths, stretching, and prayers must have worked, for I didn't even feel a twinge of discomfort. Unfortunately, there is bad news as well. Despite the...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Aug 24, 2011, 8:27 am
Sipping my morning cup of coffee, watching SportsCenter, it looks like a beautiful day outside. I'd usually be working out right now, but today is a rest day in advance of my marathon this weekend. So I have a little more time to relax this morning before work. It's nice, I guess, but I'd rather be ...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Aug 21, 2011, 8:36 pm
I had a really good weekend of workouts and relaxation. My calf is still sore. I had a painful deep massage Thursday evening, but I felt better Friday, so I guess the pain was worth it. It feels like my calf is slowly improving. Yesterday I didn't even attempt to run. I swam 1.5 miles in...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Aug 18, 2011, 7:05 pm
I'm only nine days away from my next marathon, and my calf hurts! I'm limping. I thought it was better, so I went for my tempo run this morning. Unfortunately, 3 miles from home my calf began to cramp. I stopped. I stretched. I ran again. It stayed tight, but it didn't get any worse as I made my way...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Aug 16, 2011, 9:25 pm
I spent another weekend away with my new friend, D, at his lake home. We had a great time again. We did pretty much the same stuff as last time. We ate good food, ran together, biked together, saw family--his and mine, went out on the boat, had coffee and conversation, and generally relaxed. It cont...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Aug 12, 2011, 8:21 am
I'm off for another weekend at the lake with D. I'm looking forward to seeing him. I'm looking forward to our long run together tomorrow morning and grilling a great dinner together tomorrow night. I'll see my parents, too, while I'm there. I'm hoping to take them out on the water with us, and mayb...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Aug 9, 2011, 3:43 pm
I stood in front of a church sanctuary full of people Sunday morning and opened my folder. In it I had a journal entry I had written 8 years ago followed by 4 pages summarizing my journey with depression. I took a deep breath, and I began. Nine minutes later I returned silently to my seat, and the s...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Aug 6, 2011, 6:28 pm
I was up early this morning. Today was my last scheduled 20-miler before my marathon, which is only 3 weeks away. I was outside running by 5:00 AM. It was dark and very humid. Puck and I did our typical warm-up loop together before I dropped him at home and went out to complete my own 8 mile loop. B...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Aug 2, 2011, 9:01 pm
I'm recovering from my weekend away. It was so nice to be on a lake in a nice spot with someone I care about. I just wish it wasn't 5.5 hours away. That long drive was exhausting! But it was worth it. Puck and I spent the weekend with my new friend, D., and we had a great time together. The sun shon...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Aug 1, 2011, 9:21 pm
Just a quick note to say hello. I am back home after a long weekend with my new friend, D. We had a great weekend together--a great weekend! But right now I'm too tired to write much more. I'll be back here tomorrow with the full scoop. Until then...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Jul 27, 2011, 9:18 pm
I'm busy packing tonight, as I am leaving tomorrow for a long weekend at the lake. My new friend, D., and I are spending some time together at his lake home. I'll also see my parents and hopefully get in a little fishing. I've been extremely busy at work. I've worked the last three days ...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Jul 24, 2011, 5:23 pm
I've had a successfully productive weekend. It started at 4:45 AM yesterday morning with my 20 mile long run. As I predicted, it went well. I did hit the wall at mile 19, but until then the hours clicked by relatively quickly. It was a bit steamy outside. I was soaking wet. Even my shoes were soaked...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Jul 21, 2011, 7:48 pm
I detailed the joy of owning a home in my last post. As the outside temps and humidity increased, my air conditioning decreased. Today, my house is slightly cooler, but that's because the Amazonian temperatures and humidity have finally broken. My poor, old air conditioner can now keep up. And that...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Jul 18, 2011, 10:15 am
Minnesota Public Radio announced this morning that our humidity level yesterday was as high or higher than the humidity level in the Amazon Rain Forest. That will continue into today, and tomorrow, and the next day. Combine the humidity with our air temperatures, in the mid 90's, and they say it wil...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Jul 15, 2011, 6:34 pm
I'm not sure what to write about today, as there is nothing special going on right now. Although it has been pouring, and I mean pouring, rain all day. I'm sure there is major flooding going on all around the area. I don't think I've ever seen it rain this hard for this long. We were almost flooded ...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Jul 12, 2011, 10:07 pm
I thought I was healed, or at least healing, but this morning my right calf tied up after only 5 blocks of running. Bummer. I was supposed to do a speed workout of 12 by 400 meters, but instead I headed to the pool and swam 12 by 75 yards. The pool was frigid for some reason, so the workout was a bi...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Jul 10, 2011, 12:21 am
I can't sleep. I'm awake with worry. Specifically, I'm worried about disclosing the fact that I have depression to my new male friend, D. When exactly is the best time to tell someone that you have depression? Even though I've been relatively stable for more than six years, with the damn exception o...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Jul 7, 2011, 7:27 pm
A full seven days prior to when I expected to, I was able to run painfree today! I got a new pair of shoes, donned the compression sleeve over my calf, and set out for a run at noon. I ran 8 miles, including six miles at my marathon pace, without pain. I'm really happy! We'll see how I feel tomorrow...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Jul 5, 2011, 11:04 am
I've been on vacation over the long Fourth of July weekend. I'm back up in the Northwoods of Wisconsin visiting my parents and my new friend, D. The weather has been as gorgeous as the weather could possibly be. I've been boating, waterskiing, biking, grilling out, and watching parades. I've spent...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Jun 30, 2011, 8:07 pm
What a bummer. I went for my 8 mile tempo run at 6:00 AM this morning. I was back home by 6:15. Three blocks from my house, when my right foot hit the ground, my right soleus muscle (lower calf) cramped and then pulled. Actually, it felt like it tore, but I'm trying to remain optimistic. I stopped i...
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etta e. posted an article on Depression Marathon - Jun 28, 2011, 10:45 pm
I worked a few extra hours today, and things are getting better there. I'm feeling a little more comfortable, but my confidence is still lacking. I don't like that, but I'm hoping it gets better as time goes on as well. I don't usually work on Tuesday, my speed work day, so I had to get ...
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