Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jan 31, 2012, 3:44 am
Hey bros, this is my new jam*: I came upon this gem through the amazingly bizarre/wonderful/inexplicable/super-French film (available on Netflix instant!) Rubber. This film is obviously about a rage-filled but uncommunicative telekinetic car tire in the American Southwest. Also, people who are meta...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jan 25, 2012, 8:36 pm
Hey, does not trying to find a job for a couple more years sounds good?(1) Have you always enjoyed school?(2) Do people tell you that you're "smart"?(3) Do you qualify for massive federal loans?(4) If you answered yes to any of these questions, you're a prime target for these schemers: I will say t...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jan 24, 2012, 8:46 pm
I went to the liquor store and I'm avoiding homework. Let's watch old dudes in suits stand up and clap while their peers sit and sneer. State of the Union live-blogging
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jan 23, 2012, 10:22 pm
Listen, you guys know I love me some Ben. Or at least, I did. Anyway, all the stereotypical lady/catty fighting is out of control on this show, and I'm almost not sad that I miss the first half or more of the show while I'm in my night class. But I still care? But anyway: Courtney. She is the worst....
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jan 10, 2012, 9:52 pm
Oh hey guys, it's been some time since I took the easy way out by making fun of one of America's worst cartoons. These Pluggers panels from the past couple of months revisit some of our favorite reader-supplied themes of depravity, hypocrisy, and hopelessness. In the form of cheerful, anti-intellect...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jan 2, 2012, 10:17 pm
You guys, it's 2012 now. When I was a little Mormon girl I totally thought that the Second Coming would happen before I ever got this old. I'm pretty pleased about still being alive and not believing in that silly stuff anymore. This year, I am going to commit to following my dreams. My dreams invol...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Dec 26, 2011, 7:57 pm
This would have been a way more compelling love story. When I was 14, I wanted to be different, so I deliberately did not see Titanic. Isaac talked me into watching it finally, but I requested that my sister be there. So I borrowed a copy and brought it home with me to watch with family and friends...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Dec 21, 2011, 3:52 am
What I think our society is really lacking is discussion of people's physical attractiveness. Several weeks ago now, I impulsively purchased this year's Sexiest Man Alive issue of People and was annoyed to see Bradley Cooper staring at me. Don't get me wrong, I thought he was cute when he was Sydney...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Dec 12, 2011, 6:23 pm
My queer little followers, I, the Sexy Gay Jesus, have once again been reading Dear Abby. While the Abbster's advice is largely inoffensive, there are things she will not say that the poor letter-writers really need to hear. I will now share some of my favorite recent submissions and answer them my...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Dec 10, 2011, 2:26 am
Not the Sexy Gay Jesus, but a Pretty Likable Jesus. Jesus Responds to Rick Perry's "Strong" Ad from DC Pierson      This one's pretty good too, less Jesus, more gay: Also, Cats in Hoodies exists. If neither of those videos offended you, look it what I did with my best friend MS Paint:
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Dec 9, 2011, 6:25 pm
I know all .2 of you who aren't my Facebook friends and therefore don't get to see my constant finals/procrastination whine-a-thon are like, "What is Lauren doing since she released her last awesome video? Also, remember when she used to actually write posts?" I am not sure who you are talking to. E...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Nov 17, 2011, 9:04 pm
Yeah, I've had this blog for awhile. Also, I finally managed to edit our French-toasted tuna sandwich adventure down to 10 minutes. Huzzah for ridiculous recipes from the I Love America Diet!
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Nov 17, 2011, 5:22 pm
My Loving Worshipers, Sexy Gay Jesus here. It's been a while since I've written, I know. It seems nobody needs my advice anymore, so I've been hanging out with the Occupy crowd in New York, inspiring people, protesting greed, helping heal the sick and trench-footed, and circle-drumming: I'm the guy...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Nov 17, 2011, 2:13 am
At least one guy I kind of know got totally police-brutalized in New York the other night while I fascinatedly watched eviction live feeds from under a cozy quilt on my couch and avoided doing my homework. I thought I should head down to Occupy BG the next day to show solidarity, but the next day wa...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Oct 29, 2011, 8:57 pm
Oh, hey guys. I've heard some rumors that some political things are happening in this country right now. I have heard that regular people dirty, jobless hippies who hate America have been taking to the streets to express their displeasure with the economic crisis and how the federal government spend...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Oct 27, 2011, 3:29 pm
Guys, have you been looking for that perfect snack to serve your friends that will impress them and also fill them with cheese, patriotism, and federal dietary standards? Phyllis Ann George has come through for you, then! Brock and I made the Beef and Cheese Log. It is as ridiculous as it sounds:
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Oct 7, 2011, 1:11 am
Remember our friend the Sexy Gay Jesus? This is the latest thing he endorses: The play-within-the-movie also features ... a while, but if you have any queries about life, the universe, or whatever, the Sexy Gay Jesus is still open for advice-giving. Email me your questions (lauren dot ... com)...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Oct 6, 2011, 1:32 am
This weekend my buddy Brock came over and worked on some I Love America Diet stuff. By finishing the birthday Kraken and taking one costumed late-night trip to Wal-Mart for supplies, we were able to produce enough material for two videos. This first lays out some basic elements of the diet and tells...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Sep 29, 2011, 3:51 pm
Kids, I know I am a remiss blogger what with my "real life" and "laziness" and this week "illness" getting in my way, but there is no excuse for how long it has been since I mocked America's laziest comic: Pluggers. I hope to make it up to all of you by countering its salt-of-the-earth sincerity wit...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Sep 29, 2011, 3:26 am
... and the infamous McCarthy were totes buddies. Nixon criticized Truman's Korean War policies. Then, in a sudden promotion, Nixon was chosen as Eisenhower's running ... to spoil this election anyway, and Nixon won. FINALLY. As president, Ricardo Nixono ... After a short but serious illness, ...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Sep 28, 2011, 9:15 pm
As per usual, Svutlana uses her adorably eccentric idiomatic English to give great sex advice: At best you tolerate each other sexual tastes and if be in moods pretend for like, but easy listen will always feel unnatural for you and you will never be able for orgasm for Josh Groban. Profuse ap...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Sep 17, 2011, 12:55 am
Oh hi America, Sorry I haven't written in so long. The thing is, I've been busy solving your goddamn obesity crisis. You're welcome:
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Sep 1, 2011, 5:40 pm
Friends, I am in my office hours right now. I am required to sit in my office for a number of hours each week so I am available to students. Even if my students knew where the building where my office is, they would not come. No, they only come if they have to make up a quiz or talk to me about a pa...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Aug 28, 2011, 10:01 pm
Ten years later, George W. Bush tells the Nat Geo channel about his "personal" 9/11 story. His face still makes me want to punch something. Mostly his face. GWB tells us about his 9/11 morning run in Florida. His Secret Service wear little running shorts, and he's got knee-length shorts of some kin...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Aug 26, 2011, 3:36 am
Me: Whoa, that's my syllabus? It looks so professional! Voice of reason: You copied and pasted most of that shit from other people's syllabi. Me: Oh yeah. Other people are so good at being professional.
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Aug 25, 2011, 3:52 am
Listen people who still sometimes check this blog (sister, old roommate, friend from high school), I know I've been neglecting you. I know you need my magical comedic stylings to help you get through your days sitting in a cubicle or teaching the world about history or helping kids learn how to talk...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Aug 19, 2011, 6:00 pm
Unfortunately, this drink did not actually make me want to put on a leather bikini thing.I need to be working on my syllabus, and I'm like, "I don't want to." So perhaps a little bit of caffeinated motivation would help. I KNOW my last post was like two weeks ago and another energy drink review, but...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Aug 5, 2011, 4:46 pm
"Stop calling me soda pop!"Friends, you may have guessed if I am doing an energy drink review that I am supposed to be doing something else. Correct you are! I have like 01897356789 papers and final exams to grade in the next several days, so I am sitting in my over-air conditioned office and gettin...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Aug 1, 2011, 8:00 pm
Will it be everybody's favorite Dax Shepard lookalike? Slap a fedora on the one on the right, and you've got twins! Or everybody's favorite one-time Kirk Cameron lookalike? Oh, it's not "fair" to make fun of 13 year-old J.P. WHATEVER.So exciting! Fijian finale is going to rock so hard. She calls Be...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jul 28, 2011, 5:27 pm
Young Cleves: dapper.America's 22nd and 24th president Stephen Grover Cleveland was born the fifth of nine children to a Presbyterian minister and his wife in New Jersey in 1837. He never went as Stephen as an adult because Sesame Street didn't exist back then, so he couldn't be teased as Super Grov...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jul 28, 2011, 2:55 pm
The Most Hilariously Effective Signs Supporting Gay Marriage: I mean SRSLY. Think about it.
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jul 28, 2011, 4:20 am
I love that Summer's Eve never mentions that every doctor ever recommends that you NEVER EVER use their products. The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30cVaginal Puppeteering vs. D**k Scrubwww.colbertnation.comColbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical Humor & Satire BlogVideo Archive
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jul 25, 2011, 7:59 pm
Who will Ashley spend the night with? Will J.P. be filled with jealous rage? How long until Ashley realizes she's not that into Constantine? Will she do the right thing and just choose Dax/Ben and send everybody home early? We'll have to watch and see! What bastard is the show bringing back this epi...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jul 18, 2011, 8:01 pm
Hometown visits this week! Ashley says "Ben is a real guy." I'm glad he's not a robot. Constantine is the "total package." Insert penis joke. INSERT, GET IT?! Ames still looks dumb but still comes off as endearing. She also keeps calling him "unique." She feels like J.P. is really accepting of her....
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jul 16, 2011, 9:35 pm
I am filled with ennui and laziness. I have work I could do, I could go on a booze run, I could watch a movie or go somewhere, but I just want to complain instead. But anyway, Pluggers are still terrible. Let us count some of the ways: 1. Pluggers prefer a disgusting frozen meal instead of "sexy" do...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jul 15, 2011, 7:58 pm
Dear Sexy Gay Jesus, Look, I know that You never went through this particular bit of ritualizing on account of You were really busy healing the sick, curing the lame, cleansing the temple, and being patiently (but, you know, maybe not without second thoughts, which is totally cool, no worries) cruci...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jul 15, 2011, 5:58 pm
My can looks like this. It's probably like 3 years old.This is another weird Big! Lots!! off-brand energy drink. I'm pretty sure I've had some kind of "SLAP" before, but this one has lots of words on its can and is a flavor ("frost"?) I don't think I've tried. The can says "Energy 9.0" and "Multi-St...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jul 11, 2011, 9:18 pm
Sexy Gay Jesus here. I did some cursory googling and found some more connections between myself and Our Lady of the Meat Dress. There's been some sweet fan art. See below: "God Makes No Mistakes" by Thomas Clark sets up a slightly more intimate relationship between us than really exists, but I can g...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jul 11, 2011, 7:58 pm
How will the bros deal with the aftermath of Ashley's "closure"? Will Ashley stop being so damn insecure? What ridiculous outfits will she wear? How many different types of Orientalism will be on display? STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT. I'm not sure why Lucas and Ryan are both lame, get rid of them. Everyb...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jul 11, 2011, 7:50 pm
Friends! I have broken down and bought one of these hangover energy drinks that are so trendy right now. The Monster people have some bullshit tea-based ones floating around, but I think tea tastes like watered-down hamster food most of the time, so I refuse to try one. Anyway, at my local booze (bu...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jul 10, 2011, 11:24 pm
Dear Sexy Gay Jesus, Jesu babe, I have to ask: what are your thoughts on Our Lady of the Gaga?* Bangin music. You surely cannot argue with that. Great story right? Bootstraps. No. Yes? Affirming message. Totally awesome, love that. And she's a total stoner, so there's that. Do you think her l...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jul 2, 2011, 6:46 pm
Hello friends, I have been meaning to blog more. The SGJ has a question to answer, I've been planning another presidential post, etc. But let's talk about the truth, people: I am lazy. I'm also kind of busy. I am teaching an online class and trying to avoid having a nervous breakdown by doing thing...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jun 28, 2011, 10:45 pm
I had some bullshit responsibilities to take care of yesterday and only caught the end of "The Bachelorette" last night. So now I'm watching online and snarking the episode its entirety for all 3 or 4 of you who love reading these. The gang is in Hong Kong and Ashley is talking nonsense about Bentl...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jun 21, 2011, 1:45 am
I know it's late at night. I know I'm wearing shorts (it's summer). I know I'm alone and on foot. SHUT THE FUCK UP. Don't stare. Don't yell. Don't invite me up to your bro-den to have drinks. Don't ask me to turn around and give you the ass view. Don't drive by slowly and gawk. I just want to leave ...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jun 20, 2011, 7:57 pm
The crazy dramz on the previews from last week better live up to the hype! The bros have arrived at Cheng-Mai at some fancy hotel. Ashley is wearing a shirt as a dress. Literally. I guess short, hot people can get away with that. A two-man date is coming up and the guy without the rose will have to...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jun 15, 2011, 1:11 am
The Sexy Gay Jesus and I don't care about awards shows, but we do both endorse the things happening here: WTF, Brooke Shields? Maybe all those eye color-altering drugs you've been putting on your eyelashes have made them too thick to see the cue cards.
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jun 14, 2011, 4:34 pm
Dear Sexy Gay Jesus, First off, HUGE fan of your work. The whole water into wine thing? Well played, SGJ. You have the whole classy with character thing going on and I like it. Something not so classy happened in my apartment last week. No, no sexual deviance- just a missing ipod. I went out o...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jun 13, 2011, 7:59 pm
Let the post-Bentley magic happen! Chris Harrison is telling the "fellas" that they're off to Thailand for a "fresh start." There was tragically little West last week, I'm hoping for some more of his face. Ashley is pining after douchey Lexus or whatever his name was. They're staging a scene where...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jun 13, 2011, 5:49 pm
Sady Doyle poked her head back in at Tiger Beatdown recently to contemplate the horror that is the fact that that Human Centipede movie that everyone said was gross and horrible is getting a sequel. But this time with more raping! A prime quotation on why sexual assault as just another horror trope ...
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Lauren C. posted an article on Blonder and Thinnerrrr - Jun 9, 2011, 1:52 am
First, the first episode of The Bachelorette, Ashley was wearing this sparkly white-person-nude-colored mermaid dress. She is kind of orange, so the dress color is a little too close to her skin and not quite working for her. This is not to mention the fact that she's both muscular and petite, where...
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