Loose C.

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I just looked for my wallet in the freezer

Loose C. posted an article on - Nov 24, 2009, 4:33 pm
buf·foon (b-fn) n. 1. A clown; a jester: a court buffoon. 2. A person given to clowning and joking. 3. A ludicrous or bumbling person; a fool. The above is Webster’s definition of a buffoon...
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It Seems You've Won Again, Oprah.

Loose C. posted an article on - Nov 21, 2009, 1:58 am
Oprah wanted to fix us, sort of the way you'd treat cockroaches if you felt the need to train them to accept your power.
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Nicolas Cage: Bankrupt dinosaur skull collector and leader of the "Are You F–ing Kidding Me?" revolution

Loose C. posted an article on - Nov 19, 2009, 11:23 am
Recently, I have found myself increasingly entranced within a recurring daydream.  In this magical land, I am not merely the brilliant, ruggedly handsome and world-renowned Captain Boondoggle but...
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Jon and Kate – Piles of Hate

Loose C. posted an article on - Nov 18, 2009, 6:18 am
A great Jedi Knight once said: “Who is the bigger fool, the fool or the fool who follows him?” Well I believe I may have the answer to that question and I have yet to make my own lightsaber. I ref...
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Local man teabagged by massive swinging truck balls

Loose C. posted an article on - Nov 16, 2009, 8:05 pm
Hi there, how are you? Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you; I’ve just been driving behind you for the last four or five miles. My, what an preposterously large truck; what is that, a Dodge...
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A man named Danny Spam is RUFKM's biggest fan

Loose C. posted an article on - Nov 12, 2009, 3:54 pm
At RUFKM we get several comments a day from our biggest fan. We have determined that it is not spam, but one crazy loon that we have dubbed “Danny Spam.” We don’t know much about...
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13 Deep Thoughts about V – The original mini-series

Loose C. posted an article on - Nov 5, 2009, 2:27 pm
Here is a new post from a new contributer named JackfnBurton.   Yes, this is our second post about “V” in the last day.  Yes, we are obsessed.  No we do not all live in our parent̵...
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Always wash your hands before handling meat

Loose C. posted an article on - Nov 4, 2009, 9:29 pm
Here’s the Sauced Dwarf’s second spectacular contribution to RUFKM.  Fun Fact:  Both tales have involved his balls and some of the funniest analogies we’ve ever read.   Enjoy! ....
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Battlestar Gallactica fan shockingly enjoys new V reboot

Loose C. posted an article on - Nov 4, 2009, 10:57 am
The new reboot of the 1983 mini-series (and subsequent failed weekly series) V has been fraught with problems in development. Show runners have left, scripts have been tossed, it has gone on...
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Local man lobbies for all dog pills to be purple, glow in the dark

Loose C. posted an article on - Nov 4, 2009, 10:11 am
There are a few phrases that my wife says that makes me want to run for the hills: ” Let’s watch the Notebook together.” ” A friend of mine has a great new multilevel business....
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The Strain : Cannonball Read – Review #1

Loose C. posted an article on - Nov 3, 2009, 12:16 pm
TylerDFC is trying to read 52 books in 52 weeks.  It’s for the Second Running of the Cannonball Read contest from the movie review website/community known as Pajiba. There is no prize except...
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Women have insane questions. We have obnoxious answers.

Loose C. posted an article on - Oct 28, 2009, 11:42 am
I had a conversation yesterday with Boondoggle that revolved around the ridiculous questions that our wives ask.  You know, the nonsensical “deep thoughts” that make any man’s head...
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Pearl Jam – Backspacer: 35 minutes of ear pleasure

Loose C. posted an article on - Oct 22, 2009, 11:40 am
It is not common for bands to release one of their best albums almost 20 years into their career but Pearl Jam has just done that with Backspacer.  This is the point when bands release songs that...
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Transformers 2: A Two Hour Boredom Explosion

Loose C. posted an article on - Oct 20, 2009, 10:33 am
Here’s a 90 second review of Tranformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen that comes out on DVD today from TylerDFC.  Fun Fact:  One of the bonus features reveals that Optimus Prime is a CGI recreatio...
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90 Second Music Review: Vains of Jenna – The Art of Telling Lies

Loose C. posted an article on - Oct 15, 2009, 10:14 am
Lately, the RUFKM headquarters has been besieged with CDs and propaganda from bands big and small.   This inspired us to start a new series called “90 Second Music Review” to highlig...
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Trick 'r Treat – Best F–ing horror movie of the year

Loose C. posted an article on - Oct 13, 2009, 12:42 pm
One thing that has become abundantly clear this year is that Hollywood has no idea what to do with horror movies. The box office failure of Jennifer’s Body and Pandorum will just further that...
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Danny Hope's lipsweater responsible for Purdue football's failure

Loose C. posted an article on - Oct 12, 2009, 7:54 am
Since I am in no way able to provide rational, reasonable analysis of Purdue football as my beloved Boilermakers have shit the bed this season, I instead offer a wild hypothesis for how Purdue can...
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13 Stupid Questions with Stevie Rachelle of Metal Sludge, TUFF

Loose C. posted an article on - Oct 10, 2009, 3:19 pm
Halloween is quickly approaching. We will all soon be reminded of all the iconic monsters of our time. Jason, Freddy, Leatherface, and that sketchy little puppet from Saw.  But nothing is more...
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Insipid Comment Lifetime Achievement Award

Loose C. posted an article on - Oct 6, 2009, 10:12 pm
Throughout my entire life, I’ve been relentlessly barraged by all forms of buffoonery. Sometimes to such an extent that I’m convinced I must be paying a cosmic penance for some horrific crime...
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Year of the Ferret (part 1)

Loose C. posted an article on - Oct 5, 2009, 12:00 am
Enjoy the first of a 3 part RUFKM Classic.  The finale, Part 4, is finally being written.  In the meantime, refresh yourself with one of the greatest stories ever told.      Authors Note: ....
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RUFKM stockholder meeting on October 3rd includes juggling monkeys, Manwich, Astroglide

Loose C. posted an article on - Sep 22, 2009, 11:15 am
RUFKM is having a stockholder meeting on Saturday, October 3rd at Purdue University in conjunction with homecoming weekend.  TylerDFC suggested this location and graciously offered to host the event....
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RUFKM Phone Prank: We put a Muther Clucker out of business

Loose C. posted an article on - Sep 20, 2009, 6:34 pm
There are many unsolved mysteries in the world.  One is why companies think that shoving an advertisement into the crevice of my car window will suddenly earn my business.  Another is how these...
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Ryan Mccombs of Drowning Pool – Stupid Video Interview

Loose C. posted an article on - Sep 19, 2009, 11:09 am
Here is a YouTube clip of an interview we did with Ryan Mccombs of Drowning Pool at Crue Fest in W. Palm Beach.   You wouldn’t think that Ryan has a sense of humor since he’s usually...
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Corporate policy requires written approval for repairing company cars that leak gas, catch on fire

Loose C. posted an article on - Sep 19, 2009, 10:25 am
I am a traveling salesman of sorts, working for a company that saw fit to hire me without a lick of experience in the field. Eventually they saw fit to give me a company car. Sidebar:  Since I...
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Crazy Train misses drunken teen napping on track

Loose C. posted an article on - Sep 16, 2009, 6:33 am
We don’t ever do this as this site is “100% original content” but this story was just too spectacular to not post.  This defines an “Are You F–ing Kidding Me?”...
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True Confessions of a KISS-aholic: Sonic Boom album review

Loose C. posted an article on - Sep 14, 2009, 1:22 pm
The mailbox at RUFKM corporate headquarters is flooded weekly with CDs, DVDs, from bands begging to participate in our “13 Stupid Questions” or review their CDs. Some are bands...
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KISS – Sonic Boom Album Review

Loose C. posted an article on - Sep 14, 2009, 4:00 am
Before you read this, read “True Confessions of a KISS-aholic” to understand how the hell the clowns at RUFKM obtained a copy of Sonic Boom and why we are wasting time writing a review....
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John Allen of Charm City Devils- Stupid Video Interview @ Crue Fest 2

Loose C. posted an article on - Sep 9, 2009, 5:07 pm
Here it is. The first RUFKM video production. This is one of two interviews we did at Crue Fest 2.  This clip is with John Allen of Charm City Devils who is one cool, laid back, funny dude.  The...
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The Ten Dollar Punch Out

Loose C. posted an article on - Sep 9, 2009, 12:52 pm
RUFKM would like to introduce the Sauced Dwarf, our newest author.  We’ve known this joker for years and he has more “Are You Fucking Kidding Me?” life experiences then we can...
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First Impressions: The Used – Artwork

Loose C. posted an article on - Sep 7, 2009, 11:45 am
Music reviews are a dime a dozen on the internet. So naturally here at RUFKM we are going to try something a little different. I’m gonna give the album 1 spin, maybe 2, and then write my first.....
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Charm City Devils – Let's Rock n Roll

Loose C. posted an article on - Sep 5, 2009, 11:28 pm
I recently checked my iTunes play count and noticed a rather strange anomaly.  It appears that over the past several months that Charm City Devils (CCDs) has become my most listened to and perhaps...
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Eagle Eye written and directed by stoned third graders

Loose C. posted an article on - Sep 5, 2009, 9:55 pm
(This post is satire and as such consists of a long rambling mess of nonsense and words randomly strung together that is meant to be a stirring tribute to TylerDFC and his obsession of bad movies. As...
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True Blood's "Frenzy" lays an egg. Literally. On Sookie's bed.

Loose C. posted an article on - Sep 1, 2009, 3:55 pm
THIS IS A REVIEW OF THE NEWEST EPISODE OF TRUE BLOOD, ENTITLED “FRENZY”. IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED YET, CONSIDER THIS YOUR SPOILER WARNING. IF YOU DO NOT WATCH THE SHOW YOU WILL HAVE NO IDE...
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Cannon Goes to Europe, Causes International Incident

Loose C. posted an article on - Aug 29, 2009, 10:50 pm
RUFKM, Inc. Chief Executive Clown, Loose Cannon is currently embarking on his first ever trip to Europe without the comfort and protection of adult supervision and his obnoxious Tickle-Me Elmo doll. ...
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13 Stupid Questions with JET

Loose C. posted an article on - Aug 28, 2009, 2:18 pm
Mark Wilson of JET recently sat down with RUFKM.NET to answer some of the stupidest questions in the history of rock journalism.  And by “sitting down with us” we mean that he sent back.....
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JET's new album Shaka Rock – Exclusive Review

Loose C. posted an article on - Aug 23, 2009, 7:47 pm
JET is set to release their new album Shaka Rock on Tuesday, August 25th.  The fine people at 10th Street Entertainment sent us their new CD for an exclusive review while we were harassing thei...
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Boondoggle and the Bees: The Six-Day War

Loose C. posted an article on - Aug 20, 2009, 8:15 am
Bees Suck. They suck even more when you happen to be one of those unfortunate individuals that when you’re stung by one of the little terrorists you blow up like Martin Short in Pure Luck and then.....
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The exciting adventures of Douchebag Parkers

Loose C. posted an article on - Aug 16, 2009, 3:45 pm
There is a man named Douchebag Parkers who lives in South Florida.  He owns several cars (including a dump truck full of illegals) and I saw him everywhere last week from Boca down to Dania Beach.  ...
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13 Stupid Questions with Queensryche

Loose C. posted an article on - Aug 13, 2009, 11:51 am
Shiprocked is a cruise departing in November from Ft. Lauderdale that features Queensryche, Skid Row, Tesla, Ratt and others. Several months ago, as part of our Shiprocked promotion, we got in...
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Target Scam: Yes, I know exactly where that is!

Loose C. posted an article on - Aug 7, 2009, 3:17 pm
I have been going to Target my entire life.  It is a wondrous place full of the same merchandise you could find at Wal-Mart without the smells and/ or risk of standing in line with a family covered....
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RUFKM announces cutting edge ad campaign with major snack food conglomerate

Loose C. posted an article on - Aug 3, 2009, 1:23 pm
It’s a big day at RUFKM Worldwide! We are happy to FINALLY reveal the big news we’ve been keeping under our hat for weeks. Months ago we were approached by a major multi-national snack...
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Not locking bathroom door at work leads to shame, emotional scarring

Loose C. posted an article on - Jul 29, 2009, 2:00 am
I always knock on bathroom doors. I didn't always do this, but I have continued this courteous tradition for almost 10 years. Sometimes people simply forget to lock the door, or the lock is broken...
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Why Girls Need Boys Part 2: Doorknobs, Bathrooms, and MacGyver

Loose C. posted an article on - Jul 25, 2009, 12:00 am
Hey kids!  Make sure you read part one or you will have no idea what’s going on and how Sonnygirl locked herself in the bathroom.  Read PART ONE first.    I’m screwed and my arm and back...
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Why Girls Need Boys: A tale of doorknobs, bathrooms, and Macgyver

Loose C. posted an article on - Jul 24, 2009, 6:01 am
I’m a really handy girl.  Ask anyone.  If you need a DVD player fixed, I’ll do it.  If you want help painting your house, I’m your girl.  If you need to understand why your toilet is running...
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Monkey Business: TylerDFC's Adventures with Skid Row

Loose C. posted an article on - Jul 23, 2009, 7:15 am
Loose Cannon: Over the last month, I’ve been exchanging emails with Rachel Bolan, bassist and co-founder of Skid Row. He and guitarist Snake Sabo are participating in our “13 Stupid...
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