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Jan 26, 2012, 4:40 am
Well - at least that's what 'The Daily Mash' (a satirical online newspaper) is reporting. Their spoof article continues:
MOIRA Stewart, the all-seeing God of Tax, has warned of great suffering for those self-employed workers whose forms displease her.
Powerful divinity Stewart, whose earthly guises ... Comment - Like
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Jan 23, 2012, 6:40 am
A recent episode of the current series of BBC TVs QI focused on the Inland Revenue. Clearly no one had told the researchers or producers that HMRC took over from the Inland Revenue almost 7 years ago (April 2005).
Still, that quibble aside, some of the stories are worth repeating on this blog:
The w... Comment - Like
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Oct 28, 2011, 5:43 am
In the UK we recognise 'HMRC' as standing for Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs - the body created by the merger of Inland Revenue and HM Customs and Excise in 2005.
What else might the letters represent? Â Officially the answers are:
Health Management Research Center (University of Michigan)Â... Comment - Like
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Oct 26, 2011, 5:41 am
Another spoof form from the clever and fun official looking (but fake) website The department of social scrutiny which is promoting a book published by Ian Vince. Comment - Like
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Oct 21, 2011, 4:41 am
From the Times Diary page on Tuesday 18th October.Â
Thanks to Andy Tall for bringing it to my attention.
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Oct 19, 2011, 5:41 am
Original is on the clever and fun official looking (but fake) website promoting a book published by Ian Vince:
 The Department of Social Scrutiny Comment - Like
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Sep 23, 2011, 9:35 am
This sign in the Gents at One Moorgate Place (Chartered Accountants Hall) always amuses me. Â It seems to suggest that the ICAEW is 'bringing you energy efficient hand drying'. Comment - Like
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Sep 21, 2011, 8:17 am
Four tax advisers were bewailing the deterioration in the relationship between the tax authorities and taxpayers.
They thought that they would list the four main causes of the current problems. Their conclusions:
H, M, R and C. Comment - Like
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Aug 24, 2011, 4:13 am
An impressionist, Paul Shanklin, allows us to hear President Obama singing a variation of the Classic Police song Comment - Like
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Aug 17, 2011, 8:06 am
This seems to be a 30 second advert showing the importance of numbers and therefore of Chartered Accountants. Not sure i could see the link though. Can you? Comment - Like
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Aug 12, 2011, 4:10 am
The following is an extract from an old Mython Python sketch about "Hell's Grannies":
Voice Over: Favourite targets for the old ladies are telephone kiosks.
Film of grannies carrying off a telephone kiosk; then painting slogans on a wall.
Policeman (coming up to them): Well come on... Comment - Like
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Aug 8, 2011, 5:37 am
We recently complained to HMRC about a repayment they were taking months to process.
We received a reply from one of their Complaints people saying that due to the volume of complaints they were dealing with, they would not be able to deal with our complaint for at least 35 days.
Needless to say, we... Comment - Like
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Aug 5, 2011, 4:51 am
Years ago, I lived literally a block down the road from the local VAT office. I got some quotes for a new driveway, and the best price by far was from a well-known local firm who gave me a double discount: one for paying cash (nudge nudge, wink wink, mind the Vat, know what I mean guv'nor), and one... Comment - Like
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Aug 2, 2011, 5:45 am
Award-winning comedian and management accountant Tom Goodliffe spent years in a job he didn’t like, to buy things he didn’t need to impress friends he didn’t have.
Rapidly approaching 30, he had spent the last few years thinking too much and living too little. Now, Tom Goodliffe, star of the P... Comment - Like
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Aug 1, 2011, 6:08 am
"The problem with maths on TV is the same as the problem with maths off TV. It's boring. Maths is the reason we have accountants, who in turn, are difficult and boring."I hope this blog goes some small way to evidence that such stereotyping is unfair.
From AA Gill's television column in the Sunday T... Comment - Like
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Jul 27, 2011, 4:29 am
Andy Atkins is an elderly accountant operating from offices above a shop in a small town. One day he received a letter from HMRC, stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the National Minimum Wage and they would send an inspector to interview them. On the appointed day, the inspec... Comment - Like
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Jul 26, 2011, 4:59 am
Internal Control Weaknesses by Kermit FraudAuthorisation Limits by Mustapha SiggnatjeurHow Not To Panic At Year End by Wendy Orditors-CummingCash Control for Dummies by Hans IntilsRough Guide to Accounting by Major Control-WeaknessDouble Entry Delights by General LedgersFinancial Planning for Beginn... Comment - Like
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Jul 25, 2011, 4:22 am
At Art in Action I started chatting with Bruce Aitken who makes amazing and stylish wooden clocks.
It transpired he used to be a design and technology (DT) teacher. I admitted that I had failed DT at school but explained I did get a CSE grade 1 in Woodwork. "I went on to qualify as an accountant" I... Comment - Like
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Jul 21, 2011, 5:47 am
Not just a parody though. This is also a neat way that one firm highlighted the cross-selling opportunities available to staff. I just wish they hadn't made the tax guy out to be the boring one! Comment - Like
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Jul 13, 2011, 4:44 am
This is the first of a five part series. You can find the rest on YouTube if you care.. Comment - Like
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Jul 8, 2011, 8:50 am
One - It all looks so easy
One firm took a 15 year old girl from the local secondary school on work experience for a week a couple of weeks ago (the daughter of a client).
Yesterday, the client phoned them and told them they were leaving. Asked if they were going to a different accountant they said ... Comment - Like
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Jul 6, 2011, 8:41 am
This wonderful sketch dates back to 1968. Have attitudes changed much in the meantime? Comment - Like
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Jul 1, 2011, 5:42 am
Had a wicked thought last night. Think it belongs on this blog as it made me smile!
HMRC have said that they intend to run a pilot exercise to collate Real Time Information from volunteer employers in April 2012. Mandatory use of RTI for large employers will start from April 2013.
How about HMRC its... Comment - Like
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Jun 24, 2011, 5:10 am
Three marketers and three accountants are travelling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three marketers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answ... Comment - Like
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Jun 22, 2011, 5:31 am
For years accountants have blamed an infamous Monty Python Sketch for suggesting accountants are boring. It seems The Two Ronnies were at it too.... Comment - Like
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Jun 15, 2011, 6:13 am
Mercia is one of the UK’s largest providers of training and support services to the accountancy profession. John Welsford, who was MD until June 2007 joined the company as its sole employee in 1982.
At the recent Mercia Partners' conference John was asked how he started Mercia. He explained that... Comment - Like
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Jun 13, 2011, 5:12 am
Staff in accountancy firms aspire to be partners. One of the attractions is the ability to only work part days and to be your own boss. After all, you get to choose which 12 hours a day to work.
David Oliver, Insight Marketing, at Mercia Partners’ Conference. Comment - Like
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Jun 7, 2011, 12:54 pm
(This cartoon first appeared in Taking Stock on AccountancyAge.com on 3 June 2011 under the heading: Colin: a tricky financial question) Comment - Like
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Jun 6, 2011, 5:44 am
I'm told that a Revenue official who wishes to remain anonymous has identified two key changes that would simplify our PAYE system and avoid most problems:Stop anyone from having more than one job at a time; andOnly allow people to change jobs at midnight on 5 April each year.No - I don't think they... Comment - Like
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Jun 3, 2011, 5:01 am
The Scottish Institute of Chartered Accountants (ICAS) produce a computer-based audit training teaching resource. For reasons I cannot imagine it goes by the acronym SCAM.It's accessible from the website www.scam-plc.co.uk (from where I have copied this image).
An example of Scottish Chartered Accou... Comment - Like
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May 31, 2011, 4:42 am
If you'd like to see some top tax names camping it up in the name of charity you'll enjoy this video produced in support of TaxAid. It stars Tax Barristers Penny Hamilton and Michael Flesch QC alongside Chris Tailby CBE, Robert Maas and Peter Wyman. Did I miss anyone?
It starts as a cowboy parody ... Comment - Like
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Apr 28, 2011, 4:46 am
1 - Cost of hiring an arsonist – NO
A man with a failing furniture business decided to hire someone to burn it down. The store-owner's plan was not only to collect the $500,000 insurance money, but also to deduct the $10,000 expenses of hiring the arsonist! Not a smart man.
2 - Fake Boobs - YES
A ... Comment - Like
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Apr 27, 2011, 4:09 am
Legumaticians seems to be a made up word that acts as a clever synonym for 'bean counter'. What's the origin of that phrase which is commonly used as a derogatory term for an accountant?
The most obvious answer might be a reference to those who counted the beads (or beans) on an abacus. However this... Comment - Like
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Apr 7, 2011, 4:33 am
In a post on AccountingWeb, Accountant Richard Joseph claims to have the original scripts for the Motown version of an accountants' musical which was was mooted in the seventies, and the lead song turned out to be a big hit for Marvin Gaye, - "I Audit Through the Grapevine".
Richard continues: Bu... Comment - Like
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Apr 6, 2011, 4:51 am
"What Mae West said about sex is true about taxes. All tax cuts are good tax cuts; even bad tax cuts are good tax cuts."
-- Grover Norquist
"There's nothing wrong with the younger generation that becoming taxpayers won't cure."
-- Dan Bennett Comment - Like
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Apr 5, 2011, 4:18 am
"Doctor, doctor, I've taken the medicine you prescribed but it's not working. What should I do?"
"Try using your calculator."
"How will that help?"
"I'm not sure, but it's something you can count on". Comment - Like
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Apr 4, 2011, 3:50 am
A man knocks on the door of his doctor's surgery and walks in. "Hello, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me. Goodbye." With that he turns around and walks out.
30 seconds later he is back. "Hello again, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me."
The Doctor ... Comment - Like
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Mar 31, 2011, 1:04 pm
Sung by Steve Theaker, tax partner at South Wales accountancy firm UHY Peacheys, to the tune (and using some of the words) of the John Lennon classic: Imagine.
VERY well done. Here's just one of the clever lines: "Imagine no accountancy fees, That's going a bit too far, but here at UHY Peacheys you ... Comment - Like
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Mar 31, 2011, 9:10 am
What disease kills more accountants than any other?- TB.
What do you call an accountant or who can't account?
- An ant.
What do cannibal accountants do at their Office Christmas Dinner?
- Toast their clients.
What do you call a Trial Balance that doesn't balance?
- A late night. Comment - Like
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Mar 30, 2011, 9:10 am
A farmer sends his accounting sheepdog, Spot, off to gather in his 8 sheep.
On returning the farmer is astonished to find he now has 10 animals in his pen and asks the dog to explain.
"Woof! You asked me to round them up, woof", barks Spot. Comment - Like
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Mar 24, 2011, 8:05 am
From Andrew Gimson's sketch in The Telegraph today - re yesterday's Budget.This Budget was not the work of an evil, upper-class sex maniac, but of a prudent, middle-class accountant who has gone through the nation’s books and reached some sober conclusions about what can be done to get us back on ... Comment - Like
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Mar 3, 2011, 4:53 pm
Direct quotes from Michael Jack's Forward in the first report of the Office for Tax Simplification.“To boldly go where no man has gone before” was the proud boast of the crew of Star Trek’s USS Enterprise. I think that this phrase must have been in the Chancellor’s mind when, last July, he s... Comment - Like
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Mar 3, 2011, 6:31 am
'Strong' language warning!
NB: As regular readers of my Tax-Buzz blog will know, I'm no fan of fancy tax schemes, but I do also try to be objective. In this regard I recently wrote a piece: Barclays paid 1% in apples of tax on its pears of profits. In it I debunked the 1% rate that is now referen... Comment - Like
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