Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 26, 2009, 4:00 am
Happy Thanksgiving.  We’re off getting drunk.  Read these instead… Did you know atheists aren’t free?  No, you still don’t know that because it’s bullshit. Did you k...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 25, 2009, 4:00 am
Howl, moon goddess, howl The road’s your slave, the night’s your home Howl, moon goddess, howl Death incarnate in steel and chrome —”Moon Goddess” by Feather Healer ...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 24, 2009, 4:00 am
Biker Maidens on wings of steel Leather valkyries with souls to steal Lords of night are winter’s keepers Bathed in light unseen by sleepers SHE WOLF RIDES! — Feather Healer, the titl...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 23, 2009, 4:00 am
We’re ducking out for a spell here on the week of Thanksgiving in the States, so here’s some of our old stuff that you may have missed or forgotten about.  Therefore it’s new to you...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 22, 2009, 9:30 pm
Um… we forgot to come up with one this week. This was not your Precious Encouragement of the Week.
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 21, 2009, 4:00 am
Tag Larkin has tougher answers to the tough questions facing our nation… (Note: I thought I had posted these before… maybe elsewhere but not here in my digs. Oh well.)
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 20, 2009, 4:00 am
At 8:35, the lights went down in Theater 21 at the Colonial Ultraplex movie theater for the showing of New Moon.  At 8:45, the film inexplicably catches fire and the theater goers are forced to evacu...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 19, 2009, 4:00 am
So Ninja Vicki’s date with Tag Larkin went… well, she did expect him to throw a table at some point, but running out of the restaurant yelling “abort mission!” was highly unexp...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 18, 2009, 4:00 am
Because Ninja Vicki wants to avert a national tragedy of catastrophic proportions, she is attending her scheduled date with Tag Larkin at Codependent’s Brewery and Steak House.  And per Tag Lar...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 17, 2009, 4:00 am
I’m at the bar with Anonymous Doug, going through our fourth pitcher of Wes Anderson Wheat Beer: The beer that makes you stare listlessly and not have any inflection in your voice, like most of...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 16, 2009, 4:00 am
You might remember that Tina the Lesbian has a crush on Samurai Cathy.  You might also remember that Samurai Cathy is dating Mikka.  And you might also remember that Tina the Lesbian got Samurai Cat...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 15, 2009, 11:39 am
“If you find yourself lost in the woods, fuck it, build a house. “Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!” “—Mitch Hedberg This ha...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 14, 2009, 4:00 am
This is why Doug doesn’t work in an office…
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 13, 2009, 4:00 am
Our resident ninja calls this one… “Slim pickings.” Fuck, how much must I compromise so I do not sleep alone tonight? And this one’s entitled “Billy Mays and his Oxi-...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 12, 2009, 4:00 am
As part of the Humorbloggers.com Fight Against Injustice month… Here in my older, less angry years I find suicide to be a senseless act with no redeeming qualities, so I don’t advocate it...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 11, 2009, 4:00 am
It’s Veterans Day in America, which is sort of like Memorial Day without the day off, or the barbeque picnics and getting drunk to Feather Healer.  You put on track four off their Roll of Desti...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 10, 2009, 4:00 am
It used to be a lot of things long ago.  It used to be TV stations actually went off the air at some point in the night.  It used to be you could only buy Feather Healer’s pinnacle album Twe...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 9, 2009, 4:00 am
Disappointment abound this week.  I’m disappointed that Feather Healer’s reunion tour won’t be coming to my area, and Tina the Lesbian’s disappointed in the injustice that g...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 8, 2009, 4:00 am
“The answer is of course, that it would be best to be both loved and feared. But since the two rarely come together, anyone compelled to choose will find greater security in being feared than in bei...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 7, 2009, 4:00 am
I don’t understand what I just watched, but I know my life will never be the same…
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 6, 2009, 4:00 am
This one is called “Things are much cooler when you mishear them.” Abstinence only? Try Absinthe-only sex-ed Trippin’ and learnin’ This one is called “Why I stopped g...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 5, 2009, 4:00 am
So I’m at our fisherman-themed local bar, the Bass-to-Bass with Anonymous Doug, and I’m disappointed that the jukebox doesn’t have any Feather Healer, especially their pinnacle albu...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 4, 2009, 4:00 am
Ninja Vicki has a computer.  Stolen, of course.  She uses it mainly to load up her stolen iPod with Euro-dance (though I’m trying to get her into some Feather Healer; Vicki is big in synthesiz...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 3, 2009, 4:00 am
I was rocking out to some bootleg Feather Healer concert tracks the other day when I came across some sciencey story about the future evolution of women.  Much to my disappointment, there was no men...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 2, 2009, 4:00 am
A friend of ours found this story about a regional manager at a Bath and Body Works allegedly firing an employee because said employee was a pagan.  The money quote from the article was allegedly sai...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 1, 2009, 4:00 am
“It’s not an accident if you enjoy it.” This has been your Precious Encouragement of the Week.  A lot of smack is talked about accidents, but if it wasn’t for accidents a lot...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 31, 2009, 5:00 am
Tag Larkin is the Bat… Halloween… Christmas… whatever.  Tag Larkin has no jurisdiction.
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 30, 2009, 11:50 am
Last Friday of the month again.  Couldn’t find an interesting t-shirt for October, but I do have a pretty big hockey jersey collection… If you remember the Paul Newman movie Slap Shot yo...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 30, 2009, 5:00 am
Upon hearing the footsteps of the murderer coming our way, we hatched a plan to catch said murderer.  Ninja Vicki hides up on the ceiling, Samurai Cathy conceals herself against the wall near the ent...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 29, 2009, 5:00 am
Tag Larkin remains dead at his own Halloween party, but the accusations are still flying about his possible killer.  So far we’ve pointed a finger at Ninja Vicki, Samurai Cathy, Avonia the Wicc...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 28, 2009, 5:00 am
Our investigation of the Halloween murder of  Tag Larkin has taken a turn for the magical as Avonia the Wiccan Pimp has been implicated by a suspicious Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat. “Why would ...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 27, 2009, 5:00 am
We’re still standing around Tag Larkin’s body in the study of Tag Larkin’s secluded mansion that no one else can reach and we can’t leave until morning.  I think this place wa...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 26, 2009, 5:00 am
We were surprised to hear Tag Larkin owned a mansion on a remote island with no workable phones and no cell coverage that is only accessible by ferry from 7am to 7pm.  We were also surprised that he ...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 25, 2009, 5:00 am
“A poet looks at the world the way a man looks at a woman.” —Wallace Stevens “What?  You mean with a raging erection?”  —Anonymous Doug This has been your Preci...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 24, 2009, 5:00 am
Cup Noodles in Japan is very different than the Cup Noodles we get in America. Very different.
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 23, 2009, 7:37 am
This one is called “When Marlie breaks out the laser pointer.” Red dot glides, dances Can’t catch it, but when I do It will be awesome This next one is called “Why we eat w...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 22, 2009, 5:00 am
Regular Renal Readers may recall our rock-solid Halloween costume advice that we’ve given in previous year (women can just be sexy versions of occupations and when in doubt go as a zombie versio...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 21, 2009, 5:00 am
There was a court ruling in Finland recently that said that broadband internet access was a legal right.  I needed to speak to my authority on Finnish matters about this immediately. “Finland...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 20, 2009, 5:00 am
Math is important in understanding how men think.  The secret is knowing what equation your guy is working on in his head at the time.  For example, if you’ve been dating a guy for awhile and...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 19, 2009, 5:00 am
Tina the Lesbian heard the doorbell ring and saw Sean and Lucia Wheatley waiting for her.  Usually she tries pretending she’s not home, sometimes they go away, sometimes they don’t.  But...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 18, 2009, 5:00 am
“As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it. ” —Dick Cavett This has been your Precious Encouragement of the Week.  We don’t make an...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 17, 2009, 5:00 am
Just give Tag Larkin his toast… On second thought… no, don’t give Tag Larkin his toast…
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 16, 2009, 5:00 am
This one is called “Profiling is wrong.” Old lady ablaze Oh, sure. Blame the guy holding The gasoline can. Dave calls this one “Endangered.” I see panda bears fucking tig...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 15, 2009, 5:00 am
Did you know being a ninja is a preexisting condition according to the insurance companies (so is being a cop, being pregnant, or being a victim of domestic violence)?  So Ninja Vicki  can’t ...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 14, 2009, 5:00 am
A sprained ankle has put me out of commission for my Jason Bourne murder classes, leaving me more time to go drinking. “You know, I’ve never seen a foot tattoo that looked good,”  ...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 13, 2009, 5:00 am
Renal Readers may recall a few months ago that Tag Larkin announced his intentions to fight the Moon.  Apparently NASA heard this declaration and decided to beat Tag Larkin to the punch, so to speak....
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 12, 2009, 5:00 am
It’s Columbus Day here in America.  In other places south of America today is Dia de la Raza, or as my loose knowledge of Spanish roughly translates it: “The Day When Spainards Came To Ou...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 11, 2009, 5:00 am
“Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.” —Maya Angelou This has been your Precious Encouragement of the ...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 11, 2009, 5:00 am
We’ve been winning a lot of stuff lately.  Case in point, we got this from I Probably Don’t Like You, a fellow member of the HumorBloggers.com family.  His name makes us question his mot...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 10, 2009, 2:00 pm
Last week we were told late last week by EttaRose that we won her Craption Contest… so let’s put that graphic up. The spice must flow… We hope that our recent luck with the caption...
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