Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 5, 2009, 4:00 am
So I’m at our fisherman-themed local bar, the Bass-to-Bass with Anonymous Doug, and I’m disappointed that the jukebox doesn’t have any Feather Healer, especially their pinnacle albu...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 4, 2009, 4:00 am
Ninja Vicki has a computer.  Stolen, of course.  She uses it mainly to load up her stolen iPod with Euro-dance (though I’m trying to get her into some Feather Healer; Vicki is big in synthesiz...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 3, 2009, 4:00 am
I was rocking out to some bootleg Feather Healer concert tracks the other day when I came across some sciencey story about the future evolution of women.  Much to my disappointment, there was no men...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 2, 2009, 4:00 am
A friend of ours found this story about a regional manager at a Bath and Body Works allegedly firing an employee because said employee was a pagan.  The money quote from the article was allegedly sai...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Nov 1, 2009, 4:00 am
“It’s not an accident if you enjoy it.” This has been your Precious Encouragement of the Week.  A lot of smack is talked about accidents, but if it wasn’t for accidents a lot...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 31, 2009, 5:00 am
Tag Larkin is the Bat… Halloween… Christmas… whatever.  Tag Larkin has no jurisdiction.
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 30, 2009, 11:50 am
Last Friday of the month again.  Couldn’t find an interesting t-shirt for October, but I do have a pretty big hockey jersey collection… If you remember the Paul Newman movie Slap Shot yo...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 30, 2009, 5:00 am
Upon hearing the footsteps of the murderer coming our way, we hatched a plan to catch said murderer.  Ninja Vicki hides up on the ceiling, Samurai Cathy conceals herself against the wall near the ent...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 29, 2009, 5:00 am
Tag Larkin remains dead at his own Halloween party, but the accusations are still flying about his possible killer.  So far we’ve pointed a finger at Ninja Vicki, Samurai Cathy, Avonia the Wicc...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 28, 2009, 5:00 am
Our investigation of the Halloween murder of  Tag Larkin has taken a turn for the magical as Avonia the Wiccan Pimp has been implicated by a suspicious Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat. “Why would ...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 27, 2009, 5:00 am
We’re still standing around Tag Larkin’s body in the study of Tag Larkin’s secluded mansion that no one else can reach and we can’t leave until morning.  I think this place wa...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 26, 2009, 5:00 am
We were surprised to hear Tag Larkin owned a mansion on a remote island with no workable phones and no cell coverage that is only accessible by ferry from 7am to 7pm.  We were also surprised that he ...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 25, 2009, 5:00 am
“A poet looks at the world the way a man looks at a woman.” —Wallace Stevens “What?  You mean with a raging erection?”  —Anonymous Doug This has been your Preci...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 24, 2009, 5:00 am
Cup Noodles in Japan is very different than the Cup Noodles we get in America. Very different.
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 23, 2009, 7:37 am
This one is called “When Marlie breaks out the laser pointer.” Red dot glides, dances Can’t catch it, but when I do It will be awesome This next one is called “Why we eat w...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 22, 2009, 5:00 am
Regular Renal Readers may recall our rock-solid Halloween costume advice that we’ve given in previous year (women can just be sexy versions of occupations and when in doubt go as a zombie versio...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 21, 2009, 5:00 am
There was a court ruling in Finland recently that said that broadband internet access was a legal right.  I needed to speak to my authority on Finnish matters about this immediately. “Finland...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 20, 2009, 5:00 am
Math is important in understanding how men think.  The secret is knowing what equation your guy is working on in his head at the time.  For example, if you’ve been dating a guy for awhile and...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 19, 2009, 5:00 am
Tina the Lesbian heard the doorbell ring and saw Sean and Lucia Wheatley waiting for her.  Usually she tries pretending she’s not home, sometimes they go away, sometimes they don’t.  But...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 18, 2009, 5:00 am
“As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it. ” —Dick Cavett This has been your Precious Encouragement of the Week.  We don’t make an...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 17, 2009, 5:00 am
Just give Tag Larkin his toast… On second thought… no, don’t give Tag Larkin his toast…
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 16, 2009, 5:00 am
This one is called “Profiling is wrong.” Old lady ablaze Oh, sure. Blame the guy holding The gasoline can. Dave calls this one “Endangered.” I see panda bears fucking tig...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 15, 2009, 5:00 am
Did you know being a ninja is a preexisting condition according to the insurance companies (so is being a cop, being pregnant, or being a victim of domestic violence)?  So Ninja Vicki  can’t ...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 14, 2009, 5:00 am
A sprained ankle has put me out of commission for my Jason Bourne murder classes, leaving me more time to go drinking. “You know, I’ve never seen a foot tattoo that looked good,”  ...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 13, 2009, 5:00 am
Renal Readers may recall a few months ago that Tag Larkin announced his intentions to fight the Moon.  Apparently NASA heard this declaration and decided to beat Tag Larkin to the punch, so to speak....
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 12, 2009, 5:00 am
It’s Columbus Day here in America.  In other places south of America today is Dia de la Raza, or as my loose knowledge of Spanish roughly translates it: “The Day When Spainards Came To Ou...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 11, 2009, 5:00 am
“Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.” —Maya Angelou This has been your Precious Encouragement of the ...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 11, 2009, 5:00 am
We’ve been winning a lot of stuff lately.  Case in point, we got this from I Probably Don’t Like You, a fellow member of the HumorBloggers.com family.  His name makes us question his mot...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 10, 2009, 2:00 pm
Last week we were told late last week by EttaRose that we won her Craption Contest… so let’s put that graphic up. The spice must flow… We hope that our recent luck with the caption...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 9, 2009, 5:00 am
This one’s called “The Internet’s Down on a Friday Night.” Can’t get to my porn Only option is the new Chadwicks catalogue. This one’s called “Nothing Hot...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 8, 2009, 5:00 am
Mary Cheney (aka America’s Worst Lesbian according to Tina the Lesbian) is pregnant again.  They don’t say who supplied the sperm.  Maybe they had some left over from the first pregnancy...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 8, 2009, 5:00 am
“You’re younger than me, right?”  Anonymous Doug says. “Yes I am,” I say.  We’re not sure on Anonymous Doug’s exact age, but it’s believed that Anony...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 7, 2009, 5:00 am
Samurai Cathy has settled into her new job as a bouncer down at ClamLappers, our local lesbian bar. But not without a few issues… “We can’t have you chopping off the hands of patron...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 6, 2009, 5:00 am
Our local superhero Crimson Paraplegic is doing surprisingly well in these poor economic times.  And it’s not because she’s doing anything more or different in her superhero life either, ...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 5, 2009, 4:00 am
In a recent poll, it turns out that the worst lovers in the world are from Germany.  Apparently they are “too smelly,” though they don’t specify the smell.  Is it bratwurst?  Beer...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 4, 2009, 5:00 am
“If you want to find out what a writer or a cartoonist really feels, look at his work. That’s enough.” —Shel Silverstein This has been your Precious Encouragement of the Week...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 3, 2009, 10:53 am
Regular Renal Readers know we like awards and graphics, so here’s one we won from Kirsten over at The Soccer Mom Files for her caption contest… Moms dig Renal Failure.  Why is that?
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 3, 2009, 5:00 am
To commemorate the start of the NHL hockey season, we present to you the greatest hockey movie ever made, Slap Shot. We haven’t been able to substantiate the rumors that when Tag Larkin’s...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 2, 2009, 5:00 am
Ninja Vicki has two haikus this week, inspired from a recent singles mixer night at a local bar… Drunk mouthy girl thinks No one will punch her bitch-ass She lies corrected. That you bought...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Oct 1, 2009, 5:00 am
It’s been a while since I’ve hung out at the Bisquotech, our soup-themed dance club in town.  Not that I’ve ever been much for clubs or dancing in general, but sometimes you just go...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Sep 30, 2009, 5:00 am
“Doug, do you ever wake up and feel like a fraud?”  I say with a sigh. “What?  Like a trannie?”  says Anonymous Doug.  “Well, not in the morning. Maybe late at night...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Sep 29, 2009, 5:00 am
I found this story about how the British military in World War II hid maps and escape tools in Monopoly boxes for POW’s in Germany and Italy to use in escaping their prison camps very fascinatin...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Sep 28, 2009, 5:00 am
Renal Failure Trent Lott Posse member Rassles inquired during Tag Larkin’s Haiku Friday how Tag Larkin feels about Yom Kippur.  Well, now that it is Yom Kippur Tag Larkin has an answer for her....
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Sep 27, 2009, 5:00 am
“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool.” —Richard P. Feynman “I pity the fool.”  —Mr. T This has been you...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Sep 26, 2009, 5:00 am
This one’s for Nursemyra and her collection… tacticalcorsets.com
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Sep 25, 2009, 5:00 am
It’s not just a t-shirt, it’s a way of life… I bought this on Spring Break 2001  in Athens, Georgia at a place called Junkman’s Daughter.  Just go there at the end of your s...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Sep 24, 2009, 5:00 am
I’m going to let the first sentence of this news story from Florida speak for itself… “A man who was threatening a Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission officer used a 1...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Sep 23, 2009, 5:00 am
An recent article in the Wall Street Journal posed the following question: What is the point of cheerleading?  The article was mainly about how dangerous cheerleading is and how many injuries occur f...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Sep 22, 2009, 5:00 am
It’s Autumn Equinox so it’s a good time to check in on Avonia the Wiccan Pimp and see what she’s doing for Mabon. “Ugh… don’t remind me,” groans Avonia.  &#...
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Mike B. posted an article on Renal Failure - Sep 21, 2009, 5:00 am
As always, stories in the news about swords get our attention here at Renal Failure.  This one is about a college student who killed a burglar in his house with a samurai sword. “He did kill t...
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