Sinner G.

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Do you have any idea how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass extreme lower back?

Sinner G. posted an article on - Feb 7, 2012, 1:32 pm
The surgical tape finally fell off in the shower today (with minimal tugging from me) and I just wanted to see what type of stitch the doctor used to close me up - I can't help it, I do embroidery, I want to examine his technique. Also, it's a good thing I never got a tramp stamp because the 1/2 sur...
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Not even narcotics can stop the obscure pop culture references

Sinner G. posted an article on - Feb 3, 2012, 1:31 pm
me: didn't my surgeon totally look like the head vampire from "Lost Boys"? him: um... no. me: you didn't think he looked like him? him: um... he looked nothing like Keifer Sutherland me: He wasn't the head vampire, it was the guy who was dating Corey Haim's mom. Geez, get your 80s movie trivia strai...
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Today, the test of when/if I could go home was...

Sinner G. posted an article on - Feb 2, 2012, 9:47 pm
Today, the test of when/if I could go home was whether or not I was capable of walking to the restroom and peeing. A couple of hours after the surgery (and after partaking of my new best friend, Norco), I decided I was up to the task. An adorable nurse named Joy with glasses much cuter than mine sup...
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Things About Which I Am Currently Freaking The Fuck Out

Sinner G. posted an article on - Jan 31, 2012, 5:00 pm
My freaking surgery is Thursday at 7:30AMI have to get to the hospital 2 hours ahead of time*The night before and the morning of the surgery, I'm only allowed to use some specific hospital-provided bodywash and NO lotion or deodorant**The operation is on my lower back which means I'm going to be ass...
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So the worst part of this whole herniated disc thing?*

Sinner G. posted an article on - Jan 26, 2012, 10:03 pm
I use my feet a lot - Other than walking, I use them for pick up stuff, shut the fridge, close the dishwasher - they're like extra hands for me** and now I'm without the use of one extra hand and it sucks. Oh, and I'm also freaking the fuck out about having to have back surgery, which, even though i...
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him: the realtor* emailed and said that she's got a...

Sinner G. posted an article on - Jan 21, 2012, 8:49 pm
him: the realtor* emailed and said that she's got a cold and she can't meet us today me: so I showered and put on underwear for nothing? I'm going back to bed. *on the one hand, real estate is CHEAP right now, I mean, what other time ever would I be able to buy a house in California? On the other ha...
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And where did you get your medical degree?

Sinner G. posted an article on - Jan 21, 2012, 1:32 pm
So yesterday I'm over at my landlord's house troubleshooting something on his computer (because he's barely capable of using the internet) and he asks why I'm limping (because he's immune to social niceties like not asking ultra personal questions) so I tell him it's this herniated disc thing, it's ...
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Sometimes depression is like a Paula Abdul song

Sinner G. posted an article on - Jan 17, 2012, 4:27 pm
no, not quintessentially 80s featuring a skeevy rapping animated cat (not usually, anyway), but 2 steps forward, then 2 steps back
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I wonder if there is a faction of singer/songwriters who...

Sinner G. posted an article on - Jan 17, 2012, 12:33 pm
I wonder if there is a faction of singer/songwriters who aspire only to be featured in emotional blackmail animal rescue commercials and saccharine ads for adult dating websites.
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so... got an inquiry last night from a company whose...

Sinner G. posted an article on - Jan 7, 2012, 11:45 am
so... got an inquiry last night from a company whose name is a combination of the words "GROUP" and COUPON" - they wanted to sell my "quirky" embroidery... I explained twice that that my stuff is handmade (I even went in to excruciating "needle and thread" details) and their stuff is mass-produced a...
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Dear Vicodin

Sinner G. posted an article on - Jan 3, 2012, 4:42 pm
This might seem premature, since we only became acquainted with each other this afternoon (after an unreasonably long wait in an uncomfortable chair at Walgreens), but I think I might be in love with you. You might think this is just because you're directly responsible for my first pain-free moments...
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Everybody does those end-o'-the-year retrospectives, but... whatever - 2011 started...

Sinner G. posted an article on - Jan 1, 2012, 3:50 pm
Everybody does those end-o'-the-year retrospectives, but... whatever - 2011 started out with me losing my dad. Something like that kind of sets the tone for the year, you know? I started out 2012 at Urgent Care, begging for something stronger than the Advil/Tylenol/Aleve* to take the edge off of the...
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 so it was well over a hear ago since I...

Sinner G. posted an article on - Dec 27, 2011, 2:07 pm
 so it was well over a hear ago since I last updated my 100 things (and I'm always looking for ways to procrastinate) so here's the new almost-2012 edition of 100 things 1. I won't carry a purse unless it's big enough to hold my camera 2. I always have my camera with me 3. my favorite comfort food ...
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him: why do we have four pounds of butter in...

Sinner G. posted an article on - Dec 24, 2011, 10:30 pm
him: why do we have four pounds of butter in the refrigerator? me: there's a butter shortage in Norway him: and? me: you never know when something like that could happen here and I don't want to end up having to bake something using margarine! Holidays activate my OCD and I become irrationally afr...
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Dear Neighbors 2 Houses Down,

Sinner G. posted an article on - Dec 24, 2011, 6:43 pm
It's been super duper nice of you guys to share your pounding calliope/mariachi music all day! And it's so nice of y'all to have it so loud that the whole neighborhood can hear it! And while I super duper appreciate being able to feel like like a part of your Christmas Eve celebration, (even with al...
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I seriously can't wait for Christmas

Sinner G. posted an article on - Dec 23, 2011, 9:14 pm
Not for the presents or the treats or any of that usual stuff - I'm mainly looking forward to an end to those commercials where car dealerships and other retail establishments bastardize Christmas carols to include their names or product lines.
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when multi-tasking goes bad

Sinner G. posted an article on - Dec 22, 2011, 9:31 pm
When I tried to bake gingerbread biscotti * and the super smoky jalapeno-flavored bacon I ordered on the internet that always makes the entire house smell like bacon for an entire day at the same time. Now, I'm all for adding bacon flavor to pretty much everything, but... just... no *even if you're ...
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2 things

Sinner G. posted an article on - Dec 13, 2011, 2:14 pm
1) an unexpected "bonus" of this whole... situation - my dad passed away in January so this is our first Christmas without him and I knew it was going to be difficult/crappy/awful, but having my mind occupied by all of this stuff has been amazing for keeping me busy, so... praise Yeezus for that. 2)...
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Since my life has suddenly turned into all-self-promotion-all-the-time, I'll just put this link here

Sinner G. posted an article on - Dec 12, 2011, 1:09 pm
... page for my etsy shop and it contains links to the insane ... need to hire a press agent or a workshop full of elves. ... with this stuff - I don't like the self-promotion, I don't ... music videos/sleeping with Tiger Woods or Charlie Sheen, why can't ... parlay this into something awesom...
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okay, so maybe I need to stop acting like this...

Sinner G. posted an article on - Dec 10, 2011, 5:06 pm
okay, so maybe I need to stop acting like this is a full-time job because I'm doing exactly what I do in an office environment - miraculously find 90 bajillion ways to distract myself from the task at hand. Also, the main way that this is not like a "real" job? I can't pilfer office supplies and rec...
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I'm kind of having this kind of day - basically,...

Sinner G. posted an article on - Dec 9, 2011, 9:11 pm
I'm kind of having this kind of day - basically, I stitched something a couple of months ago and posted it to Tumblr and it got a bunch of "likes" and I was happy because I have a delicate ego and am grateful for any and all validation. A month or so later, it got reposted by someone else and got ...
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Pro-Tip for anyone who could possibly end up ever sharing a bathroom with me

Sinner G. posted an article on - Dec 5, 2011, 12:33 pm
Yes, I always have a dazzling array of shampoos and conditioners. Yes, they are extremely tempting, what with their shiny bottles, intoxicating scents and promises of beautiful tresses. No, I don't expect you to refrain from using them. No, I won't be totally pissed if you use the last of my favori...
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My Mormon Friend: Do you have a nativity set? Me:...

Sinner G. posted an article on - Nov 29, 2011, 12:17 am
My Mormon Friend: Do you have a nativity set? Me: Huh? My Mormon Friend: Do you have a nativity set? I'm setting up a thing at church for Christmas and I'm having people bring in nativity sets for a big display and I don't know if I'm going to get enough from people at church... Me: It's like you're...
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Dear Snotty Community College Girl Who Comments on The Kid's Facebook Too Often For My Liking,

Sinner G. posted an article on - Nov 23, 2011, 12:14 pm
First of all - I know we didn't have Facebook when I was a kid, but 7th grade boys were not on my radar when I was in high school, let alone after that, so it's kind of weird that you have so many Facebook friends in junior high*. Second of all - Even if you're trying to be helpful and mentor-y to T...
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To Paraphrase the Great Philosopher, Kanye West: "We're all judgmental, I'm just the first to admit it"

Sinner G. posted an article on - Nov 21, 2011, 6:29 pm
I have no problem admitting that I am judgmental - judgments, in my opinion, are a saver of time and effort - for instance, if you wear UGG boots, especially with shorts, I know that you and I have nothing in common, so I'm not going to extend the tiniest bit of effort to be friends with you. Same i...
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Yesterday, I started the day with a drive to Los...

Sinner G. posted an article on - Nov 17, 2011, 3:25 pm
Yesterday, I started the day with a drive to Los Angeles at rush hour*. Today, I started the day with a dental appointment and then some quality time at the DMV. I can only assume tomorrow morning will be filled with papercuts and stubbed toes, because... really. (on the plus side, long drives that...
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Fuck Los Angeles Traffic

Sinner G. posted an article on - Nov 11, 2011, 11:26 pm
Had to drive three hours down to LAX to pick up my stepmom who is visiting for a few days and, in spite of having learned to drive on Southern California roads, I just can't with their traffic and the fact that every single person on the road was either talking on a phone (not hands-free), texting o...
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Dear Teachers at The Kid's School,

Sinner G. posted an article on - Nov 2, 2011, 7:50 pm
If you send home a memo in the Comic Sans font, I will absolutely not take it seriously, regardless of the content of said memo. There are literally thousands of fonts that are less awful, you might as well put it in Curlz. Just thought you might want to know! kthxbai
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Dear White-Suited Dude Soliciting Donations Outside of the Dollar Store,

Sinner G. posted an article on - Oct 24, 2011, 6:32 pm
Dude. You're soliciting donations outside the dollar store. I'm assuming that the whole donation-solicitation thing is not an easy gig, especially in this economy, but you're trying to get cash from people who are buying nearly-expired foods and off-brand cosmetics (and, in my case, cheap picture fr...
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How does that even become part of my vocabulary?

Sinner G. posted an article on - Oct 22, 2011, 11:45 am
Scene: in the middle of a discussion, while driving me (pointing at something down the street): come on, that's like 100 meters away! silence The Dude: Meters? The Kid: uh, yeah, thanks, Canada
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Dear Uterus,

Sinner G. posted an article on - Oct 19, 2011, 1:27 am
35 days 27 days 29 days 30 days 26 days 33 days Can we come to an agreement on the menstrual cycle length, please? I know that 28 days is industry standard, and I'm not saying it absolutely has to be 28, but a little consistency would be awesome. Otherwise, I downloaded that Aunt Flow tracker app on...
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my day in photographs

Sinner G. posted an article on - Oct 13, 2011, 9:12 pm
Drive to San Luis Obispo for an appointment *cough* psychiatrist *cough*. Find myself at a stoplight staring at a this random Native American statue raising the roof in the middle of some industrial area. See a flower-festooned No Parking sign, park my car in the parking lot and run over to take a ...
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The More You Know

Sinner G. posted an article on - Oct 11, 2011, 12:22 pm
Apparently, you're supposed to purchase pork belly "with the rind removed". I was not aware of this when I purchased my pork belly and I ended up with pork belly with a rind. Do you know what that rind consists of? They call it a rind like it's the white part of the orange that you don't eat, but it...
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Sometimes I just can't wait until I'm old and can say really inappropriate stuff in public

Sinner G. posted an article on - Oct 10, 2011, 2:07 pm
So I'm at the dog park with my dogs and it's during the day, so I'm the youngest person there by about 20 years. I'm hanging out with these three ladies, all of whom I would guess to be in their 60s*. This cute little spaniel-y dog comes up to me and rolls over so I squat down to pet his belly** and...
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you know what's awesome?

Sinner G. posted an article on - Oct 10, 2011, 1:31 am
Knowing you forgot something as you're leaving the grocery store then getting home and realizing that it was rice noodles which you need for the pho you were planning for dinner and thinking that you're going to have to use freaking Top Ramen in your pho which will be kind of weird and sort of take ...
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Hey University of Sheffield Visitor,

Sinner G. posted an article on - Oct 5, 2011, 10:34 am
pro-tip - I'll update once a day AT THE MOST, so you really don't need to visit 10+ times a day (yesterday, it was 13 times - dude, really????). Or, you know, get an RSS reader, or, you know, send me an email or comment once in a while so I don't start to get weirded out by some weirdo visiting 10+ ...
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Really, Facebook?

Sinner G. posted an article on - Oct 4, 2011, 10:06 pm
Really?
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Dear Person Who (according to my dumb statchecker thing) Checks This Blog Up To 10 Times A Day,

Sinner G. posted an article on - Oct 4, 2011, 1:49 pm
I know I'm super-duper interesting, but... is literally every other website on the internet blocked on your computer? I mean, really. Seriously, most days, weather.com is more interesting (and it's certainly updated more often). Also, if you just set up some kind of RSS reader (personally, I like th...
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No, I most certainly did not spend most of my morning today driving around down in search of pork belly.

Sinner G. posted an article on - Oct 3, 2011, 4:21 pm
And I didn't spend slightly more than $30 (plus shipping) on one of those hideous naked rain oil hanging lamps from the 70s off of eBay yesterday. Okay, maybe I actually did both of those things, but in my defense, the pork belly is going to be made into homemade bacon, which... who even knew you co...
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internal dialogue

Sinner G. posted an article on - Sep 28, 2011, 4:30 pm
8:00 AM the grown-up side of my brain: It's going to be a super hot* day, you should probably get an early start on those errands you need to run the other 90% of my brain: But... couch. And... internet 9:45 AM the grown-up side of my brain: Seriously, you should take a shower and get some shit don...
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I know I'm a mom so I'm supposed to think no one is good enough for my kid

Sinner G. posted an article on - Sep 25, 2011, 10:53 pm
but every time some girl comments on The Kid's Facebook page "your cute", I want to comment either "his WHAT is cute?" or "get the hell off of Facebook and go read a book or learn English, you duck-lipped* troglodyte" *Why the hell is no one under the age of 30 capable of having his or her (okay, mo...
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These are the people in your neighborhood

Sinner G. posted an article on - Sep 22, 2011, 3:31 pm
Remember how the lady from Casa De Christian across the street from me wanted to be BFFs after she kicked out her philandering minister husband? Then remember how her husband moved back in and then she started acting like I didn't exist? Well, apparently the dude got kicked out again and I'm guessin...
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It's a scientific fact that 95% of hats are a mistake.

Sinner G. posted an article on - Sep 18, 2011, 7:38 pm
me: when you get old, if you wear one of those dumb old man hats, I'm never going to go anywhere with you. him: in that case, I'll start wearing one now.
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Dear My Child,

Sinner G. posted an article on - Sep 12, 2011, 10:02 pm
I appreciate that after a summer full of various injuries (sprained ankle in a basketball game, disgustingly bruised finger and various contusions from running into a pole on your bike, bloody scratches and scrapes from falling off of a quad in the middle of the woods), you decided to wait until THE...
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I am a conscientious objector to all the  9/11 celebramemberence...

Sinner G. posted an article on - Sep 11, 2011, 1:52 am
I am a conscientious objector to all the  9/11 celebramemberence stuff for the same reasons I think Valentine's Day is stupid - 1) 99% of the decorations are gratuitous and tacky and 2) it shouldn't be a one specific day thing - it should be something that's acknowledged or remembered every day in ...
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Best email snippets of the week

Sinner G. posted an article on - Sep 10, 2011, 6:07 pm
1) "LEMON ZEST! Bitch!!!!" 2) "Yeah, you're kind of a big deal." 3) "[The Kid] is great, I'm glad you let him come up to this unsupervised house" 4) "Always Muslim Chic." no context is necessary
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Vegans can fuck right off

Sinner G. posted an article on - Sep 8, 2011, 11:50 pm
So, due to my ongoing issues with depression, I've pretty much got zero interest in anything my usual hobbies so I spend most of my days stumbling around the internet, looking at stuff and I found a recipe for a chocolate pie using tofu instead of dairy products and all the reviews were positive, st...
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voiceover guy on tv: download the updated Sons of Anarchy...

Sinner G. posted an article on - Sep 6, 2011, 11:09 pm
voiceover guy on tv: download the updated Sons of Anarchy app from the App Store him: who needs a Sons of Anarchy App? me: I know! I mean, it's one of the best shows on tv, but unless it's got some kind of an index of Charlie Hunnam's nekkid scenes and the ability to watch them in slow motion... wel...
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me: I'm so itchy all over, I'm going to scratch...

Sinner G. posted an article on - Sep 3, 2011, 12:32 am
me: I'm so itchy all over, I'm going to scratch all my skin off him: I thought you took an allergy pill earlier me: I did, but it was one I found in the bottom of my purse... it might not have even been an allergy pill, but I'm pretty sure I spilled a bottle of allergy pills in there when we were in...
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Ambien is weird, it's this teeny little pill, pop it...

Sinner G. posted an article on - Sep 2, 2011, 2:19 am
Ambien is weird, it's this teeny little pill, pop it in your mouth and you won't even feel it going down (unlike my horrible vitamin B supplement I take which expands into the size of a throw pillow once it reaches the back of my throat and then I have to swallow about 14 gallons of water just to ge...
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