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Mar 19, 2011, 3:28 pm
It looks like SMART has an official blog, registered trademark symbol and all. That should be of interest to anyone who's looking for SMART's official position on a particular question or topic. I can't provide that (see disclaimer in sidebar), but they can. I'm just a random guy whose blog entries,... Comment - Like
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Feb 27, 2011, 4:07 pm
[pic] In a recent comment, someone repeated a question that came up in a SMART meeting that he or she had gone to. The same question has come up in many meetings that I've gone to, and probably makes a regular appearance at most SMART meetings. It wears many different words, but it basically boi... Comment - Like
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Jan 29, 2011, 5:21 pm
[pic] A reader recently left a comment asking which Stage of Change I felt myself to be in, or rather, very generously pegged me for a Five or Six. My response was basically an anemic "gee, I don't know... it depends."
But that answer wasn't a complete cop-out. It does depend. Sometimes the thought ... Comment - Like
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Jan 9, 2011, 1:50 pm
[pic] I think it was Horton Hears a Who that featured the small creatures, presumably who's, all shouting, "We are here! We are here!" This would be my who-moment, then. I am here. I am here.
But it's been about four months since I last made that in any way clear. Nothing untoward has been going on.... Comment - Like
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Sep 18, 2010, 4:55 pm
[pic] So I got an e-mail the other day from a friend, asking if I wanted to join him at a wine tasting featuring wines from an Eastern European country not terribly well known for wine. He invited me, in his words, 'to share this mutual passion of ours.'
This was more a plea than an invitation, I th... Comment - Like
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Jul 31, 2010, 12:03 pm
[pic] Sorry for dropping off the face of the world, or at least the world that this blog exists in. Nothing nefarious has been going on. Well, I've been writing a paper for grad school and going mad at work, so I suppose it's been a little nefarious. But the good news is that I've had the break thro... Comment - Like
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Jul 22, 2010, 10:51 am
I have a procrastination problem. At least that's one way of looking at it. The other way is that I'm perfectly on schedule, and the time simply hasn't been right just yet for me to do some serious, several-hours-in-a-row writing. My Muse hasn't spoken to me.
It's not that bad, actually. I have plen... Comment - Like
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Jul 16, 2010, 5:08 am
[pic] But you've got to sing that, like in the Lion King, rather than just say it. Shite sounds better, at least to these American ears, than its e-less variant, but I should still probably apologize for the profanity to my friends across the Pond. (Ooh, consonance!)
Back in November, I wrote a post... Comment - Like
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Jul 15, 2010, 7:46 am
It's time to pack your things, because I just saw an ad for this on the news this morning:
Something seems inherently sexist in this product. I mean, what about men?
I'm too tired to write much of anything today. There have been some great comments this week I wanted to comment on, and I will be go... Comment - Like
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Jul 12, 2010, 8:42 pm
[pic] The weekend has come and gone, and I've had a few days to think things over. The conundrum I was faced with is this: Last week, I wound up at a wine bar for dinner with my partner, my cousin, and his fiancée. It was a hot day, I was in a foul mood, and I was absolutely certain I would drink. ... Comment - Like
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Jul 11, 2010, 7:40 am
[pic] I suppose that in a parallel universe, I could still be in bed, possibly still asleep or more likely awake with a throbbing head ache. Or worse, in the bathroom... But in this universe I've been awake and out of bed, enjoying the quiet morning since about 7am. Quiet because I'm out here in the... Comment - Like
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Jul 10, 2010, 8:26 am
[pic] Yesterday evening, during check-in at the SMART meeting, I mentioned that I had started coming to SMART Recovery "...about a year ago? Nearly a year ago? Maybe a little over a year. In any event, the first time was on July 9th." Everyone in the room laughed and reminded me that it was July 9th... Comment - Like
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Jul 9, 2010, 4:45 pm
[pic] I'm off to a SMART meeting in, oh, about an hour. I'll be doing a check-in there, but since I haven't checked in here in a few days, I thought I'd go through a dress rehearsal.
Things have been... languid. That's really the best word for it. I have definitely felt a general flagging in vigor a... Comment - Like
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Jul 7, 2010, 7:03 am
[pic] My partner and I had planned a dinner with my cousin and his fiancée for months. Because of various work emergencies, trips out of town, and the like, this dinner has been bounced around, and it managed to finally fall on the hottest day of the year so far, yesterday evening. I really don't d... Comment - Like
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Jul 5, 2010, 10:01 am
[pic] The Fourth of July hasn't ever been a big drinking holiday for me. Wait, that doesn't sound quite right. It hasn't ever been more of a drinking holiday. I don't think I've ever established any kind of ritual around Independence Day, meaning, I could be in the city, or at my parents', or on vac... Comment - Like
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Jul 3, 2010, 8:30 am
[pic] As my SMART anniversary of July 9th approaches, one thing is becoming clearer and clearer to me. I suck at counting. Either that or I'm living in a slightly parallel universe in which it takes the Earth 368 days to complete its orbit around the Sun. July 9th should be 365 days. Or maybe it's 3... Comment - Like
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Jun 21, 2010, 3:42 pm
[pic] My last post, Dirty Pictures, triggered a lot of back and forth comments, and raised some questions that I thought were really interesting. I'm not sure if the questions were the result of my not being clear, or of differing angles on what the "recovery process" is or should be. It's entirely ... Comment - Like
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Jun 17, 2010, 3:43 pm
[pic] I used to like the beach when I was a kid. I could stay for hours in the sun, playing in sand, body surfing, getting shell fragments in my bathing suit, and all of that beachy stuff. Nowadays I can only take an hour or two, and then I have to head back to the house, shower the salt off, and pe... Comment - Like
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Jun 17, 2010, 8:32 am
[pic] Well, not new, but a retooled blog. In the writer's own words, it's an "experience blog," and the focus is summed up here:
It will be about my progresses in recovery with the principles of REBT and MI found in SMART Recovery and the progress of it's spread in Switzerland.SMART Recovery in S... Comment - Like
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Jun 16, 2010, 9:11 am
I just learned of CRAFT from Smells Strongly of Alcohol, a blog written from the perspective of a husband coping with an alcoholic wife. I wanted to share the link and a description of CRAFT, in their own words, in case anyone finds it a helpful resource.
The Community Reinforcement Approach and F... Comment - Like
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Jun 15, 2010, 10:20 pm
[pic] My sister asked me yesterday or the day before if I thought it would be a good idea to just have one glass of wine, relax, and sit down to work on my paper. Apparently she thought it was stressing me out, and she may have felt a bit guilty about coming back from the beach and pouring a glass o... Comment - Like
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Jun 13, 2010, 8:48 am
[pic] We cut our drive here in two, not counting the leg of the trip out from the city to my mother's. We drove late Friday night, arriving in a town in Maryland about a third of the way down here at 2:00 am, thanks to not one but two accidents around Philadelphia. (Apparently it isn't always sunny ... Comment - Like
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Jun 10, 2010, 8:57 pm
[pic] I will be leaving for a week-long vacation tomorrow. I won't disclose the location, but it is an island, on the eastern seaboard, although not the same island of my first fall from grace. (And trust me, that island has seen far more interesting falls from grace than mine!) This will be a diffe... Comment - Like
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Jun 9, 2010, 7:22 am
[pic] Last night I had dinner with an old friend and her new (to me, at least) boyfriend. I hadn't seen the friend in, well, something in the neighborhood of 75 or so days. Our last dinner was one of my last lapses, to the tune of a good bottle of wine, so I know it was longer, but not much longer, ... Comment - Like
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Jun 6, 2010, 10:34 am
[pic (c) 2007 Craig K. Marble] I've been working on a post this weekend, but so far it's proven to be too ambitious a project, and I'm not quite sure where I want it to go. The thesis statement is a half-joking assertion that I'm happy I developed a drinking problem. The more serious assertion is th... Comment - Like
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Jun 3, 2010, 1:20 pm
[pic] I haven't been dealing with many cravings lately, either of the nicotine or the alcohol sort. I'm not sure if I've ever actually had a physical craving for alcohol, but I've certainly had urges and temptations triggered by things I associate with drinking. Nicotine, on the other hand, has deli... Comment - Like
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Jun 2, 2010, 10:33 pm
[pic] I got in not too long ago, after visiting some friends on the Upper East Side for dinner on their terrace. It was a hot and humid day, and the subway ride up there was as pleasant as could be expected. The platforms haven't reached their summertime high yet, so we might still be in the Cir... Comment - Like
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Jun 1, 2010, 7:00 pm
[pic Counting the Days (c) 2007 Thomas Voelker] I may have mentioned once or twice or nine hundred times that I like to keep track of, well, pretty much everything in my life. Sure, it's an OCD thing, and yes, it's irrational to feel a need to do so, and, you betcha, it creates an illusio... Comment - Like
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May 29, 2010, 11:58 am
I'm in the country for the long weekend, and it's taken a little while to hook up to the inter-tubes. Renovations are ongoing, but the less said about that the better. Trying to stay level here...
And, that's pretty much all I have to say today. Long drive up last night, a bit of traffi... Comment - Like
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May 27, 2010, 1:14 pm
[pic] This week has mostly been about evening off the rough edges. It hasn't been interesting, but I think that's the point. Last week, with the joys of nicotine withdrawal, had huge surges of anger or anxiety, wild mood swings, and a constant background feeling of being on edge. It was inte... Comment - Like
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May 25, 2010, 11:38 am
[pic] Let me start with the numbers. Today is 56 days since my last drink, and 8 days since my last piece of nicotine gum. I think I'm going to add that to the calendar. It was an addiction, I'm trying to overcome it, and I like giving myself the little reward of adding another day to watch ... Comment - Like
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May 23, 2010, 8:49 am
[pic] Yesterday evening could be categorized as a mixture of a close call, a strong urge, an averted set back, and a picture of success. I'm still working out the ratios.
But first, the set-up. We'd made the up-and-down round trip to the country house, with only a few hours in between of ch... Comment - Like
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May 22, 2010, 7:46 am
I've already managed to lose count of how many days it's been since I stopped the chewy supply lines of nicotine. Wednesday was Day 2, which makes today, Saturday, Day 5. It seems like it should be longer than that, but I'm still nicotine-free. The moods definitely leveled off after the ... Comment - Like
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May 20, 2010, 12:44 pm
[pic: (c) 2006 Marie Scott] This is Day 3 without nicotine gum, and I feel pretty much fine. The morning's are the real test, and this morning didn't have me committing any aggravated assaults in my mind's eye. I may even have politely motioned "after you" to the woman who, ahem, preferr... Comment - Like
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May 19, 2010, 12:09 pm
[pic] Yesterday was much easier than today. Not all easy. I had my moments, and thought very unkind things about everyone from the woman shuffling along in front of me on the sidewalk, to the suited jackass with a Blackberry planted in the middle of the subway platform directly in front of the stair... Comment - Like
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May 18, 2010, 7:14 am
[pic] Last night, after getting home from a meeting with my advisor, I decided to pitch all of the nicotine gum I had in the trash. I had had a head ache for most of the day, I was feeling the odd mix of excitement but complete lack of focus, my heart was racing, and I just couldn't shake the se... Comment - Like
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May 16, 2010, 6:46 am
[pic] Back at the beginning of April, on another Sunday morning after another Saturday visit upstate to check on the renovations, I wrote a post called Groovy Bar. Long story short, the contractor had found the ancient footprint of what had once been, most likely during the Middle Disco Kingdom, a b... Comment - Like
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May 15, 2010, 6:48 am
[pic] I have one of these stove-top espresso makers, but mine has more of a dull, brushed pewter finish than this one. Not by design; it was once new and shiny stainless steel. But then I put in the dishwasher, and apparently one is not supposed to do such things. There's a small part of me that... Comment - Like
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May 14, 2010, 8:58 pm
Found another blogger blogging about SMART. Here's to bucking up, and to someone else's ABC. Comment - Like
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May 14, 2010, 7:13 am
[pic] There's a Spanish liqueur made from all sorts of fruit juices, with a strong vanilla flavor. It was never the kind of thing that I drank in large quantities, because it's pretty sweet. It was more of a pour-over-crushed-ice and sip-at-the-hotel-bar kind of thing. I thought it was calle... Comment - Like
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May 13, 2010, 7:19 am
[pic] I had a bizarre dream last night. When I woke from it, I was first relieved that it was a dream, and then sure that I would remember it vividly in the morning, so I turned over and went back to sleep. Now that the alarm has rung and I'm fully awake, all I'm left with is a very loose pl... Comment - Like
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May 11, 2010, 7:18 am
[pic] I haven't mentioned my other fiendishly addictive behavior much lately, hence the pachyderm above. And I kinda feel like the reference to pink elephants and drinking was already dated when I was a kid and saw cartoon representations of drunks, or drunkenness, depicted this way, but hopeful... Comment - Like
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May 10, 2010, 7:18 am
[pic] The image is meant to be ironic. I truly apologize if you have one of these on the wall of a home office, or the partition of a cubicle, or the front of a refrigerator. I mean no disrespect. It's early on a Monday morning, I'm on my first cup of tea, and I'm just not feeling very c... Comment - Like
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May 7, 2010, 7:23 am
[pic] I often wish I could get into the specifics of what's been discussed at meetings. SMART meetings are a chance for me (and others) to get outside of our own heads, and listen to where other people are with a range of addictive behaviors that look different on the outside but come down to a ... Comment - Like
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May 6, 2010, 7:19 am
[pic] Today's Day #37, again in striking distance of my record. Things have been busy, and anxious-making, and often annoying, but all in all, I'm surprised how well I've been doing in terms of not drinking, and not having urges to drink. Yes, I'm aware of the fact that I haven'... Comment - Like
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May 4, 2010, 7:50 am
They say it's good to stay busy while trying to stop drinking. And it's true that boredom has certainly been a major trigger of mine (or rather, the irrational beliefs that I associate with boredom, or with whatever I'm at risk of thinking about when my mind isn't otherwise occupied.... Comment - Like
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May 1, 2010, 9:30 am
[pic] I'd like to write that is is a direct reference to the "Newspeak" of Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four, but it's more likely to a reference to the Eurythmic's soundtrack of the film 1984, 1984 (For the Love of Big Brother). I honestly don't know how my mind went from the Blech... Comment - Like
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Apr 30, 2010, 4:51 pm
[pic] What a day at work. Confidentiality and anonymity force me to withhold details, but it's been a rough one. To top it all off, most of the division was celebrating the spring with wine and laughter down the hall. It's probably a good thing that I had a mess to clean up and a deadline to... Comment - Like
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Apr 29, 2010, 6:17 am
[pic] I had dinner with a friend last night. She's in my PhD program, and we haven't seen each other regularly in quite some time. During our coursework phase, we used to go out after classes or talks, and that almost always involved drinking. To be honest, I never took stock of how much she... Comment - Like
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Apr 28, 2010, 7:17 am
[pic] I'm not sure if this belongs to a certain genre of movie or television (Spaghetti Western? B-Grade Horror? Scooby-Doo?), or if it's more of a category-buster, but do you know that scene where two people are surveying and taking stock of a place, and this exchange takes place?
A: "Looks... Comment - Like
A bit neurotic. Somewhat obsessive. Extremely compulsive. Worried. Hurried. Insomniac. Pessimistic perfectionist. Prone to irrational ideations. Also anonymous. I started working with SMART Recovery® in July, 2009, for what I thought at first was an inability to drink with moderation. But I've realized since that there's so much more. Here's to rational behavior following from rational thought. Cheers!
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