Sooze

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Season Previews: Pittsburgh Pirates

Sooze posted an article on - Feb 7, 2012, 10:32 am
It's about time to kick off one of our favorite things in all the world: Season Previews. Five years ago, they began as a semi-serious analysis and ended up as half-assed haiku. We're just gonna go with what we know. Moving right along with our preview of the National League Central, here is the ten...
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Season Previews: Chicago Cubs

Sooze posted an article on - Feb 7, 2012, 9:33 am
It's about time to kick off one of our favorite things in all the world: Season Previews. Five years ago, they began as a semi-serious analysis and ended up as half-assed haiku. We're just gonna go with what we know. Continuing our preview of the National League Central, here is a sneak peak at the ...
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Season Previews: Milwaukee Brewers

Sooze posted an article on - Feb 6, 2012, 12:02 pm
It's about time to kick off one of our favorite things in all the world: Season Previews. Five years ago, they began as a semi-serious analysis and ended up as half-assed haiku. We're just gonna go with what we know. Moving right along with our preview of the National League Central, here is a look ...
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Season Previews: St. Louis Cardinals

Sooze posted an article on - Feb 4, 2012, 3:05 pm
... just gonna go with what we know. We'll begin our previews with the reigning World Series Champion St. Louis Cardinals and move right along through the National League Central. World Series Champs ... Albert Pujols You god damn traitor Adam Wainwright's back ...
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Josh Hamilton Relapses, no Whipped Cream was Harmed in the Event

Sooze posted an article on - Feb 3, 2012, 11:18 am
... back into the game than waking up to hear the news of Josh Hamilton's alcohol relapse. Sadly, no whipped cream was harmed in the process. The Texas Rangers outfielder didn't come out and ... August of 2009, he relapsed during a wild night without his wife and Jesus, licking body s...
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Li'l Timmy Gets Paid

Sooze posted an article on - Jan 25, 2012, 9:15 am
If you're a faithful reader, you know we love us some Li'l Timmy Lincecum. And it appears that the Giants organization still does, too. They've just agreed to terms on a 2 year, $40.5 million dollar deal that will take him to the end of the 2013 season - when he is eligible for free agency. The ...
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Holy Crap Prince Fielder Got a Nine-Year Deal from the Detroit Tigers

Sooze posted an article on - Jan 25, 2012, 8:36 am
First and foremost, we are not happy to be back in Minnesota after a long vacation in Florida. It's disgusting here. But we missed you. Second, we'd like to ponder why on earth the Detroit Tigers would give a fatass like Prince Fielder a nine-year deal worth $214 million. Jus...
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Chicago Cubs Pay Miami Marlins to Take Carlos Zambrano Off their Hands

Sooze posted an article on - Jan 6, 2012, 4:00 pm
So the Chicago Cubs have traded Carlos Zambrano to the Miami Marlins, who once again are demanding our attention. We can't wait to see him in his new Rainbow Brite uniform. In return, the Cubbies will get right-hander Chris Volstad while also forking over $15.45 million of Za...
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Prince Fielder and Scott Boras May Have Overplayed their Hands

Sooze posted an article on - Jan 5, 2012, 2:37 pm
Milwaukee Brewers All-Star first baseman Prince Fielder remains unsigned with spring training set to start in less than 2 months and it appears as if he may be forced to return to the Milwaukee Brewers for the 2012 season. While Fielder’s return would make the Brewers one of the favor...
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Scary Fernando Rodney Bullies Tampa Bay Rays into Giving Him a One-Year Deal

Sooze posted an article on - Jan 4, 2012, 6:00 pm
It's no secret that Fernando Rodney scares the crap out of us. In fact, we're pretty sure that he frightened the Tampa Bay Rays into giving him a one-year contract worth $2 million on Wednesday. The deal even has a club option for 2013. Hot Stove in Tampa Bay! Let's be seriou...
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Oakland Athletics Fans Get to Marvel at Coco Crisp's Afro for Another Two Seasons

Sooze posted an article on - Jan 3, 2012, 6:07 pm
Contrary to the popular belief that Coco Crisp was not planning on roaming the outfield for the Oakland Athletics next season, the club has brought him back for another two years after he decided he's rather play on the West coast 81 games a year rather than on a peninsula with th...
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Chicago White Sox Trade Carlos Quentin to San Diego Padres

Sooze posted an article on - Jan 2, 2012, 1:09 pm
Sometimes when players are traded, they get all upset about where they end up and who they'll miss. In Carlos Quentin's case, he's pretty excited. The Chicago White Sox traded the All-Star outfielder to his hometown San Diego Padres this weekend, and when he got the call he w...
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The New York Mets are Not Impressed with R. A. Dickey's Adventurous Offseason Plans

Sooze posted an article on - Dec 30, 2011, 3:36 pm
Most of the time, when people have enough moxie to climb Mount Kilimanjaro, they are commended for their bravery and ambition. However, when these people are major league ballplayers expected to stay healthy at least until Spring Training, it is considered a no-no. ...
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John Danks Gets $65 Million, Five-Year Extension from Chicago White Sox

Sooze posted an article on - Dec 29, 2011, 3:50 pm
The Chicago White Sox agreed to give John Danks a five-year contract extension worth $65 million on Thursday, keeping the starting pitcher on the South Side until 2016. The 26-year-old lefty, who more or less sucked last season, went 8-12 with a 4.33 ERA in 2011. Obviously, ...
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Happy New Year: Most Memorable Stories in Major League Baseball from 2011

Sooze posted an article on - Dec 28, 2011, 4:30 pm
Well, we're all another year older and not a bit wiser. Can you believe it's almost 2012? Top Tens are pretty nifty and all, but we're gonna go ahead and add a few more of baseball's most memorable moments of the 2011 season, including the happy, sad, funny and unbelievable. ...
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Mark DeRosa Still Plays Baseball, Signs with Washington Nationals for One Year

Sooze posted an article on - Dec 28, 2011, 3:06 pm
In the midst of rebuilding with several attempts to finally become contenders in the National League East, the Washington Nationals have signed Mark DeRosa out of free agency. This isn't quite as big of news as the Gio Gonzalez trade, but we thought at least Mark deserved some cre...
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Oakland Athletics Trade Andrew Bailey and Ryan Sweeney to Boston... Wait, What?

Sooze posted an article on - Dec 28, 2011, 3:00 am
Has Billy Beane completely lost his mind, or is he using his "money ball" magic to rebuild the Oakland Athletics and improve on their future? The team traded closer Andrew Bailey and outfielder Ryan Sweeney to the Boston Red Sox on Wednesday for outfielder Josh Reddick...
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Gio Gonzalez Deal Complete, Washington Nationals Looking Better All the Time

Sooze posted an article on - Dec 26, 2011, 11:04 pm
The Nationals are not messing around anymore. Finalizing the deal that began as just another rumor back in November, the Oakland Athletics have officially sent Gio Gonzalez to Washington in a six-player trade. The 26-year-old lefty will join an already promising rotation and ...
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Aramis Ramirez Finalizes $36 Million Contract with Milwaukee Brewers

Sooze posted an article on - Dec 14, 2011, 1:06 pm
The Milwaukee Brewers finalized their three-year, $36 million deal with Aramis Ramirez on Wednesday, giving their lineup ... 2011. His power at the plate is a welcome sight for Milwaukee, considering the loss of big bats Prince Fielder to free agency ( ... 13; This seems like some kind...
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Philadelphia Phillies Boggle Our Minds, Sign Dontrelle Willis to One-Year Deal

Sooze posted an article on - Dec 13, 2011, 3:52 pm
Monday's signing of Dontrelle Willis by the Philadelphia Phillies for one year, $1 million is a bit surprising. In fact, we don't see the point in it whatsoever. The 30-year-old lefty went 1-6 with a nice, round 5.00 ERA last season with the Cincinnati Reds, who saw ju...
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St. Louis Cardinals Stick with Rafael Furcal and Skip Schumacker, Ditch Ryan Theriot

Sooze posted an article on - Dec 13, 2011, 3:31 pm
The St. Louis Cardinals worked on some odds and ends early this week, choosing to sign Rafael Furcal and Skip Schumaker to two-year deals and letting go of the sucky Ryan Theriot. Schumaker signed on for two years, $3 million after batting .283 in 117 games for the rei...
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David Price Gets Mildly Pissed at Stranger Urinating on his Car

Sooze posted an article on - Dec 12, 2011, 3:39 pm
(Terrible pun fully intended) David Price got a nice surprise on Friday as he exited 717 South restaurant in Tampa, Fl. where he was serving as a guest bartender at a charity event when he found either a deranged individual or New York Yankees fan taking a whiz on his vehicle. ...
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Ramón Hernández Inks Two-Year Deal with Colorado Rockies

Sooze posted an article on - Dec 12, 2011, 2:28 pm
... -year agreement official and hooking up some depth behind the plate. The 35-year-old Venezuelan backstop, who played the last three seasons with the Cincinnati Reds, enjoyed a solid season last year when he hit .282 with 12 homers and 36 RBI over 91 games. The terms of his new deal ...
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Joe Mauer is Going to Get Married... not to Us

Sooze posted an article on - Dec 12, 2011, 1:17 pm
... Maddie Bisanz. While some female (and male) Minnesota Twins fans may be incredibly devastated by the recent news of Minnesota's #1 bachelor being taken ... 13; ...Maddie Mauer? Adorable. We've heard that soon-to-be or recently wed players are at their best. We're not sure whethe...
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Ryan Braun Faces 50-Game Ban for Allegedly Cheating; We Might Take it All Back

Sooze posted an article on - Dec 10, 2011, 8:41 pm
We haven't been more disappointed in a ballplayer than we are with Ryan Braun tonight. Honestly, he was one of the last players we'd ever suspect of cheating. The Milwaukee Brewers left fielder has tested positive for a banned substance and now faces a 50-game suspension. Of ...
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Albert Pujols Gives St. Louis Cardinals Fans Some Kindling Other than His Jersey

Sooze posted an article on - Dec 10, 2011, 2:06 pm
... 'm sure many other distraught St. Louis Cardinals fans followed suit. However, ... page ad on Friday in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch: To the City of St. Louis and Cardinal Nation, ... years. In my time with the Cardinals, I have been fortunate enough to ... as well....
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We Love Matt Moore Almost as Much as the Tampa Bay Rays Do

Sooze posted an article on - Dec 10, 2011, 12:54 pm
... in three appearances, including one start. He went on to start Game 1 of the ALDS, in which he was lights out over seven shutout innings to beat the Texas Rangers and become the youngest pitcher to ever start and win a team’s first game of the postseason. Moore will join a strong ...
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Octavio Dotel Refuses to Retire, Signs with Detroit Tigers

Sooze posted an article on - Dec 9, 2011, 12:53 pm
Reigning World Series champion Octavio Dotel has signed with the Detroit Tigers in an effort to put one more big league club on his career resume. ... , the right-handed reliever and his agent convinced the Tigers he would be of use to them before he ... is unheard of. When he takes...
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CC Sabathia Gets Ridiculous $30 Million, One-Year Contract Extension from Yankees

Sooze posted an article on - Nov 1, 2011, 12:36 pm
Rather than test the free agent waters, CC Sabathia has decided to stick around the Big Apple. And why wouldn't he, if the richest club in the big leagues is going to give him an extra $30 million to do so? The husky 31-year-old lefty was awarded an extra year to ...
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Tony La Russa to Retire from Baseball and Save all the Puppies and Kitties

Sooze posted an article on - Nov 1, 2011, 12:13 am
February 18: It snowed in the Sahara Desert for like a half hour. April 1: The Pinwheel Network became Nickelodeon and began entertaining children everywhere. July 1: The Sony Walkman went on sale for the first time in Japan. The year was 1979, the sam...
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David Freese is an Animal, St. Louis Cardinals are World Series Champions

Sooze posted an article on - Oct 29, 2011, 2:46 pm
World Series MVP David Freese gave credit to just about everyone but himself Friday night after his Cardinals came away with a 6-2 win over the Texas Rangers to bring their 11th Championship title back to St. Louis. The 28-year-old thanked Albert Pujols for being a gre...
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There's Always Next Year, Rangers Fans

Sooze posted an article on - Oct 28, 2011, 11:43 pm
After the most ridiculous Game 6 in the history of baseball forced the decisive Game 7 Friday night at Busch Stadium, the Texas Rangers were confident that they'd bring their first ever World Series Championship back home to Arlington. However, it looks like they're going to have ...
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Ron Washington Sends Matt Harrison to the Hill for Game 7 Against Chris Carpenter

Sooze posted an article on - Oct 28, 2011, 1:53 pm
The Texas Rangers were just one strike away from their first World Series Championship not once, but twice Thursday night in what ended up being one of the most exciting Fall Classic games in baseball history. We can't really tell whether it was a Rangers bullpen meltd...
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Adam Wainwright to Stick with the St. Louis Cardinals Two More Seasons

Sooze posted an article on - Oct 28, 2011, 1:31 pm
We feel pretty sad for Adam Wainwright. The poor guy just has to sit and watch his team complete a ridiculous rally during the regular season to make it to the playoffs as the National League Wild Card. Then, he has to watch them win the NLDS, the NLCS, and go through the World Se...
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That Was the Most Ridiculous Game 6 in the History of the World Series

Sooze posted an article on - Oct 28, 2011, 12:48 am
Honestly. Five errors, 11 walks, utter confusion all over the field, and eventual bat brutality completed the Cardinals' 10-9 walkoff win over the Texas Rangers Thursday night in St. Louis to force Game 7 of the 2011 World Series. Josh Hamilton, who was told by the Lor...
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Theo Epstein and Jed Hoyer: Reunited and it Feels So Good

Sooze posted an article on - Oct 27, 2011, 11:00 am
Not only did the Chicago Cubs smuggle Padres general manager Jed Hoyer out of San Diego, but they took his assistant with them as well. Hoyer and his assistant Jason McLeod, who will become the new senior vice president of scouting and player development for the Cubs, have b...
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The Rangers are One Win Away from their First Ever World Series Bling

Sooze posted an article on - Oct 26, 2011, 10:13 am
Colby Lewis will have a shot at history during Game 6 of the World Series Wednesday night, when he takes the hill against St. Louis Cardinals lefty Jaime Garcia and his neatly-trimmed facial hair. Take note, Derek Holland. Just won win away from their first World Serie...
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Minnesota Twins Decline Option on Joe Nathan, in the Market for a Closer Yet Again

Sooze posted an article on - Oct 25, 2011, 10:33 pm
After declining a $12.5 million option on Joe Nathan’s contract Tuesday afternoon and handing him a $2 million buyout, the Minnesota Twins are in the market for a closer. Again. The right-handed closer was on the comeback trail from Tommy John surgery in 2011, but struggled...
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John Lackey and His 6.41 ERA to Undergo Tommy John Surgery

Sooze posted an article on - Oct 25, 2011, 9:48 pm
After enduring a rather rough season with the Boston Red Sox in which he apparently spent more time drinking beer and scarfing down fried chicken than improving his pitching, John Lackey will undergo reconstructive elbow surgery and miss the entire 2012 season. The right-hand...
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Bud Selig Would Like to See Replay Expanded Before he Falls Asleep/Retires

Sooze posted an article on - Oct 25, 2011, 1:34 pm
Bud Selig is open to new technology implemented in Major League Baseball, including the expansion of instant replay. Maybe he can figure out a way to modernize the bullpen telephone as to not embarrass the management anymore. Just an idea. Of course, reviewing eve...
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Tony La Russa Overmanages, Micromanages, Mismanages in Cardinals Game 5 Loss

Sooze posted an article on - Oct 25, 2011, 12:49 pm
With the World Series all evened up to a clean slate, tied at two games a-piece after Derek Holland's mustache took center stage in Game 4, the St. Louis Cardinals and Texas Rangers took to Game 5 with both of their aces on the hill. Chris Carpenter lasted seven solid ...
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We Want this Texas Rangers Grounds Crew Kid to Take us Out Dancing

Sooze posted an article on - Oct 24, 2011, 3:17 pm
In case you somehow missed this video of an absolutely adorable member of the Rangers Ballpark grounds crew randomly busting a move between the sixth and seventh innings of Game 4... please do enjoy. Ian Kinsler was not impressed, but we totally are. (Call me when you turn 18!)...
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Derek Holland, It's Been Fun but We Are Begging You to Shave

Sooze posted an article on - Oct 24, 2011, 7:56 am
Texas Rangers left-hander Derek Holland threw 8.1 scoreless innings in Game 4 against the St. Louis Cardinals Sunday night to come away with a 4-0 victory and tie up the best-of-seven series at two games a-piece. He was razor sharp. All while sporting that ridiculous ...
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Slumpbuster! Albert Pujols Goes Berserk, Hits Three Homers in 16-7 World Series Rout

Sooze posted an article on - Oct 23, 2011, 6:30 am
Looks like somebody enjoyed a slump buster Friday night. After grounding out in the first inning, Albert Pujols stepped up to the plate in the fourth and finally got a hit, nailing a single to shallow left field to finally bust out of an 0-7 World Series rut against th...
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Theo Epstein Officially Joins Cubs, Ben Cherington Likely Replacement in Boston

Sooze posted an article on - Oct 22, 2011, 11:35 am
An incredible run that included two World Series Championships (and three extra playoff berths via Wild Card) for the youngest ever general manager in baseball at the time ended on a sour note with fried chicken, beer bellies, and mayhem last month before Theo Epstein decided to abandon ...
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David Ortiz Wants to Stick Around Boston, Regardless of Red Sox Problems

Sooze posted an article on - Oct 21, 2011, 1:43 pm
All things considered, some big league players may not want to be associated with a team whose ridiculous September collapse has been blamed on drinking beers and eating fried chicken in the clubhouse. David Ortiz is not one of those players. Besides, it's not like they were the only tea...
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Roger Clemens, Jason Giambi Also Pounded Beers! This Story Won't Go Away

Sooze posted an article on - Oct 20, 2011, 9:39 am
Since this story won't seem to go away, we're gonna go ahead and join in the fun. According to the New York Daily News, chronic douches Rogers Clemens and Jason Giambi have joined in the debauchery, as reports have surfaced that they, too, drank beer in the dugout and ...
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Rangers Meet Lance Berkman and Allen Craig, Drop World Series Game 1 to Cardinals

Sooze posted an article on - Oct 20, 2011, 7:20 am
Chris Carpenter came up big over six solid innings Wednesday night -- including a nice diving defensive play in the first for which Elvis Adrus deserves a thank you gift for not crushing the pitcher's right hand -- to help his St. Louis Cardinals earn a 3-2 victory over the Texas...
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C.J. Wilson Meets Chris Carpenter for Game 1 of the World Series

Sooze posted an article on - Oct 19, 2011, 9:21 am
... two days without baseball sucked. C.J. Wilson and the Texas Rangers are already in ... and the Cardinals tonight at 8:05pm ET on FOX. You know, something about C.J. bothers me. I can't quite put my ... touch a World Series trophy. Meanwhile, Michael Young ...
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With the Brewers Offseason Officially Underway, What Will Prince Fielder Do?

Sooze posted an article on - Oct 18, 2011, 9:44 am
Now that the Milwaukee Brewers offseason is officially underway, the biggest question surrounding the team this winter is what the hell is going to happen with Prince Fielder. After a franchise-record 96 wins during the regular and the team's first League Championship appeara...
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